The Aftermath: Belgium 2 - USMNT 1 (Part 1)

 

The inter-office debate rages on:

Mark: Well that was a heart breaker. My random thoughts: we are back at 1994 watching "Bora Ball" and the all-heart team try to dodge twenty shots and then steal the game with a goal. That wasn't the style Klinsmann was supposed to bring in. This was a great exhibition of heart, but we got outshot and outpossessed dramatically in three of the four games. There could have been some very lopsided losses in this Cup for us.

 

Ed: That's a step too far< I think.  Klinsi didn't promise possession, just more attacking soccer.  And when we got the ball we did attack in numbers.  Plus there was no team that played a tougher four opponents.  But no, we are not as technically gifted as Belgium's golden generation or Germany.  But we were surprisingly close to Portugal on that regard.

 

Mark: Michael Bradley is the toughest player to ever play for the US national team, but should never play another game as an attacking midfielder. Klinsmann really did a poor job of casting him.

 

Ed: Completely agree.  He never looked better than when he orchestrated from the holding position in extra time.  I was reminded how solid he is back there where he should be.  He simply doesn't have the speed or creativity or desire to take on players and space in the attack.  Dempsey does, and dempsey also looked better when he returned to the number 10 spot.

 

Mark: Jermaine Jones is a beast, but like Bradley was expected to carry the team offensively and he just does not have the distribution ability.

 

Ed: Agreed again!  A tough holder who makes for a great spine.  Guys like that thrive on the premier league and his muscle made us better.  But destroyers are never also creators.

 

Mark: Kyle Beckerman is a tremendous position player, and we missed him today. The middle was far more open without him in there. Belgium had far more opportunities than German which is a stronger side. Was shocked he got pulled.

 

Ed: Can't say, really.  Cameron made Fellaini look pretty ineffective.  But Beckerman had a good tourney for a slow dude with big hair.

 

Mark: Why does it seem like we switch formations every game in the World Cup under Klinsmann?

 

Ed: I think that's called tactics and I'm okay with it.  The Dutch switched their formation at halftime against Mexico and it paid off, we can switch game to game if we have too.

 

Impossible is Nothing: Germany 1 - USMNT 0

Coach Mark and Correspondent Ed weigh in on the USMNT's advancing through the Group of Death to the Round of 16:

Mark:

So we backed into the next round. There is no sport in the world that can bring you that anti-climatic feeling like soccer. We lost, and we won at the same time. Muted high fives everywhere.

You got to like the competitiveness of this team. The team has the personality of Jermaine Jones, Michael Bradley and Kyle Beckerman, which is 100% scrappy hustle. Unfortunately it also has their offensive skill set.

Bradley has looked like a defensive mid pretending to be an attacking mid the whole tournament. Jones ended up playing target man part of the game because he's the only player on our offense who has the physical strength to compete for balls with a player on his back. We had a terrible time controlling the ball in our midfield to come into the attack.

I think Clint Dempsey's doing a good job faking the striker position. He's not fast enough to go by anybody, and not strong enough to play target, but he's got such a great feel getting in good spots and is the only guy with any precision on the team so he can survive.

I thought Omar Gonzalez was terrific today. Horribly tough spot to be put into, but he was a beast in the air, and showed a faster recovery step than Geoff Cameron. I think Cameron had a terrible game the other day, but he's a player. I would not mind seeing him sub into the defensive midfield to end a game. I thought it was kind of lousy that he got pulled after such a rough game when he was so solid during qualifying, but Gonzalez justified the decision, at least for today.

This team's Achilles' Heel is a complete lack of speed and precision on the offensive side. Dempsey and Graham Zusi (who I thought was very good today) are the only two offensive creators who have any precision on the final pass or shot. But neither of those two guys has the speed to threaten vertically.

Bradley's been just awful in front of the goal. Bedoya is basically an invisible player, and plays like a third outside fullback with a hustle-only game and Brad Davis showed why he got passed over three times for World Cups when he was in his prime. He's too slow and not tough enough on defense. It was a miracle we survived him today.

Getting a Big Head: USMNT 1 - Honduras 0

Continuing our theme of not enough soccer and never enough beer, the farlieonfootie corporate staff gathered on Tuesday night to watch the US Men in action against Honduras at Coach Mark's bachelor pad.  The swanky soiree was catered with the best food that money could buy and a fairly decent selection of craft beers, as well: The Bruery (Mischief), Dogfish Head (75 Minute), and Lagunitas (Sumpin' Sumpin') were all represented. As was Goose Island (312 Urban Wheat), a beer which Correspondent Ed gets cranky about when we refer to it as a "craft," but as no one pays him any mind in the first place, his sulking in the corner brought no further disruption to the evening's festivities.

 

Despite the beer flowing liberally, we did manage to retain enough of our wits about us to keep at least some small impressions from last night's crucial 1-0 victory for the Nats, viz:

 

o Although we've always fancied the Great Gazoo to play the role of Michael Bradley when they make the movie about how the USA won the World Cup, Correspondent Ed made a decent case last night for Megamind.  We'll leave it up to you, our faithful readers, to make the final call:

 



Who Will Play the Role of Michael Bradley?  You Decide.



 

o Regardless of who plays the role, there's no denying the former coach's son has become an integral part of the US setup, and is probably our second most important player at this point -- trailing only the Deuce, Clint Dempsey.  He's definitely turned around our former thinking on the subject from a year and a half ago -- there's no denying that some time in Roma has helped our boy significantly "up" his game.

 

o Jozy Altidore has turned into a pretty decent center forward.  Scoring 24 golazzos in a single season in Europe will do that to you, we guess....  During the past month Altidore has displayed a depth and maturity to his game that we hadn't seen before, and his confidence has got to be sky high after his latest exploits.  His touch looked great, his runs were brilliant, and his hold up play was much better than average -- and that says nothing about his finishing, which is on a par right now with the best the US has ever seen. 

 

o Could it be be coincidence that the US offense has started to click under the tutelage of noted former goalscorer Jurgen Klinsmann, or could it just possibly be that the Nats' bossman might know a thing or two about putting the ball in the back of the net...?  Although we were early and ardent admirers of der Klinsi, many fans in the US camp needed some convincing -- and some still do.  To hell with his "inability to switch tactics in the middle of a game."  We're more interested in watching a team that looks as if it's beginning to understand how to truly play the game in the first place.  Did we ever see any sustained wide play under Bob Bradley? 

Observations: USA 2 - Jamaica 1

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Tapping into some stream of consciousness from Correspondent Ed's mind.  We think this is related to the US Mens National Team's 2-1 victory in Kingston, Jamaica on Friday night:

Our left and right backs are beaten routinely.

There is absolutely no midfield when move the ball forward.

Omar Gonzalez just kicks it like a KC stopper.

Jozy Altidore is never onside.

Jermaine Jones: typical heavy touches.

Fabian Johnson is awful; he looks like a high school player.

Graham Zusi is the most creative American at this point.

The camera work for the game is awful; the stadium looks like it was made without help of an architect.

US: strong defense on corner kicks.

There's no one more disdainful then Clint Dempsey after he's been fouled.

Damarcus Beasley may be even worse going forward than he is at back.

Easy long balls in space we head forward mindlessly instead of trapping.

They just love bombing it forward to no one from the back.

Brad Evans has Beasley-level incompetence going forward.

We're unable to hold ball against Jamaica.

Edgar Castillo comes in for Fabian Johnson and, somehow, he looks even worse.  Plus he's the size of a Under-10 player.

Whiteout! USMNT 1 - Costa Rica 0

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What a difference a day makes.  Fresh off one of the most memorable victories in US Soccer history, the Nats find themselves in 2nd place in the CONCACAF Hexagonal, thanks in no small part to their dramatic 1-0 victory on a day in which their main regional opponents for one of the three coveted World Cup spots all drew.   

Entering the game the team looked to be at a crossroads, with infighting distracting their focus and intrigue hanging over the head of US Manager, Jurgen Klinsmann.   An article which appeared in Sporting News earlier in the week portrayed a club in crisis: no sense of tactics or strategy, and anonymous sources claiming that the team was lost and the Manager culpable for the situation.  Heaping further fuel on the fire was the damaging 1-0 loss to Honduras the US endured in their first of 10 hexagonal matches.  Sitting in dead last place prior to Friday night's game, the US badly needed home field advantage and a win.

One out of two ain't bad.  Although the thin air and cool weather of Colorado was expected to give the national team a significant boost over their opponents, no one was counting on what happened next: blizzard-like conditions at Dick's Sporting Goods Park, outside of Denver.  The severity of Friday night's winter storm left the game in significant doubt -- would the players be able to play in conditions so difficult that it was nearly impossible to see the length of the pitch?

Heartbreaker: Manchester United 1 - Tottenham Hotspur 1

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Spurs steal a point at the final whistle, as a determined United defense was finally breached.  Here's how a thoroughly gripping game unfolded:

Minutes 0-10: The snow is falling, but so far the players are managing to stay upright. Both teams look decent in possession.

Minutes 11-20: RVP heads it on goal at the 12 minute mark, but the soft effort is easily held by Tottenham 'keeper Hugo Lloris. Gareth Bale and Aaron Lennon test David De Gea at the other end, but the latter is correctly judged to be fractionally offside. Nemanja Vidic takes yet another knock on the head, and Spurs begin to take a slight edge in possession.

Minutes 21-30: Michael Carrick sees yellow as a cautious, cagey opening quarter continues. RVP gives United a one goal advantage with his second effort on goal, easily beating Lloris at the near post after Tom Cleverly whips in a cross from the opposite side. De Gea beats away Jermaine Defoe's low strike at the other end to preserve the lead.

Minutes 31-40: The ball moves freely around both sides of  the pitch, but neither side shows much ambition going forward. De Gea is forced into a foot save after Bale's shot glances off Rio Ferdinand, but United throw their bodies around the box with reckless abandon to shut down the threat.

Minutes 41-45: Danny Welbeck begins to make an impact playing from the left wing. Clint Dempsey forces a corner just before the half time whistle, but the ensuing corner goes out of bounds.

Something to Behold: Rounds 20 & 21 in the BPL

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o Led by their wantaway striker Demba Ba, the Newcastle offense is something to behold: seven goals in its last three games, and against top opposition at that. The only unit currently more adept at putting the ball into the back of the net is whichever team happens to be playing the Magpies on any given day.

o Dimitar Berbatov looked like a chess Grand Master against West Brom on New Year's Day. Gesturing where he wanted the ball passed -- and not alway to him -- Berbs was thinking three to four moves ahead of anyone else on the pitch. And warping the time /space continuum, Bebatov seemed to float above the game, consistently popping up in the most unexpected places for a man who is reputed to move at very leisurely pace.

o Resting Ashley Cole, Ramires, Juan Mata and Eden Hazard at the same time may not have been the smartest decision by Rafa Benitez, but the real dope of Round 22 was Referee Lee Mason, who chose to flash only a yellow card at Chelsea's Marko Marin for his clear-as-day red card offense, which could easily have resulted in a broken leg for Stephen M'Bia.

o Player of the Week Javier Hernandez bagged a brace against Wigan on New Year's Day, but that's not what won him the Award -- or else his Flying Dutchman teammate would have been in contention, too. No, instead it was the Little Pea's superb movement off the ball and stunningly quick reaction time -- in which the mexican appears to speed up just as others slow down -- that gave Chicharito the honors and have made him one of the most lethal predators in the League today.

o The shirt message thing hit a new low when Edin Dzeko took a yellow card to display the latest words hidden under his kit. And for those of you wondering what's happened to City's offensive creativity this term, the answer, it seems, is written on the shirt. Last year was all about Super Mario's "Why Always Me?" display. But apparently the best a City striker could come up with this season was "Happy New Year...?!" We guess Dzeko's not the imaginative type.

Seeing Those Not Believing

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Ed on Spurs:

The press can beat up on Andre Villas-Boas all it likes for his errors in formation: the high line providing chances for the opposition; his inability to adopt to Roberto Mancini's back three and the flooding of the midfield; his removal of Emmanuel Adebayor for Jermaine Defoe instead of Clint Dempsey for Defoe. Unfortunately, the reality was in the personnel.

Tom Huddlestone is a decent holding midfielder. He's big and tough and not a bad tackler, but he has nowhere near the ball control skills of Scott Parker or the midfield of City. Sandro is another good holding defensive midfielder; not very creative and somewhat lacking in ball control skills. In short, the Huddlestone/Sandro midfield is all they have right now, but it's far from top of the table. Spurs are simply not good enough to be down two starting midfielders in Moussa Dembele and Scott Parker and still compete with the best teams. Could any team?

Well, yes. United and City are so chock full of expensive top class strikers that they can pull it off. United pretty much did so last year amid talk of Wesley Sneider and the unretirement of Paul Scholes. To be honest, I still don't understand why someone with his ability retired to begin with. I've said this before and I'll say it again – play until you can't play any longer. It's a game. It's fun. I still play and all I get out of it is the occasional fist bump.

 

The Brits like to speak about the economic disparity in the league – class warfare being a (detrimental) staple of English (and current American) politics and thinking. But in the case of the BPL and pretty much all the leagues in Europe, there are a few billionaire teams and everyone else. Occassionally a team like Spurs can sneak into the top four – very occassionally – but they begin each season with zero chance of winning the title. Or do they?

He Gets No Respect, I Tell Ya

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Full Disclosure: Although Correspondent Scott wrote this piece, Correspondents Mark and Ed unwittingly contributed to it via drunken comments made while watching the USA-Guatemala game on 10/16/2012.

Clint Dempsey led the Premier League in scoring by a midfielder last year; was behind only Robin Van Persie, Wayne Rooney and Kun Aguero in scoring overall; and had previously not only played a pivotal role in saving his then-new team from relegation in 2007, but also went on to be a key to their run to the finals of the Europa League after that. He was rookie of the year in his domestic league before making the jump to the EPL and has become the backbone of his national team. With such a resume, one would think that Clint would be revered, respected and rewarded. Instead it seems he is only begrudgingly acknowledged by the British media and “worth” only a paltry £6 million in a transfer to Tottenham (Liverpool not wanting to pay a dollar more, to their detriment).

So, the question is “Why?”  A large sampling of three biased Americans agree that it’s because he is American. Give him a passport of any EU country or an Asian country and he would be heralded as the second coming, a la Shinji Kagawa. But, despite rivaling Chicharito’s jam-packed highlight reel of being in the right place at the right time for a sliding tap-in goal, his stars are overpowered by his stripes which merely serve to imprison him in a confounding and belittling cell of second-rank status. I tell ya’....

If respect were measured by the impact one has on a team, Clint would shine since his previous team has plummeted and his current team has soared. Or if it were measured by that other uncanningly reliable barometer of truth – gambling (or in this case, fantasy soccer) – he would similarly sparkle as everybody wanted the tattooed scoring machine last year. For crying out loud, he deserves at least a modicum of respect for joining the ranks of professional athletes whose insanely hot wives wouldn’t look at them twice were it not for their ability to earn obscene amounts of money making balls succumb to their will.

Yet, despite the attention, deservedly so, that Landon Donovan gets, it’s the tattooed, perpetually sweaty/angry Dempsey who now seems to singlehandedly lift team USA when it needs it most, whether it be via a brace against Guatemala or the three other goals he scored in the latest round of qualifying. He’s a talented warrior - when he steps on the pitch the other team is the enemy and he let’s them know it, from scowls and jawing to shoulder shrugs to the nearest official. Fortunately, he doesn’t go down as easily as he used to. Now he just seems genuinely to be offended that the opposing player would disrupt his genius with a pedestrian foul. As if he feels he has risen from the redneckness of Nacogdoches to the royalty of London, that the commoners who deign to compete with him should have the good manners not to touch him. Of course by royal fiat it is decreed that he can touch them as hard as he likes.

Happy Days: Tottenham Hotspur 2 - Aston Villa 0

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He's baaaack. We're talking about Correspondent Ed, of course....:

 

I was all geared up for an article by Correspondent James after the Spurs beat poor United at Old Trafford for the first time since I was in college. I could taste the put downs of the boss-man. The zingers about RVP's petulance and Scholes' crazy big age. But unfortunately it didn't happen, and now the moment has passed. But Spurs followed up that victory with yet another win. So instead of lamenting the Spurs – comfort food to most Tottenham fans – let's give them some big love for a nice start to the campaign.

It all starts with the Manager, of course, and for now it's hard not to conclude that AVB seems to have found his home. Despite his somewhat bizarre handling of the Hugo Lloris / Brad Friedel mess, AVB has made the right calls of late. Part of that is due to Clint Dempsey, a player that's been an improvement over Gylfi Sigurdsson at the Number 10 position. Dempsey may be less of a pure distributor than Gylfi, but he's much better on the ball and more dangerous near the goal. He and Defoe have successfully opened up space for Bale and Lennon by virtue of their strong runs off the ball, something Gylfi is more reluctant to do as he seems more of a holder than a thrusting attacker.

With respect to Defoe, who would have thought that he would have more goals at this point in the season then Wayne Rooney ? Defoe has shown his critics yet again that he's a dangerous front man with a quick release. Will Defoe fade away once Emmanuel Adebayor returns from injury? Perhaps, but hopefully not.

Spurs defense has been notable as well. William Gallas, who Uncle Harry brought to Spurs for exactly zero pounds, has been tremendous at the back. I'm not sure what Arsenal saw as the problem with the defender other than his age. But age alone doesn't dictate ability, and clearly he's led the defense as well as most any center back in the EPL. Compare him to United's Rio Ferdinand, for example, and tell me who has had a better season.

Jan Vertonghen has also been very strong offensively as well as defensively. He's done a much better job than I thought he could at left back with BAE out of the lineup. He's marches forward still seem a bit awkward to me, but they're definitely effective.

Letting it Flow: Week Five in the Barclay's Premier League

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o Two things we learned while watching Everton tear Swansea apart limb-by-limb on Saturday: 1) The bloom may be off the rose for Manager Michael Laudrup and his boys from Wales -- the Swans' second loss in a row has seriously stalled their momentum and called into question just how strong the squad actually is; and 2) No such questions are being asked of David Moyes and Everton. Liverpool's top club looked fantastic once again this season at the Liberty Stadium, and only poor refereeing has managed to stop the Toffees from reaching 12 points after their first five games. So much for Everton's traditional slow start....

o Chelsea appear to be morphing into a La Liga side before our very eyes. Pretty to the eye -- except if you're Roman Abramovich, who appeared as if he was watching paint dry from his customary seat at Stamford Bridge -- but lacking a certain directness that is a hallmark of the English game, Chelsea step-overed and back-heeled it with best of them on Saturday but were less successful at finding goal -- only second half substitute Victor Moses seemed the least bit intent on blazing a path toward net for the Blues. On a bright note, however, along with their slim 1-nil victory over Stoke, Chelsea appear to have mastered the art of the Spanish flop, with Branislav Ivanovich and Oscar displaying perfect form in their attempts to con the referee.

o Note to future opponents: please make certain to mark Javi Garcia on set plays. I've lost count of the number of headers the City newcomer has managed to put on-target over the past three outings, and he just may be the most dangerous set piece player in the game right now.

o Like the turning of the leaves, one true sign of the nascent fall season was spotted this weekend as Le Professor broke out the sideline puffer jacket for the Gooners' game at Eastlands on Sunday. If only his counterpart Roberto Mancini had deemed the weather cool enough for his natty blue and white scarf, we could have officially declared the new season to be in full swing.

o Kudos to American Clint Dempsey for his first start in front of the home fans at Whitehart Lane on Sunday. Our view was that the midfielder looked energetic and dangerous against QPR, but may have been trying just a bit too hard to find the net. Here's some advice, Clint: relax and let it flow. The goals will come.

o While we appreciate that Hatem Ben Arfa and the rest of the boys at Newcastle were attempting to restore Papiss Cisse's confidence by letting him take a penalty at home against Norwich City on Sunday, man oh man, we wonder how far the resulting miss may have set back the Senegalese striker. While Cisse may have made the Geordies wonder if his fellow countryman Demba Ba was expendable with his form in the latter half of last season, the shoe is now firmly on the other foot. And that's the same foot that brought about a moonshot of a penalty that should be passing by the International Space Station any day now....

Dread in the Land of Dreadlocks: Jamaica 2 - US 1

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If one were searching for subtle differences between the Bob Bradley era and the Jurgen Klinsman era in US Soccer there are plenty of signs apparent to the observant viewer -- the US' recent friendly victories in Italy and Mexico to name just a couple -- and last night gave us yet another: when's the last time you remember the Nats grabbing an away goal in a World Cup qualifier before the contest was even a minute old?  Strike another first for Klinsman and US Men's soccer, as Clint Dempsey took the scoring honors, receiving a surprise start and the ball at his feet in front of a gaping net within the same sixty seconds.

But as evidence that the team remains a work in progress one need look no further than minutes two through ninety of the same game.  The US allowed the Jamaicans to boss the midfield, and although the game was not decided in open play, the US never generated enough scoring opportunities to deserve a win -- or even a draw for that matter.  The resulting 2-1 loss puts significant pressure on Klinsi and the Nats to rebound with a win over the very same island nation side in only four day's time -- that the second game will be played in the slightly friendlier confines of Columbus, Ohio has to be counted on as a significant advantage.

Although Jamaica equalized halfway through the first 45, their opening goal was not due to a total US team breakdown, but rather two Kyle Beckerman gifts: the first when he committed a weak attempt at a tackle just outside of the 18 yard box, and the second coming as he deflected the resulting free kick past a flummoxed Tim Howard to give the home side their equalizer. By this point in the action US fans were likely asking if Beckerman -- he of the rastafarian dreadlocks -- was momentarily confused as to which side he was playing for.

Ruh Roh! Trouble Ahead for Spurs?

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Ed is back with some thoughts on Spurs' slow start to the season:

Spurs have now played three games against only mediocre BPL competition and they haven't won once.  Worse, they've only looked good in one half of one game – the first half last week against West Brom – and even then they didn't seem to get enough really good chances.  And double worse, it's painful to say it, but they look startlingly similar to Chelsea last year when they were managed by AVB.  As Scooby Doo would say:  Ruh Roh.

So here are my questions for AVB:

1.                  Defoe.  The offensive 4-2-3-1 is certainly a formation that works and is popular internationally. However, Spurs seem to be playing this formation with Gylfi Sigurdsson deep, the two midfielders holding even deeper, the wingers wide on the lines, and the diminutive Defoe all alone front and center. Defoe is obviously not someone that's going to win and retain possession.  He's also too small to capitalize on any high crossing balls launched in by Bale and Lennon.  So is Gylfi playing too deep?  If not, why are you playing this way with Defoe in the lineup?  And why did you sign an extension with Defoe if you intend to play this way? 

2.                  Double D's.  Spurs picked up Dempsey and Dembele.  Both are attacking midfielders like Gylfi Sigurdsson. Where are they going to play?  Why have you gone three deep at one position?  Are you intending to change formation?

3.                  Van Der Vaart.  Why did you part with VDV?  It seemed clear in from game one, and it seemed confirmed by your starting him in game two, that VDV outplayed Sigurdsson in the attacking midfielder position.  VDV possesses the ball better, passes better, and put 13 in the back of the net last year. Granted, VDV isn't fast, but what did you gain by letting him go?

Premier League Transfer Madness: Going Out on a Limb

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In which we go out on a limb to analyze the latest transfers -- both fact and gossip:

Dimitar Berbatov to Fulham: We've spoken early and often of our admiration for the languid Bulgarian, so it will come as no surprise that we think this will be a great pick up for Fulham.  As one Twitter wag stated yesterday, Martin Jol must be an absolute transfer genius to have picked up Mladen Petric and Dimitar Berbatov solely with the funds he received from offloading Bobby Zamora.  We can't wait to see Dimi receive the regular football he deserves, and believe he will once again be near the top of the League in goals by the end of the season.  If Berbatov does what we think he can, Manchester United may be glad they've already played Fulham once this season.

Andy Carroll to West Ham United (on loan): Could this be a marriage made in heaven?  Sure sounds like it to us.  Big Sam loves kick and run football -- and whose head is better to aim at than the ponytailed Geordie?  We don't see Carroll ever being worth anything close to £35 million in this lifetime, but if his form revives in a system that suits him, this could be a rather shrewd loan move by the scousers.

Clint Dempsey to Aston Villa: Seriously?  If this move comes off, Clint Dempsey's agent ought to have his hearing checked: Dempsey expressed a desire to play in the Champions League -- not the Championship next season.

Moussa Dembele to Spurs: A nice acquisition by Spurs, who may be shedding themselves of a midfielder or two in the next couple of  hours (see below for more).  We've always liked Dembele, and his fine form from last season has continued into the current campaign.  Spurs need more directness in their attack, and Dembele could be just the man to supply it.

Fernando Llorente to Liverpool: Sorry Liverpool fans, as much as you'd love it, it's just not happening.

Scott Sinclair to Manchester City: [Yawn.]  Someone had to replace Adam Johnson on the bench at Eastlands.

Julio Cesar to QPR: Someone check this man's age.  The calendar may show 32, but he's already showing signs of severe dementia, claiming that he believes QPR will win the League.  Mark Hughes' strategy seems to involve buying anything that's not nailed down at the current moment, and we believe this is a move that the club will soon regret.  Isn't Robert Green good enough for the Championship next season?

Edin Dzeko to Arsenal: If this one is true, Arsene Wenger should step down for the good of the club and its fans.  If he were to acquire Dzeko, Wenger will have officially jumped the shark.  To clarify, when we were saying Arsenal should be a bit more physical, we were talking about the defense and midfield, Arsene.

Talkin' Transfers: World Football Roundup

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Thank God football returns today -- and not a moment too soon.  The last few weeks have felt like an eternity, a desert of boredom in the middle of the European Championship and the summer games.  Sure, it may only be "pre-season" football, but I'm not choosy -- I'll take what I can get.  

Meantime, some parting shots at the latest transfer stories in today's newspapers: 

o Clint Dempsey to Liverpool?  Please don't make me hate America's best footballer.  I could take a move to Arsenal -- I'd welcome it, in fact.  But Liverpool?  That's a whole 'nother kettle of fish....

o Ibra to PSG?  Probably a great signing by the Ligue 1 side.  The guy is a complete enigma, but he's also a proven title winner -- in the Netherlands, Italy and Spain.  The French title seems rather easily within reach with this latest move -- which must be true, as it's already reflected on his Wikipedia entry.  Combined with the signing of Thiago Silva and  coach Carlo Ancelotti, PSG could be a team to watch in next year's Champions League.

o Is the Manchester United transfer saga -- or lack of it -- the most boring football story of the summer?  I wish they'd just sign Baines now so we could get rid of all the other endless links -- along with the inevitable disappointment that will follow.  It's almost enough to make me long for the good old days, in which Wesley Sneijder was regularly spotted in Manchester by someone "in the know...".

o Luka Modric to Real?  The prospect of losing one man crush -- Dimitar Berbatov -- to West Ham is upsetting enough.  But losing Luka to another league altogether would truly be a double blow for this particular writer.

Lots of Questions, Very Few Answers

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1. Why is everyone seeming to blame Mario Balotelli for City's recent dip in form?  He may be a convenient scapegoat, but the Italian is also the Sky Blues' leading scorer since the New Year began.  There's plenty of blame to go around on the other side of Manchester, starting at the top, but it seems so easy just to point to Mario. The truth, unfortunately, is not nearly so neat.

2. Forget Dimitar Berbatov, what in the world has happened to Park Ji-Sung?  The South Korean used to be one of Fergie's favorites, and one would assume that Parks's terrier-like tenaciousness would suit United's need-for-speed lineup well (as much as it pains me to make dog analogies about South Korea's greatest footballing export).  Have we seen the last of Parky in a United kit?

3. Why hasn't King Kenny played Maxi Rodriguez and Craig Bellamy more often this season?  Reduced to bit players before midweek, the duo appear far more capable than many others that a mediocre Liverpool side has routinely trotted out onto the pitch.

4. And speaking of Liverpool, could their season get any more comedic?  I can't decide if their red kit was designed to symbolize the supporters' embarrasment, or the color of the cards collected by their goalkeepers.  One red card on Tuesday for Doni was hilarious; a yellow that should have been red for Brad Jones was beyond hysterical.  King Kenny can retire, his mission now complete: we're not laughing with you, Kenny, we're laughing at you.

5. Does the FA utilize any employees to make decisions, or do they just shake a Magic 8 Ball? I've written ad nauseum about the corruption and ineptitude that permeate this decrepit organization, but the Magic 8 ball is the only explanation that makes sense regarding the FA's simultaneous and mind-numbing decisions to uphold Shaun Derry's red card while not charging Mario Balotelli for a much more dangerous offense.

Inter-Office Memos: Round 27 in the BPL

photo by Michael Cory	via PhotoRee

Memo to Kenny: Spot kicks are something that Liverpool should work on in practice. A 60% failure rate is nothing to write home about.

Memo to Luis Suarez: One thing Liverpool don't need to work on is diving  -- you've got that one down pat.  But when are Scousers fans worldwide going to wake up and realize the incredible damage you're doing to their reputation...?

Memo to Bolton:  Thanks for trying something new at The Etihad -- taking a first half shot on goal. As for City, they may as well have been sleepwalking through the match, which -- in fact -- several of their players did. Although they beat you easily in the end, and recorded their 19th straight home victory, Saturday was the third game in a row in which the Citizens were never really tested.  It kind of makes you wonder what might happen if the opposition ever manages to score first....

Memo to David Luiz: Your socks were hiked up so high this weekend that it appeared as if you were wearing a pair of tights against West Bromwich Albion.  With the hairdo, you're now only a plié away from the ballet.

Memo to AVB: It doesn't take a genius to see that the Chelsea players completely quit on you -- even Roman spotted this one.   There's very little to no effort coming from many of the men on your team. When the season began there were defensive lapses; now, an offensive malaise has set in, as well. All of this only goes to prove the famous Roman mathematical formula, named after a certain Russian mathematician: No offense + no defense + few wins = no job. It's that simple.

Memo to Fernando Torres:  I wonder what kind of odds you could have received at the beginning of the season on you lasting longer at Chelsea than AVB?

Balotelli = Bad

photo by wsilver	via PhotoRee

Columnist Ed is still grieving -- he's clearly in the denial phase right now:

o Mario Balotelli is a terrific player and a gifted athlete. But his attack on Scott Parker – a cleat to the head – was appalling.  This was not Bolotelli’s first dirty shot this year, and as a result he has been handed a four game suspension upon postgame review.  Such a suspension isn’t nearly enough.  Had Parker been someone who fouled him consistently throughout the game, perhaps there would have been some justification.  Or as Gary Neville put it, had it been someone like Gary Neville, it would be easier to understand.  But Balotelli had no reason to be angry at Parker, which suggest some minor sociopathy.  Balotelli’s agent is now stating that England isn’t being fair to him.  Clearly for the right price you can get always get someone to agree with you. 

o Despite the Balotelli incident, City v. Spurs game was among the most exciting of the season.  Both teams began nervously before exploding to life in the second half.  Good for Spurs to come back from two goals down, and good for Jermaine Defoe for finishing that first long ball with ease – I have seen many EPL players blow easier passes than that.  But losing like they did couldn’t be more devastating, especially in light of the fact that Balotelli should not have been in the game.  Let’s take Howard Webb’s explanation at his word – he missed it.  That said, ever since a poor World Cup game Webb’s performances have been poor and sometimes poorer.  He’s getting to the point where I think he’s still a ref because he looked like he’d be a good ref.  It’s time for Webb to shape up his game, and it’s time for more video tape reviews.

o The loss by Spurs was obviously devastating.  The only fiber of silver lining that can be pulled from the contest would be that Spurs ought to finally understand that they can be a top team.  Accepting this mentally is the first step to becoming a top team, though that got a lot tougher after that loss to City.

o I thought you weren’t allowed to slow down on penalty kicks.  Isn’t that a rule?  Isn’t that what Balotelli did.

o Don’t be fooled by the United win at Arsenal.  The Gunners are in full injury mode, yet that game could’ve gone either way and in the second half the Gunners had more chances.  United are still – still – relying on Paul Scholes and Ryan Giggs in the middle.  I suspect their confidence is somewhat hollow, and wouldn’t be shocked to see them get beat up by a random second tier team sometime soon.   

What We Learned This Past Weekend in the BPL

Columnist Randy Lecturing on the BPL to a Class of Highly Interested Students
photo by Shaylor	via PhotoRee

Columnist Randy appears to like the beer he's receiving:

With my first payment from Farlie on Footie in hand (Dogfish Head 90 Minute Imperial IPA), I decided to chronicle a few interesting things we learned in the BPL this week.

1.  Landon Who?

While the American press heaps loads of praise on Landon Donovan, the best American in the BPL, by far, is Clint Dempsey. Dempsey, Fulham’s all-time leading scorer, this weekend became the first American to register a Premier League hat trick with his stellar performance against Newcastle (he also had a hat trick in his last outing against Charlton in the FA Cup). Dempsey is in the League's top five goal scorers this season, and is now the top goal-scoring midfielder (he was previously tied with Farlie on Footie favorite Frank Lampard).  Dempsey’s all around play has greatly improved this year and hopefully will translate into transfer interest from one of the League's top teams so he can get a chance to play in the Champions League next year. Now, let's just hope USA Soccer coach Jurgen Klinsmann uses Dempsey to his full potential leading up the 2014 World Cup.

2. Wolves are absolute rubbish

Coming off an embarrassing mid-week loss to Championship side Birmingham City, Wolves followed up with a home defeat to Aston Villa. To add insult to injury, former Wolves' star Robbie Keane scored the leveling and winning goals, the last on a beautiful strike from 20 yards that went in off the underside of the crossbar. Wolves haven’t kept a clean sheet at home in 10 games this season, and are winless in their last eight fixtures. The only thing keeping them off the bottom of the table is a more inept Wigan squad, but at this point they seem destined for relegation. The only question that seems remaining is when manager Mick McCarthy will get the sack.

Deuce and the Hat: Round 22 in the BPL

photo by badjonni	via PhotoRee

Some questions and observations from all the latest action in the Barclay's Premier League:


o Chelsea captain John Terry said late last week that the Blues can still win the title. Win the title?  Is he joking...?  What title was he talking about?  The League's biggest underperformers....?!

o Chelsea's offense looks strangely impotent this season. They may have brought in Gary Cahill last week, but as bad as the Blues' defense has been, it's not their biggest problem.  Not only is Chelsea not scoring much, they're not even threatening goal.  The problems are myriad: there's never anyone in front of goal to receive a cross,  Sturridge and Torres shouldn't play together, Torres' confidence is shot -- excuse after excuse, and no goals to speak of....

o Our favorite chant of the Weekend came from the Norwich City fans to Fernando Torres: "What a waste of money." How true....

o What a turnaround for Fulham against Newcastle on Saturday....  Down a goal and seemingly completely out of the game at the interval, the Cottagers' comeback began with a debatable penalty, but only came into full fruition through the feet of a certain American forward.  When Clint Dempsey banged in his third goal of the day in the 89th minute to top off Fulham's five goal second half bonanza, Martin Jol was so happy he straightened his frown.  Needless to say, with his second three-goal-outburst in his last three contests, the Texan was the only player we seriously considered for our prestigious Player of the Week honors.

o It was unfortunate that Fox Soccer missed Dempsey's third goal, as the programming switched mid-game to the Premier Week Preview Show for several minutes before coming back to live action. Although goals by Americans in the BPL are becoming more common, hat tricks are so rare they have to be celebrated. 

o And speaking of Deuce, his scores on Saturday were the 50th, 51st and 52nd time the American has found the back of the net for Fulham. In combination with Landon Donovan at Everton, the two Americans are really enjoying their football this season, which leads me to a question: When was the last time two Americans were among the very best players on their respective BPL teams...?  I'd venture to say never. And although Fulham and Everton aren't exactly Man United and Arsenal, it's a start, boys and girls. It's a start.