Something to Behold: Rounds 20 & 21 in the BPL

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o Led by their wantaway striker Demba Ba, the Newcastle offense is something to behold: seven goals in its last three games, and against top opposition at that. The only unit currently more adept at putting the ball into the back of the net is whichever team happens to be playing the Magpies on any given day.

o Dimitar Berbatov looked like a chess Grand Master against West Brom on New Year's Day. Gesturing where he wanted the ball passed -- and not alway to him -- Berbs was thinking three to four moves ahead of anyone else on the pitch. And warping the time /space continuum, Bebatov seemed to float above the game, consistently popping up in the most unexpected places for a man who is reputed to move at very leisurely pace.

o Resting Ashley Cole, Ramires, Juan Mata and Eden Hazard at the same time may not have been the smartest decision by Rafa Benitez, but the real dope of Round 22 was Referee Lee Mason, who chose to flash only a yellow card at Chelsea's Marko Marin for his clear-as-day red card offense, which could easily have resulted in a broken leg for Stephen M'Bia.

o Player of the Week Javier Hernandez bagged a brace against Wigan on New Year's Day, but that's not what won him the Award -- or else his Flying Dutchman teammate would have been in contention, too. No, instead it was the Little Pea's superb movement off the ball and stunningly quick reaction time -- in which the mexican appears to speed up just as others slow down -- that gave Chicharito the honors and have made him one of the most lethal predators in the League today.

o The shirt message thing hit a new low when Edin Dzeko took a yellow card to display the latest words hidden under his kit. And for those of you wondering what's happened to City's offensive creativity this term, the answer, it seems, is written on the shirt. Last year was all about Super Mario's "Why Always Me?" display. But apparently the best a City striker could come up with this season was "Happy New Year...?!" We guess Dzeko's not the imaginative type.

Eight is Enough

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If Correspondent Scott has three ideas, Correspondent Ed wants eight:

1. Dimitar Berbatov, the bossman's never-ending man-crush, is the reason to watch Fulham. He directs traffic, he calmly holds and distributes, and he scores. It remains unknown why no one other than Fulham made a run at Berbatov. You think Liverpool would benefit from him? How about Spurs? The guy led the league in scoring a few years ago for United and it turns out it wasn'tvv just because he had a good team around him. This should be obvious from anyone whose seen Bulgaria play -- Berbatov runs the show there just like he does for Fulham right now. Martin Jol is getting a lot of credit for Fulham's play this year; he's a good manager, but let's face it, it doesn't hurt to have one of the best strikers in the league on the squad.

2. Wait, what just happened at Chelsea? DiMatteo out and Rafael Benitez -- the Desperate One -- in as "interim" coach? What's the point of this again? Chelsea has all the resources in the world, but their wealthy and determined Russian kleptocrat is hurting his team with the constant changes. DiMatteo may not be one of the best coaches in the league, but he deserved a full season at least after winning the Champions League and setting his team on the right path. Benitez will be little if any improvement, and then he'll be gone. Wierd way to run a team.

3. Liverpool isn't getting too many breaks this year, and that continued against Spurs on Wednesday. The team is improving, and probably deserved at least a point in the game. But unfortunately you can say that often about the team. At the end of the day, I stand by my thoughts of an earlier post. As Bill Parcells used to say, "you are what your record says you are." I think Brendan Rodgers, Liverpool's player apologist, might want to hit his team with a little more tough love to jump start them for the rest of the season. To be honest, the BPL is more fun when Liverpool is good. Heck, it would be most fun if all the teams were good. Salary cap anyone?

4. Zlatan Ibrahimivic's goal against England is getting a lot of replay. I don't think it's as well deserved as all that. Granted, it was a bicycle kick from distance, but it was more or less lucky insofar as he was simply trying to get something on goal. Rooney's goal against Man city -- a bicycle kick volley off a corner kick, was far more impressive.

A Great Advertisement: Week 9 in the BPL

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o We saw a great advertisement for the Championship this weekend. Unfortunately, it involved Aston Villa playing Norwich City in the Premier League.

o Can it be a coincidence that Mark Hughes' teams keep hitting the self destruct button with late game  red cards?  It's relatively easy to blame the ill-tempered players who commit the rash acts, but when it happens repeatedly it's a sign of poor discipline -- and that problem deserves to be laid squarely at the doorstep of the Manager.  Sorry, Sparky, but your time is up.

o Telling scene of the day: While Micah Richards was being attended to by a number of medical staff, given oxygen and being placed on a stretcher, teammates Mario Balotelli and Edin Dzeko felt the situation called for...a few quick jokes over on the sideline. Nice job, guys. I'm sure Micah your concern.

o Call him a diving cheat, and you'd be only half right. Luis Suarez' purposeful stamp on Sylvain Distin's Achilles heel shows exactly what type of player the Uruguayan is: a dirty, diving cheat.  Regardless, David Moyes is probably glad he's seen the last of the ugly Uruguayan for some time, and it's only reluctantly that we name Suarez our Player of the Week.

o What a wild ending for Fulham and Reading on Saturday; three goals in the final eight minutes will do that to you....  While he must have thought for certain that he scored a late winner, it was still great to see a smile back on Dimitar Berbatov's face as he handed his team the lead, an advantage they soon coughed back up. 

If Berba and Chicharito are smiling, it's a great week in English football.  This is a smiling farlieonfootie for October 31, wishing a Happy Halloween to all our friends.

Separated at Birth: Week 7 in the BPL

o The most memorable moment from City's 3-0 thumping of Sunderland at home on Saturday?: Super Mario's long, slow walk to the tunnel after being withdrawn for Sergio Aguero at the game's 55 minute mark. With everyone else on the team celebrating an easy home victory, you know the question that's got to be foremost on Balotelli's mind: Why always me...?

o Chelsea looked about as comfortable as you can possibly appear against a Premier League aide while playing a hapless Norwich City at Stamford Bridge on Saturday.

o Who needs Daniel Day-Lewis when you have Eden Hazard? It's been bothering us for a few weeks now, but we finally figured it out: slap a stovepipe hat and an old, musty dark suit on him, and Eden Hazard could easily pass for the 16th President of the United States, Abraham Lincoln. 




Separated at Birth

o We meant to offer some pithy comments on Everton vs. Wigan, but we have to be honest with you: an Oktoberfest event came calling instead. You choose: Everyon against Wigan, or several big, cold daytime beers calling your name.... I thought so.

o Bogus Yellow Card of the week: Theo Walcott being cautioned for excessive celebration when he launched himself into the first row of the Arsenal supporters after putting the Gunners up 2-1 against West Ham. To which we say about the FA: You're a #BunchOfTwats.

o Three thoughts while watching Arsenal 3 - West Ham 1: 1) Andy Carroll looks rejuvenated -- Big Sam's system fits him to a T; 2) if Theo Walcott has emerged from his exile and can rediscover the rich vein of scoring form he hit last season, the sky is the limit as to just how good this Arsenal team can become -- they seemingly have a wealth of attacking options; and 3) once again, Santi Cazorla ran the show for the Gunners. Remember when David Villa was the hot Spanish import in the BPL? Yeah, well no longer.... Cazorla looked cutting and dangerous at all times on Saturday -- our only concern is that he also looks a bit like "that" type of player when playing teams that practice the traditional lumbering English style of football -- he may be able to cut apart the West Hams and Stokes of the world, but can he do it against one of the "big" teams...?

May Day: Week 4 in the BPL

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o Chelsea and QPR may have drawn 1-1 this weekend, but the least surprising development of the day was Ranger's left back Fabio limping off the Loftus Road pitch after less than 18 minutes. You didn't think switching teams would somehow make him sturdier, did you?

o We may already have had a soft spot in our heart for Ji-Sung Park, but our respect for QPR's South Korean Captain grew by leaps and bounds when he refused to shake John Terry's hand prior to the game against Chelsea this Saturday. Taking a stand for principled people everywhere, Parky reminded us all of what's important in life: respect, a word the Chelsea Captain likely can't even spell.

o Two goals by Dimitar Berbatov in his first 90 minutes for Fulham, and let's see.....  Maybe someone could tell me what he was doing on the bench for the last year and a half...?!  And just because we can, we're handing Dimitar our Player of the Week honors to pay homage to his brace.

o Arsenal may have cruised to a 6-1 victory over Southampton on Saturday, but for us the most touching part of the entire afternoon was Wojciech Sczcesny's loving tribute to teammate Lukasz Flappyhandski, in which the younger Pole managed singlehandedly to end the Gunners' shutout streak at more than 300 minutes, all in a style all too familiar to Arsenal fans. It's nice to know that while Fabianksi may be gone, he's definitely not forgotten.

o It may only be the fourth game of the season, but all of Manchester United's pre-season signings have found the net as of Saturday -- are you reading this, Olivier Giroud? -- with both Alexander Buttner and Nick Powell adding their names to the scorer's sheet. They've joined Shinji Kagawa and Robin Van Persie, which leaves us with only one question: when will Angelo Henriquez get his first start..?

o By the way, do you think there may have been any celebrating going on in gypsy caravan party camp when Alexander Buttner scored his goal...?  Just askin'....

Premier League Transfer Madness: Going Out on a Limb

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In which we go out on a limb to analyze the latest transfers -- both fact and gossip:

Dimitar Berbatov to Fulham: We've spoken early and often of our admiration for the languid Bulgarian, so it will come as no surprise that we think this will be a great pick up for Fulham.  As one Twitter wag stated yesterday, Martin Jol must be an absolute transfer genius to have picked up Mladen Petric and Dimitar Berbatov solely with the funds he received from offloading Bobby Zamora.  We can't wait to see Dimi receive the regular football he deserves, and believe he will once again be near the top of the League in goals by the end of the season.  If Berbatov does what we think he can, Manchester United may be glad they've already played Fulham once this season.

Andy Carroll to West Ham United (on loan): Could this be a marriage made in heaven?  Sure sounds like it to us.  Big Sam loves kick and run football -- and whose head is better to aim at than the ponytailed Geordie?  We don't see Carroll ever being worth anything close to £35 million in this lifetime, but if his form revives in a system that suits him, this could be a rather shrewd loan move by the scousers.

Clint Dempsey to Aston Villa: Seriously?  If this move comes off, Clint Dempsey's agent ought to have his hearing checked: Dempsey expressed a desire to play in the Champions League -- not the Championship next season.

Moussa Dembele to Spurs: A nice acquisition by Spurs, who may be shedding themselves of a midfielder or two in the next couple of  hours (see below for more).  We've always liked Dembele, and his fine form from last season has continued into the current campaign.  Spurs need more directness in their attack, and Dembele could be just the man to supply it.

Fernando Llorente to Liverpool: Sorry Liverpool fans, as much as you'd love it, it's just not happening.

Scott Sinclair to Manchester City: [Yawn.]  Someone had to replace Adam Johnson on the bench at Eastlands.

Julio Cesar to QPR: Someone check this man's age.  The calendar may show 32, but he's already showing signs of severe dementia, claiming that he believes QPR will win the League.  Mark Hughes' strategy seems to involve buying anything that's not nailed down at the current moment, and we believe this is a move that the club will soon regret.  Isn't Robert Green good enough for the Championship next season?

Edin Dzeko to Arsenal: If this one is true, Arsene Wenger should step down for the good of the club and its fans.  If he were to acquire Dzeko, Wenger will have officially jumped the shark.  To clarify, when we were saying Arsenal should be a bit more physical, we were talking about the defense and midfield, Arsene.

Berba on the Bench: A Love Story

 

 

(With Apologies to Ernest Thayer)

 

The Outlook wasn't brilliant for the Champions that day:
The score stood two to three, with just minutes left to play.
And then when Giggsy missed a shot, and Scholesy did the same,
A sickly silence fell upon the many patrons of the game.

 

A straggling few got up to go in deep despair. The rest
Clung to that hope which springs eternal in the human breast;
They thought, if only Berbatov could get upon the pitch -
We'd put up even money, now, with Berba we'd be rich.

 

But Welbz preceded Berbatov, as did Chico, too,
And the former was a homeboy and the latter quick-a-roo;
So upon that stricken multitude grim melancholy sat,
For there seemed but little chance of Berba's getting off the mat.

 

But Roo let fly a tackle, to the wonderment of all,
In doing so, the talisman turned ankle over ball;
And when the dust had lifted, the crowd became all warm,
For the linesman was a-whistling, and a-raising his own arm.

 

Then from 5,000 throats and more there rose a lusty yell;
It rumbled through the valley, it rattled in the dell;
It disappointed many, as Macheda was revealed,
And Berba, artful Berba, was nowhere near the field.

 

There was languid ease in Dimi's manner as he sat upon the bench;
There was pride in Dimi's bearing, though Dimi's teeth did clench.
And when, responding to the cheers, he lightly coiffed his hair,
No one could deny that Berba Love was in the air.

 

Ten thousand eyes were on him as he fiddled with his phone;
Five thousand tongues applauded him as from the bench his aura shone.
Then as the crowd watched him rub his his hands into his hip,
Longing gleamed in Berba's eye, but placid was his lip.

 

And while the leather-covered sphere kept hurtling through the air,
Berba sat a-watching it in languid splendor there.
Close by the United bench the ball unheeded sped-
"Put me in Coach, please," said Berba. "Not now," the Gaffer said.

 

Manchester United 1 - Amazulu FC 0: The Return of the Reds

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What a relief. After a tortuous two months of non-Manchester United football, Wednesday finally saw the return of the mighty Reds to our viewing lives. Like water to a parched man, the sights seen on Wednesday will provide sustenance to the club's fanbase worldwide, and an adequate lead up to the beginning of the "real" season in just over a month's time. Viewed on the first leg of their three continent pre-season tour, United faced Amazulu FC in Durban, South Africa, a location known more for its beautiful beaches than the beautiful game. 


To Moses Mabhida Stadium we head, to check in on the United's early progress in what can only be described as an extremely important pre-season tour, given last season's paltry trophy return:

o As was expected, United started a mixed bag of a lineup, featuring veterans Rio Ferdinand, Michael Carrick and Paul Scholes among others, but also youngsters Scott Wooton, Robbie Brady, Jesse Lingard and Frederic Veseli. Of note, Dimitar Berbatov was given a rare start -- all the better to show off his wares to any and all interested parties.

o All of the United players looked a bit rusty in the game's opening minutes -- except Paul Scholes. The guy was on song right from the opening kick, and looked as if last season never ended.

o It took 20 minutes to find the net, and although Kiko Macheda got credit for the goal, the through ball from Berba was a piece of art and inch perfect for the setup. In truth, United could have scored multiple times in the minutes prior to the opener, as the disparity in talent was obvious from the opening whistle.

o The home side gained a bit of confidence as the first half wore on, even asking a question or two of United 'keeper Ander Lindegaard before the referee's whistle blew.

o The highlight of the first half came with five minutes to spare, however, as a Berbatov sidewinder volley was just parried over the bar by the Amazulu goalkeeper. The combination of technique and timing captured in one instant the things that are so special about the languid Bulgarian -- who drips talent from either boot every time he touches the ball.

Talkin' Transfers: World Football Roundup

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Thank God football returns today -- and not a moment too soon.  The last few weeks have felt like an eternity, a desert of boredom in the middle of the European Championship and the summer games.  Sure, it may only be "pre-season" football, but I'm not choosy -- I'll take what I can get.  

Meantime, some parting shots at the latest transfer stories in today's newspapers: 

o Clint Dempsey to Liverpool?  Please don't make me hate America's best footballer.  I could take a move to Arsenal -- I'd welcome it, in fact.  But Liverpool?  That's a whole 'nother kettle of fish....

o Ibra to PSG?  Probably a great signing by the Ligue 1 side.  The guy is a complete enigma, but he's also a proven title winner -- in the Netherlands, Italy and Spain.  The French title seems rather easily within reach with this latest move -- which must be true, as it's already reflected on his Wikipedia entry.  Combined with the signing of Thiago Silva and  coach Carlo Ancelotti, PSG could be a team to watch in next year's Champions League.

o Is the Manchester United transfer saga -- or lack of it -- the most boring football story of the summer?  I wish they'd just sign Baines now so we could get rid of all the other endless links -- along with the inevitable disappointment that will follow.  It's almost enough to make me long for the good old days, in which Wesley Sneijder was regularly spotted in Manchester by someone "in the know...".

o Luka Modric to Real?  The prospect of losing one man crush -- Dimitar Berbatov -- to West Ham is upsetting enough.  But losing Luka to another league altogether would truly be a double blow for this particular writer.

Nine None-Too-Insightful Thoughts on United's 2-0 Win Over Aston Villa

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o Ashley Young with his second dive in the box inside of a week's time?  It's starting to get a bit old, Ash.  You're going to begin drawing yellows for your antics rather than penalties -- or worse, not have a penalty called when it's truly deserved.  I'll take the lead but could do without the theatrics.

o Michael Carrick and Paul Scholes playing together in midfield make me think about how thin United is in the middle. Driving the point home yesterday were Carrick's early card and the subsequent first half knock that Scholes took: what would happen if either man was to get two cards in a game, or -- even worse -- injured?  While the Red Devils have an embarrassment of riches at both wings, they're a bit barren in the middle at the moment. Sure, Giggs, Cleverley or Jones could cover, but would you really look forward to seeing any of them playing a full 90 in central midfield in one of the Reds' upcoming fixtures?

o Very telling: If you don't think even the veteran players are nervous at this point of the season, think again. Rio Ferdinand couldn't bear to watch Wazza'a first half penalty that handed United a 1-nil lead, preferring instead to keep his back toward the goal, eyes on the Stretford End, and ears open to the sounds of the crowd.

o Despite the four goals yesterday, United's offense is all looking a bit labored right now.  It's not that it's too slow, or too through the middle, it's that they are trying to make it all too intricate -- in essence, they're working too hard. There are too many passes, too much looking for the perfect ball, and it's all a bit nervy -- we're slowly turning into Arsenal.

o Danny Welbeck is not playing with a ton of confidence at the moment -- he passed up a bundle of opportunities to pull the trigger yesterday, and when he did look to shoot he often wanted one too many touches.  Perhaps his late first half tap in of Patrice Evra's seeing eye assist will help to get Welbz back in gear.

o I've been saying this for weeks now -- longer than most -- but Wayne Rooney is not on song, and -- as we all know -- as goes Rooney, so goes United. The Englishman's formerly deft passing and touch seem to have deserted him of late, and he's beginning to get a bit frustrated. To Roo's credit, he hasn't been lashing out -- either at his teammates or the opposition -- but if United is going to seal the title, their talisman needs to seriously step it up over the next two to three weeks.

The Whoopie Cushion: Blackburn Rovers 3 - Manchester United 2

Photo by Stevendepolo on Flickr

Blackburn Rovers played party spoilers at Old Trafford on Saturday, as Manchester United surrendered a shocking three goals and lost at home for the second time this season.  Injuries tell part of the tale, especially on defense, but even the most ardent Red would have to look himself in the mirror and say the team just wasn't good enough on a day that saw United play a lineup full of attacking options -- including Antonio Valencia, Nani, Danny Welbeck, Chicharito, and Dimitar Berbatov all on the pitch at the same time.

The game began like many of the team's recent efforts, as the movement both on and off the ball looked strong to begin the contest.  There were bursts of flowing movement, but with a key difference to the last several matches: no end product.  Even more unfortunately, the game's first score came from a most unexpected spot: Dimitar Berbatov -- showcasing that his defense still needs some work -- pulled down a massive fistful of Yakubu in the box, and the Nigerian calmly dispatched the ball beyond David De Gea to give the visitors an unfamiliar 1-nil lead.

With so many players being deployed outside of their natural positions, United were overly aggressive in their tackles, with Nani and Michael Carrick giving confirmed United hater Mike Dean two easy opportunities to brandish his yellow card. Phil Jones' offesnive effort was unwittingly blocked by Chicharito as the Reds finally began to build up a head of steam on the offensive front, dominating possession. For their part, Blackburn showcased some grit but little polish on defense, although they did manage to limit the Reds' real chances to somewhat less than a handful by the game's half hour mark.

Five Things We Learned Watching Manchester United put Five Past Wigan

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It's like Groundhog Day around here at farlieonfootie.  In a virtual repeat of their last game, United scored early on Boxing Day and were out of sight by halftime.  So why mess with success?  If the theme works, let's keep it going....  Herewith, five things we learned yesterday as United put five past a hapless Wigan side to go joint top of the table with City:

1.  Michael Carrick and Antonio Valencia are the ultimate utility players. With Sir Alex back in rotation mode on Boxing Day, the Englishman and the Ecuadorian are plug and play options who fill in whatever void injuries or rest happen to hand the Reds. Their versatility is hugely underrated -- very few players are good enough to play anywhere other than their "natural" position.  And while Valencia's move from winger to fullback might allow him some sense of familiarity, Carrick's move from midfield to central defense is a whole different kettle of fish and much more complicated than it might at first appear.  That both excelled yesterday in a position other than their regular spot has got to give the rest of the team a huge boost in confidence.

2.  Darren Gibson?!?!  That is all.

3.  Ji-Sung Park played today as if he got a massive lump of coal from Santa on Sunday.  The South Korean was full of piss and vinegar, especially in the first half, taking out a season full of frustration on Wigan Athletic, and getting only his second goal of the season to open the scoring. Park was a whirling dervish on both offense and defense, popping up forward and back, right and left, and causing all sorts of problems for the visitors. There's a downside, though, to this sort of performance: Sir Alex may actually begin to believe that he doesn't need any new midfield signings if Parky keeps it up....

Paradise Lost: Manchester United 2 - Benfica 2

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Manchester United were forced to face Benfica at home without their talisman Wayne Rooney yesterday, so it was Dimitar Berbatov leading the line, as Nani and the-just-returned-from-injury Ashley Young partnered with the Bulgarian to provide offense in Tuesday's Champions League face off.  At the back, it was Phil Jones pairing with Rio Ferdinand in Nemanja Vidic' absence, attempting to keep the Portuguese out of the net.  Benfica entered the game unbeaten this season, with the current streak at 20 games entering the contest.

Jones figured prominently in early going, with his own goal gifting Benfica the lead -- definitely not the kind of welcome United were envisioning when the game plan was designed. Within five minutes, the English champs were down 1-0, the first goal the team had allowed in six games, on truly the first attack of the day from the visitors.  Once again, it was the midfield that was exposed, with Michael Carrick and Darren Fletcher unable to cover all of the Portuguese players who came flooding into the center of the pitch.

Benfica's obvious game plan was to hit the Reds hard and often, in an attempt to unsettle the home side and slow the game down, nullifying whatever movement or momentum the Reds had -- and it appeared to work, with the Reds seeming unusually jjittery at Old Trafford. Teams seem to be coming into the Theater of Dreams this season with a different mindset, a reminder that United appear more vulnerable -- especially mentally -- than they have in seasons past.

Nani gave Benfica the most trouble in the game's opening half hour, dribbling through the Portuguese side almost at will, but he was also responsible for repeatedly giving the ball away.  Although United had significantly more of the possession at 60/40, they were unsuccessful in their attempts to create quality scoring chances, failing to test the Benfica 'keeper in the games first half hour.

Back on Track: Manchester United 3 - Aldershot Town 0

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Playing in a stadium just one-tenth the size of Old Trafford, Manchester United went back to basics last night in a fifth round Carling Cup contest against Coach Dean Holdsworth's Division Two Aldershot Town.

Herewith, a few thoughts from "the game after," as United eased their way to a relatively straightforward 3-0 victory against industrious opposition, and began the effort to salve the self-inflicted wounds administered during the stoppage time beatdown on Sunday:

o I loved the feel of the broadcast. With its extra tight angles and close-up sideline shots, the camera was practically on the pitch during the contest.  The broadcast had a totally different feel than a weekend Premier League encounter, and the feeling pervaded the entire watching experience.  It had the effect of making the action on dsiplay seem initmately familiar: sure, this might have been Manchester United on display, but this was the game we all know and love at its very core, and the action felt much closer to what the average football fan's experience is with the game than the hyped-up glamour that is big time British football.

o Dimitar Berbatov looked a man among boys last night, which in all fairness, he should have. After all, the Berbinator did lead a certain English League in scoring last season....  The Bulgarian scored the team's first goal last night, and should have bagged a second just a short while later, before he was mowed down in the box by an Aldershot defender. Berba looked geared up and primed for the game, all full of poetry and trickery, and was the undisputed leader of United's attack.  In fact, as if proving a point to his Coach, Berbatov also played defense last night, tracking back repeatedly -- not a trait for which he is especially well known -- and took over the ball in many a deep lying position as he drove the team forward.

o After being thoroughly dominated for the first 25 minutes, Aldershot worked their way back into the game and gave as good as they got for much of the latter stages of the first half. But once again it was Berbatov to the fore: with a deliciously simple side-footed dish to an onrushing Michael Owen, Berbatov set the table for a 2-nil United lead, and quickly and dramatically closed off any remaining "shot" the Aldertownians had at getting back into the game.

Shagging Sheep

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ACT I

SCENE ONE

(A rooftop beer bar in the middle of Manhattan, specializing in Italian craft beer.  The Empire State Building peeks out from behind the bar in the distance.  A midday crowd is gathered around the bar, comprised of tourists enjoying an Indian Summer afternoon, and locals who've snuck away from an honest day's work.  At the corner of the bar sits a stranger, wearing jeans, flip flops, shades and a long-sleeve black jersey with the number "1" and the name "De Gea" emblazoned on the back.  A car horn honks in the distance.)

FARLIEONFOOTIE

How 'bout a drink, Nick?

NICK THE BARTENDER

     (Glances up from drying some glasses)

Whaddya want?

FARLIEONFOOTIE

I'd say a beer, but I just finished hot yoga class before coming here.  You got any coconut water before I move onto the hard stuff?  I'm parched.

NICK

Hot yoga?  Ain't that for girls?

        

FARLIEONFOOTIE

I don't know, man.  If it's good enough for Giggs, it's good enough for me.  It's a great workout.        
                              (Pauses)
Turn up the volume, will ya?  United's on.

(fade out)

SCENE TWO

(A festive Elland Road.  A frenzied crowd of Leeds supporters cheer on the home team, lustily chanting, clapping, stomping their feet, and showering United with prolonged boos and cat calls.)

FAN #1

Think we'll do it again?  Loved knocking those bastards out of the FA Cup a couple seasons back....

FAN #2

Could be, but they're takin' it pretty seriously.  Look at the lineup they've run out tonight.

FAN #1

Yeah. Giggs, Berbatov, Owen, Valencia, Macheda....  Christ, those boys must be desperate to get some playing time.

FAN #2

Ryan Giggs reduced to playing the freakin' League Cup.  Bastard's so old he can barely run, 'cept after birds.

FAN #1

                       Yeah, and they're just a shite Barcelona.
                                              (Guffaws). 
                        I hope we crush 'em.

SCENE THREE

Getting it Off My Chest

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So, some final thoughts for the final weekend:

• Sir Alex is threatening to stop Twitter for Manchester United players after the latest row, which now apparently involves a warning for Wayne Rooney from the ever-judicious FA.  Probably a good idea, especially for non-first team members.

• I'd like to see Berba win the Golden Boot this year. He's led the League in scoring for so long and fully deserves to win the individual honor.  No kicks from the spot nor any free kicks mar his goal-scoring record, a la a certain Captain Caveman.  He's done it all on his own.  Nor has the Berbinator even played much recently: his last two goals were against Fulham and Bolton, dating back a month ago for the former and more than two months ago for the latter, a vitally important late game winner.  In a season in which the team's leading scorer has found his role usurped by a certain young Mexican, it'd be a nice reward to win this one honor, and I'm hoping his teammates help out.

There's No "i" in Berbatov

photo by gordonflood.com	via PhotoRee

Just a quick note, to get you pumped up for the Manchester Derby later today:

I noticed a brief but beautiful thing the other day, something that goes a long way toward explaining Manchester United's success this season.  The inicident I'm recalling occurred directly after Javier Hernandez scored the opening goal against Chelsea at Old Trafford in the second leg Champions League tie on Tuesday.  Cue pandemonium in the stands and on the pitch -- this time, Chicharito's goal counted, and the fact that it occurred right before half-time made it an especially vicious hammer blow to the Blues' already wobbly title hopes.

But I was less impressed by the celebration on the pitch -- Chicha always looks happy when he scores, so this time was no different -- than I was with what occurred on the Manchester United bench immediately afterward: the first player to his feet to celebrate Chicharito's goal was none other than the languid Bulgarian, Dimitar Berbatov, not typically someone noted for his quickness by friend or foe alike.

But this time our Dimi was quick to his feet, and the fact that he was celebrating Chicharito's opener as much as anyone tells the tale in an of itself.  Let's examine his action for just a moment: this is the same player who's been relegated to a ringside seat of the action at the start of eight of the team's last 10 games, solely due to the performance of the very man who scored the goal.

This, despite the fact that Berbatov is not only the team's leading scorer this season -- no, he's better than that.  He's also the leading the league in scoring this season, and with Carlos Tevez' recent hamstring injury, chances are very high that Berba will win the Golden Boot this season, as well.  (As a side note, making his status even more impressive is the fact that not one of Berbatov' goals this season has come from the spot -- where Tevez, the league's second leading scorer, has racked up a considerable number of his tallies).

Poppin' Out of My Head

photo by marcleh	via PhotoRee

Difficult to control the footie thoughts today, popping out of my head from seemingly nowhere at all:

• What in the world did Dimitar Berbatov do to lose his starting place, and what does it all mean for him and Manchester United?  The Bulgarian still to this day leads the EPL in scoring for the season, and his general play, attitude and hustle -- yes, hustle -- have been outstanding this season. So how is he rewarded for all his hard work?  Have a seat, Dimi.... I'll be the first to admit Berba's been streaky this season -- putting up big numbers against Liverpool, Blackburn and Birmingham, and often going dry for a number of games.  But it seems as if just when he last hit top gear -- against Birmingham, in late January, with his third hat trick of the season -- that he was shunted aside yet again.  Am I missing something, or does he just not fit into the Reds' current scheme?  I don't ask this question lightly, as it's impossible to dismiss the preternatural rise of young Javier Hernandez this season, or the undeniable fact that Rooney is finally beginning to play himself into the form that we expected a bit earlier in the campaign, or recognize that Sir Alex prefers a five man midfield in "more important" games, but again I ask: Where does Berba fit in?  I love the guy and I would like to see him on the pitch more often.

• Is Valencia really going to play at that level right from the get go?  Was anyone else astonished by his performance on Saturday?  I mean, doesn't Antonio need a game or two to warm up?  The Ecuadorian's 45 minute shift against Arsenal was simply astounding, and he looked as if he hadn't missed a game all season.  Showing pace, verve and confidence, Tony V reminded us all what we've been missing this year: directness on the ball, terrorizing defensive backs with breakout pace and stinging crosses, and providing a quick outlet for the 'keeper to get the ball up the pitch.  I hope it continues, 'cause if it does it will make all the difference in the run-in.  Talk about a new signing...!  My guess is Valencia will fit in a bit better with his "new" teammates than Torres is doing down in London.

Like an Overstuffed Easy Chair

photo by JAGwired	via PhotoRee

Manchester United defeated a spirited Aston Villa side today in a 3-1 win at Old Trafford in which the final scoreline does not reflect the true ease of the contest. Displaying only flashes of brilliance, United turned in a performance as comfortable as an overstuffed easy chair while cruising to victory, and could have scored goals by the bucketfull if not for a typically magnificent performance in goal by Villa's wise old American 'keeper, Brad Friedel.

Perhaps most worryingly for their rivals, the Red Devil attack this evening was spearheaded not by the EPL's leading scorer, Dimitar Berbatov, but rather by his once and future strike partner, Wayne Rooney, who increased his season scoring output by 66% with a brace.  With his performance tonight, Rooney reminded friend and foe alike that he can still strike like a deadly cobra, and the rest of the league would do well to sit up and take notice.

Also turning back the clock to yesteryear was Sir Ryan Giggs, who turned in yet another scintillating performance in midfield -- his third world class performance in a row to this viewer's eyes. Giggs not only showed bursts of his old pace, but time and again he demonstrated his unparallelled vision and creativity on the pitch in tearing the Villa midfield into tiny little pieces. United looked threatening virtually every time Giggs touched the ball, and much of the attack this evening ran through Giggs and the left hand side of the pitch.

Top Hat

photo by Nesster	via PhotoRee

If familiarity breeds contempt, this weekend is full of matches between EPL teams that hate each other. All the games on offer today and tomorrow involve teams which played each other less than a month ago, during the week between Christmas and New Year's Day. How in the world did the EPL decide to manage its schedule like this...? Clearly, there wasn't a lot of thought went into putting this portion of the season together.....

In any event, United took on Birmingham again this afternoon, in a rematch of the dull and dreary game at St. Andrews in which Lee Mason cheated the Reds out of a couple points on a late goal. And what a difference four weeks made....

In thrashing the Blues 5-nil, United displayed a cutting edge not seen in weeks, absolutely destroying a under-talented Brum side which was never really in the match. From the opening minutes, as a Giggs corner was flicked on by O'Shea and headed home by Berbatov, the Reds were dominant. United piled continual pressure on their former teammate, Ben Foster -- who ended the game looking shellshocked -- and cut open the Birmingham defense early and often in juimping out to a 3-nil halftime lead.