On Why We're Angry and Confused

photo by Arturo J. Paniagua	via PhotoRee

You think Wayne Rooney is angry and confused?  Here's a couple of things we've been dying to clear up, as well:

o David Luiz plus any amount of cash as a makeweight for Roo?  Please.  We'd rather see Luis Suarez walk through the tunnel at Old Trafford every week than be forced to cheer for Sideshow Bob.  If we're going to take a horse's ass, at least let's take one who knows how to play football.

o Did the Special One become so unhinged in Spain that he thought he could get one over on his rivals by publicly unsettling a player curently under contract?  Credit to David Moyes and the new press-friendly Manchester United PR department for leaking the inclusion of Juan Mata or Luiz in the proposed deal.  True or not, Moysie returned Chelsea's aggressive serve with a bullet aimed directly at Mou's ankles.

o Hmmm, let's see: Cristiano or Fellaini?  Thiago....or Fellaini....?  Fabregas.....OR Fellaini....?  ANYONE or Fellaini??!!  Why can't Moyes just admit he wants his former fro-laden hitman to follow him to Old Trafford?  Perhaps it's because he knows this now highly-likely move will be greeted with a massive sigh of resignation from the club's worldwide fanbase.

A Road Map

photo by thejourney1972 (South America "addicted")	via PhotoRee

Scott sounds off:

Beating Spain 3-0 is one thing. But doing it by completely off-balancing them for large portions of the game (including most of the opening 20 min), by harassing and pressuring high up the pitch and throughout midfield, is really something. Sure, Brazil had some luck - David Luiz' goal-saving slide (how did the ball manage to go over the bar?) and Segio Ramos' missed penalty. Not to mention a first goal that was the antithesis of Joga Bonito. But it takes a little luck to go all the way. After all, Spain was only in the final due to one missed penalty by Italy in the semi-final.

While Spain was beaten convincingly, that is not to say that they were dominated, despite the cacophonous Selecao fans. La Roja was able to take the reins from time to time and create opportunities. They were just less able to do so than normal, due to Brazil's gameplan, and it made all the difference. I'm not sure many teams can pull off what Brazil did but they certainly laid out a roadmap for victory over the defending world champions. And with all due respect to the Bossman, with similar effort and fan support, I think they can do it again in 2014, Confederations Cup Curse notwithstanding.

While I think it is still too early to be sure of Neymar's immediate impact at Barca (fitting into the system, Messi, etc.) there is no denying he has the chops to be the real deal. His goal in the Final was textbook field-awareness, skill and power - shuffling back onside, deft first touch and powerful left-footed strike to the only place that would have beaten Iker Casillas from that angle. I just might have to watch more La Liga next year.

Flat: Chelsea 1 - Manchester United 0

photo by OliBac	via PhotoRee

Juan Mata led visiting Chelsea to a narrow 1-0 victory over a flat and disjointed Manchester United in a game that showcased more fireworks in the final five minutes than it did in the previous 85.  Continuing their rather inexplicable hoodoo over the home side, Chelsea managed to not only beat the Reds, but pull off something no other team has done in quite some time -- shutting out United at home -- and tightened their grip on third place in the crucial Champions League race.  

The Blues looked threatening right from the get go, with Juan Mata picking out Demba Ba in front of Anders Lindegaard, but the quickness of the Spaniard's cross took the Chelsea forward by surprise and the opportunity went begging.  The visitors spread the field and plied early pressure upon their hosts, with a number of Chelsea players unsuccessfully testing the Danish goalkeeper in the opening twenty minutes.

For their part, the home side waited until the ninth minute to get their attack started, but for the most part it was all bark and no bite in the game's early going.  For a second week running it was the champions looking ragged on both sides of the ball in the first half, and laboring to get their game in gear.

With the first half gone, the somewhat tame affair had  been largely dominated by the visitors, although a flurry of opportunities for the home side, including Robin Van Persie's attempt to steer in Ryan Gigg's 30 yard pass just before the whistle, was perhaps a sign that they could build on for the second forty five.

Best Served Cold: Round 19 in the BPL

photo by ValetheKid	via PhotoRee

o If revenge is a dish best served cold, Adam Johnson's missile at Sunderland must have been slippery as ice. At least that's the way it appeared as the shot skittered underneath Joe Hart's arm and into his net to beat the City 'keeper on his near post for the winner at the Stadium of Light on Wednesday.

o Stoke City, as encapsulated on one play, a Jonathan Waters goal that sealed the Saints' Boxing Day victory over the Scousers: a) long throw in; b) the ball head flicked from one Stoke player to another; c) the ball controlled with the chest; d) the ball volleyed in mid-air off right foot; e) Stoke players celebrate when ball hits the back of the net. Never touched the ground....

o Victor Moses has made quite an impact on the Chelsea attack, giving it the teeth and incisiveness that its fancier attackers lack. For all the ooh-ing and ahh-ing about Oscar, Juan Mata and Eden Hazard, it's been the addition of the former Wigan man who has made the Blues' offense really turn over. While the other boys are dancing, Moses takes the ball directly at the opposition, requiring a ton of defensive cover, and allowing his fancier teammates to be operate more freely. Full credit to Rafa Benitez for recognizing this, and bringing into the starting lineup a man that former boss man Di Matteo seemed to overlook too often.


o But if he got that one right, oh, man, do we think he has the next one wrong: Perhaps it's just us, but the only thing more ridiculous than the thought of David Luiz playing midfield is the actual sight of David Luiz playing midfield, hair billowing in the wind. The Brazilian looks really good -- almost like he belongs there -- until he gets into the final third with the ball and has absolutely no idea what to do with it.  We also witnessed a lot of standing around and watching other players near the 18 yard box. It's hard to tell if Rafa is doing this just to pull our collective legs, or just to piss off the Chelsea faithful, but this is an experiment that looks as if it could go badly wrong.

o Least intimidating sign in any English Stadium, at any level: "This is Loftus Road."

Men Versus Boys: Chelsea 5 - Manchester United 4

photo by woodleywonderworks	via PhotoRee

Q. Ch-ch-ch-changes...?

A. Yes.  Four days on from their latest classic, it was changes galore as Chelsea faced Manchester United in the Capital One Cup at Stamford Bridge on Wednesday evening. Gone were Wayne Rooney and Robin Van Persie, replaced by Javier Hernandez and Danny Welbeck. Ryan Giggs made a return to the lineup, joining Darren Fletcher, Anderson and Nani in midfield. Rafael was the sole survivor from the weekend, and he was joined on defense by several other youngsters: Scott Wooton, Alexander Buttner and Michael Keane. Anders Lindeaard took the place of David De Gea in goal. Chelsea's lineup was slightly less changed, with Petr Cech, Jon Obi Mikel, Juan Mata and David Luiz reprising their starting roles from Sunday.

Q. Did the game have the same tense atmosphere as Sunday's affair...?

A. Not quite, although it was serious, at least initially. Until Daniel Sturridge tripped over the ball after he broke clear through on goal. And the United away fans unveiled a banner which read "Chelsea: Standing Up To Racism Since Last Sunday." Those two occurrences brought some much needed levity to the early proceedings.

Q. Who stood out most for you in the first half?

A. Chelsea'a Victor Moses played as if he had a point to prove...which in a way, he did. But it was Ryan Giggs who hit the blow that mattered most early on. Ando robbed Romeu of an ill-conceived Petr Cech kick out, and when the Brazilian poked the ball free to Giggsy it was never going to end any other way but 1-0.

Q. 1-nil into halftime?

A. Not after Victor Moses abused Buttner in the box, the Dutchman scything down the Chelsea player and giving Referee Lee Mason no option but to point to the spot. Sideshow Bob powered the ball past a diving Lindegaard and we were back to level.

Q. So, 1-1 at the half?

A. Not quite yet. Sideshow Bob was once again involved in a score, as he was robbed of the ball after yet another foolish midfield jaunt. When Ando put Chicharito through, 2-1 was all but nailed on; Cech must see Chicharito in his nightmares these days.

Q. With these two teams that lead didn't hold up, did it....?

Week 2 in the BPL: In Which Even a Tropical Storm Can't Stop Us

photo by Patrick Hoesly	via PhotoRee

Tropical Storm Isaac may have glanced South Florida this weekend, but after enduring yet another media-hyped non-event, we're betting that it rained more on Wearside Friday night than it did here on Sunday.  Yet unlike Sunderland, at farlieonfootie the show must go on....

o We would have paid good money to hear what West Ham Manager Big Sam Allardyce had to say to Jussi Jaaskelainen and James Collins on Saturday.  That is, if you could have heard him over the half time head smacks and whimpering....

o While everyone was focused pre-season on Manchester City's title defense and Manchester United's acquisition of RVP, Chelsea look as dangerous going forward as they have in several seasons, in large part due to the direct play of Eden Hazard and the re-discovery of Fernando Torres' scoring boots. The big question in our mind is whether the Blues can keep up this kind of torrid form for the majority of the season.  Chelsea always begin the season sharply, and they continued their hot streak on Saturday with a 2-0 beat down of Newcastle -- it's the middle of the season in which they seem to swoon in recent years.

o It took a little rain to weigh down and stretch out his hair to remind us of exactly who David Luiz looks like: a blue kited Kenny G. Then again, after his 81st minute headwrap job on Saturday afternoon, it's fair to say that Luiz  looked a bit more like John McEnroe, circa 1980.



Saxophone player or Chelsea defender?  You decide.
Photo by Sandra Alphonse on Flickr

o Did Nike copy Manchester United's away kit from last year when they created Arsenal's visiting garb for this season?  We can already hear the discussion: "Let's make the stripes just a tiny bit thinner, and add a red strip around the bottom of the sleeves and no one will notice the similarity."  Weak.

o Arsenal fans, you were correct: you won't miss Robin Van Persie's goal production. He's injury prone and while he may had a great season last year, he'll never repeat that form, and you've already made him irrelevant with the addition of Santi Cazorla, Lukas Podolski and Olivier Giroud to your squad. And in totally unrelated news, after Sunday's goalless draw with Stoke City, Arsenal have now gone 180-plus minutes without finding their way into the back of the opponent's net.

o Rumors are rampant that UNICEF is contemplating sponsoring Liverpool this season after witnessing Martin Skrtel's magnanimous act of charity on Sunday that handed Manchester City a 2-all draw. Showcasing the definition of selflessness, Skrtel gave a scar-ridden child from the Argentine ghetto a ball and two points that his side may desperately need later in the season.

Inter-Office Memos: Round 27 in the BPL

photo by Michael Cory	via PhotoRee

Memo to Kenny: Spot kicks are something that Liverpool should work on in practice. A 60% failure rate is nothing to write home about.

Memo to Luis Suarez: One thing Liverpool don't need to work on is diving  -- you've got that one down pat.  But when are Scousers fans worldwide going to wake up and realize the incredible damage you're doing to their reputation...?

Memo to Bolton:  Thanks for trying something new at The Etihad -- taking a first half shot on goal. As for City, they may as well have been sleepwalking through the match, which -- in fact -- several of their players did. Although they beat you easily in the end, and recorded their 19th straight home victory, Saturday was the third game in a row in which the Citizens were never really tested.  It kind of makes you wonder what might happen if the opposition ever manages to score first....

Memo to David Luiz: Your socks were hiked up so high this weekend that it appeared as if you were wearing a pair of tights against West Bromwich Albion.  With the hairdo, you're now only a plié away from the ballet.

Memo to AVB: It doesn't take a genius to see that the Chelsea players completely quit on you -- even Roman spotted this one.   There's very little to no effort coming from many of the men on your team. When the season began there were defensive lapses; now, an offensive malaise has set in, as well. All of this only goes to prove the famous Roman mathematical formula, named after a certain Russian mathematician: No offense + no defense + few wins = no job. It's that simple.

Memo to Fernando Torres:  I wonder what kind of odds you could have received at the beginning of the season on you lasting longer at Chelsea than AVB?

It's Alive

<
As if to prove that quantity is better than quality, here's Columnist Ed:

I’m guessing it was from a few inappropriate comments to the boss man about his relegation zone performance in the firm's fantasy league, or maybe it was that time I rubbed the top of his head at the firm holiday party in a crude attempt to make a wish (I don’t know, it just seemed like it would work at the time).  But for whatever the reason, I’ve been put on the Chelsea beat this week, so here are my comments on a team that’s seemed somewhat dysfunctional so far.

It was actually nice to see that Chelsea remember that they are a good team this week in their Champions League game against Valencia.  They looked bigger, stronger, faster, and more skilled than the Spanish side.  Except for Mata who merely looked more skilled.  Mata is an interesting player.  He’s so slow as to be a defensive liability.  He’s also small enough to get shoved around a bit.  However, he gets the most out of what he’s got by being a very creative player on offense.  I can see why he can’t get on the field for Spain, and against good teams I think his skill is not enough.  But he’s a nice player that has added a ton to the Chelsea attack this year.

Having Fernando Torres behind him has definitely changed the tempo of Didier Drogba.  There were many times over the past few years where he semed disinterested in the games he appeared in.  In the game against Valencia, I saw a statistic that nearly put me to the ground.  Drogba had run 3.83km in merely 30 minutes.  I think he went months last year without running that much.  Plus, he sprinted with the ball on a nice fast break, and put one in the net after a nice move in close space.  Drogba hasn’t lost any ability in his age; it’s all a matter of desire with him as far as I can see.  It would be a mistake to get rid of him and keep Torres.  It would be expensive to do what they should do and get rid of Torres to keep Drogba.

On the Hot Seat: Week 12 in the EPL

Photo by paulkehrer on Flickr

Kudos to Norwich City. The're a team that's been promoted two seasons in a row -- no mean feat, that -- and this season find themselves in the top flight of English football. They're also a side in which only one member of the starting 11 against Arsenal on Saturday had any EPL experience before joining the League this season.  And while Arsenal created the bulk of the chances and ultimately won the game 2-1, the Gunners' victory was by no means as easy as it looked.  But rather than bore you with my thoughts about the earliest kickoff of the weekend, I'll leave  you instead a couple of quick jokes inspired by Saturday's action:

Q: How many Arsenal defenders does it take to score a goal?

A: Four.  One to trip and fall, and three more to stand around and watch the opposition cut through them like a hot knife through butter.

Q: Why does Gervinho hate Christmas?

A: Because he ends up squandering all the gifts he receives.

Ba dah dum!  Thanks. I'm here all week....

And now for some more thoughts on the week(end) that was in the EPL:


o Saturday's showdown between Manchester City and Newcastle was the proverbial irresistible force meeting the unmovable object. When the dust had settled, the City juggernaut continued to roll on, as two penalties and a goal by Micah Richards left the Citizens standing alone as the last of the EPL's unbeatens.  


o Speaking of Richards, he accounted directly for one of City's goals and created a second through a penalty. Although there are several other viable candidates for this next nomination, I believe the big Englishman is City's most improved player this season: his defensive brain farts seem fewer and further between, and his attacking skills have become even sharper this year, in which he's been given greater license to roam forward by Roberto Mancini.  Right now he's big, fast, and oh so dangerous -- so of course he won't  make Fabio  Capello's starting England lineup....

An EPL Voyage of Rediscovery

photo by milesgehm	via PhotoRee

o It's good to see that Edin Dzeko has rediscovered his old form from last season. After a torrid start to this year's campaign, the hat trick plus one against Spurs seems to have been his last gasp at scoring. My prediction after Saturday's abysmal performance is that he'll start to spend a bit more time on City's "other" roster, probably slotted in right next to Carlos Tevez on the bench.

o Howard Webb has redicovered his run of crappy form that began at the 2010 World Cup.  In perhaps the most blatant incident of ignoring a clear-as-day foul, Webb stood just two or three feet away from Louis Saha as Vincent Kompany blocked the Frenchman's progress and bowled him over just outside the box. How Webb could have failed to see the obvious impediment is beyond me, but it's only the latest in a growing string of poor calls by England's "top cop."

o Chelsea's defensive signing of the year last season, the guy who was going to reinvigorate the Chelsea back line, the Portuguese wonder boy David Luiz, has rediscovered what it feels like to be on the outside looking in.  Luiz now has one of the best seats in the house to watch a lineup that's managed to keep only one clean sheet in its last ten league games.  As always, though, there's a silver lining: at the very least, Luiz' time riding pine should give him more time to consider alternative hair care prodcuts.

o Fernando Torres is back...in the doghouse. Chelsea's ladyboy can't seem to get out of his own way: last week a goal that led to the Miss Of The YearTM, and this week a goal and assist leading to a two-footed challenge and a straight red, courtesy of farlieonfootie's favorite whipping boy Mike Dean. Now that Torres has seemingly rediscovered his goal scoring form, he gets to spend the next three games watching from the stands.  Can you hear the boos, Fernando...?

This is farlieonfootie for September 26.

Weekender

Once again, columnist Ed is wrong on both the facts and his point of view.  But by now you've come to expect all that, wrapped up in the neat little package that is farlieonfootie:

Turns out my attendance at a certain 40^th birthday party this weekend saw me and the girlfriend put on a bit of a show as Laverne & Shirley (what can I say, other than that I’m a team player with a bubbly smile?), and ended up with a little over the top social drinking, some difficulty in remembering the appropriate safe-word (turns out it’s “Mufasa!!!” and not “Oklahoma!!!” for months beginning with “M”), and ultimately, a lot of “My head’s going to explode if someone doesn’t do something about the sun, like put it out” the next morning. 

So I’m sorry to say to you, Mom, and to my other 57.3 loyal readers worldwide, that I missed the return of Charlie Adam (my second-favorite Charlie went big in a 2 - 2 draw that kept the Tangerines alive), as well as a miserable effort by Spurs (which I won’t even discuss parenthetically, although I will use a parenthetical comment to make that point).  But fortunately for you, I did get to see Sunday’s games, and I think a few comments are appropriate.

CHELSEA FINISHING STRONG

First, I have to say that the bossman was so caught up on hating David Luiz that he almost forgot to notice how much better Chelsea is with a healthy Lampard and with . . . . . David Luiz.  Who was it that said that Luiz was more important a pick-up than Fernando?  Oh that’s right, it was me.  Me, me, me.  Oh how I’d like to gloat more, but sadly we all know there is no credit to be taken because it was pretty obvious that Torres was both unneeded and would prove to be unhelpful.  I’m not sure what happened to this guy, but in addition to losing any ability to shoot, he seems to have lost all of his pace.  Seriously, I think farlieonfootie might give him a race right now -- at least if there were some kind of boiled ham trophy for the winner.

Anyhow, despite the fact that it is simply verboten to say it, Lampard looked good all game, as he pushed the ball to each open area and helped Chelsea completely dominate the match.  As for City, I hate to agree with the bossman, but there is absolutely nothing to enjoy about City right now as they play with zero style and even less creativity.  Only Silva is of any interest to watch.

Spewing Venom (Ode to Martin Atkinson)

Martin Atkinson of the FA Referees Association
photo by John Antoni Griffiths	via PhotoRee

By any stretch of the imagination, Martin Atkinson just bottled one of the biggest games of the year. Rather than let the players be the story, Atkinson and his extra large ego had to insert himself into the story yesterday at Stamford Bridge. And this, in the end, is what makes football so excruciating, painful and heartbreaking to watch. A single man, whose athletic dreams were never quite realized, who should be no closer to this game than sitting in a poor, dilapidated house watching it over a fuzzy, rabbit-eared, black and white television, is so vain that he has to place himself prominently into the storyline -- Look at me, Ma!  Look what I've become! -- and, by changing the game's outcome singlehandedly, become the game's talking point all by himself.

It's often said that the best official is the one you don't notice. The one who quietly operates behind the scenes, having a quiet word or two with the players in the heat of battle, stopping minor contretemps from flaring up into major brouhahas. The guy who unobtrusively goes about his business, letting the fans enjoy the players they paid to see. The one who takes command of a game, lays down the rules early and enforces them in a most consistent manner. Consistency -- that's the key. If you're going to call a game tightly or loosely, call it that way on both sides of the ball.

But the ones who are weak, who are cowed by the crowd, who harbor a secret desire to be in the limelight themselves -- unbreathed to anyone, even their wife and closest associates -- are the ones to fear. These are the ones who consistently make mistakes, who get calls wrong more often than right, who can and do change a game just by being in charge. You know who you are: Martin Atkinson, Mike Dean, and Lee Mason. You guys are bottlers, second rate, can't handle the pressure, and all three of you consistently make calls that are easily second guessed by both fans and commentators alike, and not one of the three of you deserve to be anywhere near a pitch for a match more important than a four year old girls' game.

Makin' it Rain in the EPL

photo by goldenrail	via PhotoRee

Random thoughts on transfer activity and more, from the blog's muse, Ed.  He's always interesting, if not too accurate in his assessments:

• What to make of Spurs four-nil loss to the Cottagers in the FA Cup?  Nothing.  It’s the FA cup and Spurs needed out.

• Would have liked to see Dempsey get out of Fulham if for no other reason than a change might be fun for him and for fans.

• Spurs £35MM for Guiseppe Rossi wasn’t accepted.  Wish they could’ve gotten in the mix for Carroll.  They could have unloaded Crouch and Pav for something – maybe enough to make up for the cost.

• Charlie Adam would have been good for Liverpool.  He might have been better for Spurs.  Where, you ask?   How about where Wilson Palacios plays?  Those cross field passes to Bale and Lennon would make Spurs tough to stop.  And to hear it was missed by minutes.  What could have been . . . . .