Marginal at Best

Ed types all of his pieces on a Royal KMM Magic Margin Typewriter
photo by Twylo	via PhotoRee

Ed has a point -- for once:

Watching Manchester United play Manchester City this weekend reinforced the value of intangibles in the game. When City were down by 2, you just knew David Silva, Carlos Tevez, Edin Dzeko and the rest would force some goals to put the game back in reach. In fact, before each goal you could literally see it coming. 

But then there's United. They began the game with two terrific goals by Wayne Rooney. Then they spent the second half like a boxer against the ropes, being dominated and bullied by City. But in the end when Robin Van Persie lined up that free kick you just knew it was trouble for City. Again, you could literally see that goal coming.

So what is it? What is it about United that enables them to squeak by time and time again? Part of it is in the margins. Everyone is pretty good in the EPL, and the top teams have roughly equivalent talent. But United's talent is also just that much better with RVP. But also, United must simply believe it more. I'm not sure what else it could be. The same thing happens so many times with them, it seems that being a tight place makes them focus all the more.

 

I've quoted NFL coach Bill Parcells before in this column, and I'll paraphrase him here again. His philosophy was that every player reacts to pressure, it was just a matter of how they did so. His mission was always to find those players -- even if they weren't always the most talented -- who seemed to get better when the pressure was on.

Is that Sir Alex's philosophy? Is that the type of player he's looking for? Or is it the coach that inspires the players to act that way under pressure?

Let's contrast that with Tottenham Hotspur's tough loss against Everton. For most of the game Everton was the better team for sure, but when Clint Dempsey scored on a deflection (you can't score if you don't shoot!) it seemed they had the game won. But then Everton turned it on and Spurs seemed, as is almost always the case in these situations, to get worse.

The Mayans Were Right: Round 16 in the BPL

photo by kyle simourd	via PhotoRee

o Four goals in five days for El Niño, and neither of the weekend's two resembling a goal struck by a man lacking confidence. Maybe the Mayans were right....

o We don't know which sight was more hilarious: Lukas Podolski warming up on the sideline with a substitute's bib pulled over his calf-length puffer coat or yet another Foreign Flopper™ rolling in agony after being airbrushed by West Brom defender Steven Reid: Congratulations go to Santi Cazorla for winning our Play Actor of the Week Award....

o Allowing two goals after the 89th minute is never a good thing, but it's especially bad when your team is developing a reputation for throwing away points late in matches. AVB's boys did it again on Sunday at Everton, and his team looks much too inconsistent to seriously challenge for the last Champions League spot. 

o Not to mention the fact that the Bearded Wonder™ seems bent on making Hugo Lloris his number one goalkeeper, a decision that proved fateful when the Frenchman appeared at fault on at least one -- and possibly both -- of the late Everton goals.

Mind Dump

photo by Michel Filion	via PhotoRee

o Santi Cazorla flying 10,000 miles round trip to warm up a seat on the Spanish bench.... The USMNT playing in Russia.... What is the purpose of these mid-week friendly internationals, and who exactly are they benefitting? Designed primarily to line the pockets of their respective football federations, the games are useless and should be banned.

o What's up with Joe Hart? The World's Best Goalkeeper™ has had some real clankers lately and surrendered some very soft goals. It can't be inspiring much confidence among his teammates, who have to be hoping that the patchy spell passes soon.

o And does Hart get a free pass from the English press just because he's English? While we won't comment on that directly, let's ask a clarifying question: Imagine the reaction if that had been David De Gea?!

o Christian Benteke may be decent with the ball at his feet, but the guy is clearly not the brightest star in the firmament. After admitting he thought Villa was a London-based club, the Belgian international must have been somewhat surprised when he stepped off the tarmac in Birmingham ("Hey, where'a Big Ben?").

o Compounding his ignorance, Benteke was recently quoted speaking longingly about his love for the Arsenal.... Luckily for him, the Villans are on the road this week -- we can't wait to hear the warm welcome he receives next time he steps onto the pitch at Villa Park.

Separated at Birth: Week 7 in the BPL

o The most memorable moment from City's 3-0 thumping of Sunderland at home on Saturday?: Super Mario's long, slow walk to the tunnel after being withdrawn for Sergio Aguero at the game's 55 minute mark. With everyone else on the team celebrating an easy home victory, you know the question that's got to be foremost on Balotelli's mind: Why always me...?

o Chelsea looked about as comfortable as you can possibly appear against a Premier League aide while playing a hapless Norwich City at Stamford Bridge on Saturday.

o Who needs Daniel Day-Lewis when you have Eden Hazard? It's been bothering us for a few weeks now, but we finally figured it out: slap a stovepipe hat and an old, musty dark suit on him, and Eden Hazard could easily pass for the 16th President of the United States, Abraham Lincoln. 




Separated at Birth

o We meant to offer some pithy comments on Everton vs. Wigan, but we have to be honest with you: an Oktoberfest event came calling instead. You choose: Everyon against Wigan, or several big, cold daytime beers calling your name.... I thought so.

o Bogus Yellow Card of the week: Theo Walcott being cautioned for excessive celebration when he launched himself into the first row of the Arsenal supporters after putting the Gunners up 2-1 against West Ham. To which we say about the FA: You're a #BunchOfTwats.

o Three thoughts while watching Arsenal 3 - West Ham 1: 1) Andy Carroll looks rejuvenated -- Big Sam's system fits him to a T; 2) if Theo Walcott has emerged from his exile and can rediscover the rich vein of scoring form he hit last season, the sky is the limit as to just how good this Arsenal team can become -- they seemingly have a wealth of attacking options; and 3) once again, Santi Cazorla ran the show for the Gunners. Remember when David Villa was the hot Spanish import in the BPL? Yeah, well no longer.... Cazorla looked cutting and dangerous at all times on Saturday -- our only concern is that he also looks a bit like "that" type of player when playing teams that practice the traditional lumbering English style of football -- he may be able to cut apart the West Hams and Stokes of the world, but can he do it against one of the "big" teams...?

The Incredible Shrinking League

Columnist Ed and his smaller friends like to taunt McDonalds
photo by david_shankbone	via PhotoRee

 

Despite what he says, Columnist Ed is not 5 foot nine:

 

Five feet nine inches is an imaginary height for men.  The only men that are five foot nine are those that claim they are five foot ten.  Everyone else who makes the claim is five foot seven on a good day.  With lifts.  And big hair.

Which brings us to Eden Hazard, Tom Cleverley, Shinji Kagawa, Joe Allen, and Santi Carzola.  None of these guys are five nine, although a few claim to be.  Some are about five six.  And a few of them can fit in your girlfriend's large Prada knockoff handbag.  “Com'ere Shinji...jump right in here...that's it, Santi...yep....good boy....”

But oh how they play!!  Short passes, brilliant footwork, elegant finishes.  They're going this way, then that, then back altogether, then the ball is . . . . gone....

Whoops, it's back!!  I hardly knew it was gone and he's got it again, but wait, now it's gone again!!Amazing!!!!!

This is the new face of the BPL.  The days of guys like Vinny Jones and of direct English football have become a novelty item, found only in ancient towns like Stoke City.  I mean, I admire what Stoke does -- very counter revolutionary, very old school, very vintage.  Tony Pulis might even consider dressing up like Elvis during games.  Couldn't hurt, right?  Well, let's put a pin in it, as the young people used to say about three or four text messages ago.

Looking back one might suggest that the new BPL all started with David Silva.  But of course, he wasn't really the start. The real start was Barcelona.

“We want to be like Barcelona,” said Liverpool's Jose Enrique yesterday, rather bluntly.  But Jose means it, especially after watching his manager's former team beat the mighty Citizens into submission last year, possessing the ball over sixty percent of the time with a line up that consisted largely of guys who used to work at the Petrol and Zip off the M-180 near Scunthorpe. 

Like it or not, the BMC's (Big Money Clubs) in the BPL all want to be like Barcelona, because if you're like Barcelona you win and win and win some more.  As Manchester City's Sheikh Mansour bin Zayed Al Nahyan might say: “It's not fun to spend Three Hundred Million Pounds and then watch the guys you just bought for Three Hundred Million Pounds chase the ball around the pitch like a bunch of drunk Florida hillbillies trying to swat flies with rusty cans of paint.” 

Or if you're still not convinced, just look to that cheek-pincher Jose Mourinho.  You know, the guy that just paid Thirty Three Million Pounds for a tiny Croatian that ballerina'd his way through Spain (a/k/a Barcelona Light) in the Euro's.

farlieonfootie's 2nd Annual Barclay's Premier League Season Preview

Correspondent Ed Searches for His Betting Slip
photo by Max Braun	via PhotoRee

It's the middle of August, and although the European Championships and the London Olympic games took some of the edge off, real English football can't begin soon enough in our opinion.  We waited until the last possible minute to file our predictions for the upcoming season, so as not to be 'surprised' by any late moves.  Although the transfer window will remain open another two weeks, we believe the biggest move of the summer has already been made with the announcement that Manchester United finally landed their man in the person of Robin Van Persie. 

First through fourth, we'll pick them all, and we'll also take a stab at relegation and some other intriguing predictions:

2012/2013 Premier League Winners: Manchester United (did you really expect us to pick anyone else)?  Last season's runners up were nicked at the line, although you would never know this by reading the popular press, in which United finished embarassingly far off the world-beating pace set by their nosy neighbors.  The signing of the Premier League Player of the Year, as well as the Bundesliga Player of the Year, and the return of Nemanja Vidic to the starting lineup can only mean that this United squad has been significantly strengthened from the one that lost the title solely on goal difference.  And while City is strong they've largely stood pat this off-season, making no significant moves at all.  Advantage United, and we think that's more than enough to bring Fergie's men back to the top of the heap.

2012/2013 Runner's Up: Manchester City.   Despite making virtually no off-season moves, the Citizens boast the League's hardest working midfield, as well as a certain Argentine want-away who should be around for all of the club's games this season.  Combining Tevez with Aguero, Balotelli, Toure and Silva will produce more than a few fireworks both on and off the pitch, and City's All-Star lineup will be enough to see off all but the sternest of challengers.  We admire their firepower, but don't think it will measure up to a revamped United this time around.

2012/2103 Best of the Rest: Following their European triumph, Chelsea has flexed their financial muscle with the addition of Eden Hazard, Marko Marin, and Oscar.  While the midfield has been significantly strengthened -- and may now, in fact, be on par with City's -- it remains puzzling to us that the Blues have done so little to bolster their strike corps.  While Fernando Torres may indeed come good this year, what happens if he's suspended or injured?  Chelsea may need to emaulate the 'striker-less' Spain squad that won the Euros, but it's a risky strategy on which to pin your championship hopes. 

If Chelsea's third, then surely Arsenal must be fourth, correct?  Why, yes in fact, we do think Arsenal will finish fourth this season.  Sure, The World's Best Feeder ClubTM may see some growing pains -- not to the tune of 8-1, mind you -- but we've always admired Lukas Podolski, and think that Santi Cazorla might just turn out to be the second best signing of the summer.  Wenger hasn't missed a Champions League spot in years, and we don't see him doing it this time, either -- even if he does lose Alex Song to Barcelona.