Freefallin'

In which Columnist Ed channels his inner Tom Petty:

For many years I've been hoping that Manchester United would come back to earth, but I just didn't expect such free fall and to be honest it's not very fun.  One could make the argument that Southampton is better than United this year.  Wait, that's not an argument that's a truth -- at this point in the season Southampton actually IS better than United this year.  Uh oh.

I find the use of Marouane Fellaini to be the most interesting.  Fellaini was not a very effective holder for Everton; he was physical enough but he didn't have the speed or quickness to close people down.  He also lacks the fine passing ability that top holders have.  Compare, for example, Sandro or Paulinho or Dembele or Capoue.  Each of them close down with speed, and with the exception of maybe Sandro -- who is a far better defensive player than Fellaini -- each of them also are better at distribution.

Fellaini did, however, do very well at the number 10 position for Everton.  His size and strength made him tough in the box.  His footwork and leverage were good, and he and Nikica Jelavic made a team that could bully many if not most teams' center backs.  But unfortunately for United, he's inferior by a long stretch to all of their number 10's, which forces him to the holding position, which once again raising the question "Why Fellaini?"  To me there's no way to get around the fact that this was a desperation move by a GM who needed to show that he got something.  Look for them to move him next season.

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Spurs returned to form this weekend and saw Roberto Soldado put in his first goal during the run of play.  Soldado played well, though he still hasn't played to the level of his price.  Ultimately Spurs are still a team that lacks a top tier striker.  This will come to haunt them during the season if Soldado comes around.

Goose Eggs: Week 10 in the BPL

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o Could someone please tell us why Theo Walcott is sitting on the Arsenal bench, especially with the Ox out injured...? Wethinks Arsense Wenger knows more than he is saying about the Englishman's long-term future....

o After re-watching the highlights of United's 2-1 victory over Arsenal on Saturday, we're still scratching our heads at how the Reds failed to match last year's 8-2 victory -- certainly the scoring chances were there for the taking.

o Only time will tell if the Citizens nil-nil draw with West Ham United was two points dropped or a point gained. Both sides passed up multiple chances to win in a scoreline that was unlucky to finish knotted at goose eggs.

o Spare a thought for poor old Chelsea. As if a trip to Wales to play the Swans at the Liberty wasn't hard enough after the week they'd endured, Chelsea's slim 1-nil lead was greeted with...hailstones. Are you kidding us?!

o Andre Villas-Boas has gone for a much simpler look this season: gone is the multi-pocketed Inspector Gadget trench coat, replaced by a cleaner-looking simple rain coat. Although if we were being unkind we might say he looked a bit as if he mistakenly borrowed his much smaller brother's coat this weekend.... And the collar on the Potuguese bossman's shirt may be getting a bit tighter, too, after his curious decision to remove Jermaine Defoe from the field of action with his team down a second half goal at home. Can anyone see Sir Alex or Roberto Mancini making a move like that...?

Separated at Birth: Week 7 in the BPL

o The most memorable moment from City's 3-0 thumping of Sunderland at home on Saturday?: Super Mario's long, slow walk to the tunnel after being withdrawn for Sergio Aguero at the game's 55 minute mark. With everyone else on the team celebrating an easy home victory, you know the question that's got to be foremost on Balotelli's mind: Why always me...?

o Chelsea looked about as comfortable as you can possibly appear against a Premier League aide while playing a hapless Norwich City at Stamford Bridge on Saturday.

o Who needs Daniel Day-Lewis when you have Eden Hazard? It's been bothering us for a few weeks now, but we finally figured it out: slap a stovepipe hat and an old, musty dark suit on him, and Eden Hazard could easily pass for the 16th President of the United States, Abraham Lincoln. 




Separated at Birth

o We meant to offer some pithy comments on Everton vs. Wigan, but we have to be honest with you: an Oktoberfest event came calling instead. You choose: Everyon against Wigan, or several big, cold daytime beers calling your name.... I thought so.

o Bogus Yellow Card of the week: Theo Walcott being cautioned for excessive celebration when he launched himself into the first row of the Arsenal supporters after putting the Gunners up 2-1 against West Ham. To which we say about the FA: You're a #BunchOfTwats.

o Three thoughts while watching Arsenal 3 - West Ham 1: 1) Andy Carroll looks rejuvenated -- Big Sam's system fits him to a T; 2) if Theo Walcott has emerged from his exile and can rediscover the rich vein of scoring form he hit last season, the sky is the limit as to just how good this Arsenal team can become -- they seemingly have a wealth of attacking options; and 3) once again, Santi Cazorla ran the show for the Gunners. Remember when David Villa was the hot Spanish import in the BPL? Yeah, well no longer.... Cazorla looked cutting and dangerous at all times on Saturday -- our only concern is that he also looks a bit like "that" type of player when playing teams that practice the traditional lumbering English style of football -- he may be able to cut apart the West Hams and Stokes of the world, but can he do it against one of the "big" teams...?

Coming Home to Roost: Round 31 in the BPL

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o Lord, but that Theo Walcott is hot right now. Correspondent Ed can malign the Arsenal man all he wants, but Walcott's stats for the season are beginning to pile up, and he seems to be playing the game with a little more patience and confidence than earlier in the season. Could his decision making also be improving...?  There's never been any doubt about the fleet-footed Englishman's skills, but the rap was that he never made the right decision. Well, now he's beginning to, and look out RVP:  your one man team is in danger of becoming a two man show.

o For the record, Ed, Walcott is on 10 goals and 10 assists for the season to date, while The Best Player in the World TM (Gareth Bale) has almost identical stats: 10 goals and 11 assists.  I'd call that pretty equal.

o It looks as if Mark Hughes is sparking QPR to life at just the right time of the season. Their run in looked daunting as can be, but with two straight home wins over Liverpool and Arsenal, who knows what's going to happen?  Here's hoping Rangers revert to form for their Easter Sunday trip to Old Trafford.

o Apparently Referee Lee Mason thought it was perfectly acceptable to stop play to allow Gary Cahill to tie his shoe.  What's next?  Officials stopping play so David Luiz can pull up his tights?

o Who knew American Eric Lichaj was cut from the same long throw mould as Stoke's Rory DeLap and Ryan Shotton?  I wonder of Jurgen Klinsman is going to turn the USMNT into the international version of Stoke City...? With a goal and an assist on Saturday, Lichaj just might be making Klinsi sit up and take notice.

o Meanwhile, an indication of how poorly Aston Villa's season has gone came when their fans lit a flare after the team briefly tied Chelsea on Saturday.  And I thought fans of second rate teams only did that kind of stuff in Italy....

o Quick question for Shay Given: how lowly do you feel after being beaten by Fernando Torres?  There's not too many goalies this season that can claim that accomplishment.

o I won't say much about City vs. Sunderland except the following: All the chicks in Manchester City came home to roost on Saturday.  Players arguing, fingers pointing, fans booing, and a manager with his head in his hands on the bench. Does this look like a title winning team?  Or more likely, a team that's going to need to replace its manager....?

The Walk of Shame: BPL Round 20

Photo by Skampy on Flickr

Chelsea vs Wolves was a nasty, brutish affair, long on sharp elbows and short tempers, the type of game one would expect to be populated with some of the more memorable characters from Bill Buford's defining work on British football hooliganism, Among the Thugs.  Even without Steven Fletcher and Matt Jarvis, though, Wolves gave Chelsea all they could handle on set pieces, as Chelsea' defense continued to look shakier than Correspondent Ed after the week-long Christmastime "Hill-a-day" bender.






o He may not be much of a motivator, but Andre Villas-Boas has already displayed a world class knack this season for taking his best players off the pitch right when they're needed the most. Yesterday it was Juan Mata who was handed the pink slip just minutes before Wolves managed to slip an 84th minute equalizer behind Petr Cech.   Luckily for Chelsea, AVB inexplicably forgot to pull Frank Lampard -- who saved Chelsea from going five games in a row without a win with his 89th minute side-footed winner.  The two make a pair of strange bedfellows, both clearly needing but disdaining the other at the same time.  And while many (including, apparently, AVB) have been quick to write him off, check out Lamps' stats: he's got 6 more goals this season than the £50 million bust Fernando Torres, and is in fact Chelsea's second leading scorer on the season.  Nice job, big guy.

o If Chelsea's dodgy performance vs. Wolves wasn't enough to make it obvious to even a casual observer, the full extent of the Blues' current weakness was shown when the same Aston Villa team that took them apart on Friday was manhandled at their own stadium by Swansea City on Monday. Yes, the very same Swansea City that had managed to go half the season without figuring out how to win a game away from home. This is not to say the Swans are poor -- far from it, the Swans are giving a heroic account of themselves in the League this season -- but rather that Villa is poor, and so too are the current incarnation of Roman's Blues.

Reflections on the Season to Date

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Twelve observations on the season to date -- some obvious, some serious, and some tongue-in-cheek.  You decide which is which:

• Didier Drogba is Not the Player He Was a Year Ago.  Yes, I know he's suffering from malaria, but I'm not commenting on why he's not as good as last year, just pointing out the fact that he's not the automatic goal scoring machine he was last season.  And that fact alone makes Chelsea a little less dangerous than they used to be (and might be again).

• Dimitar Berbatov's Gone Cold.  Eight games in a row without a goal for the Bulgarian hitman, but who's counting?  My guess is Sir Alex.  Expect Wayne Rooney back in the lineup shortly.

On Tax Seminars and Underage Squad Members

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Off the top, a shocking admisision: this will not be the most compelling farlieonfootie column you've ever read. How's that for hard hitting and honest journalism?


There's just not as much to write about tonight after a few days of feverish footie action. United don't play again 'til the weekend, so I'll have to sate myself with some more League Cup action in the form of Arsenal - Newcastle in the meantime. That being said, bad farlieonfootie is still better than 86.5% of all other stuff out there you could be reading, so stay with me. Please.

Before we get to the game, though, I know the one question that's been nagging at you in the deepest recesses of your mind for much of the past fortnight, the one that haunts you, possibly, even in your sleep: Where's my fearless farlieonfootie colleague Ed?  And when will he be writing his next column? (Yes, I know that's actually two questions, but they both revolve around the same central theme, so don't split hairs on me).

Don't worry; I've been wondering that, too. And now I can reveal the answer: Ed did see fit to check in today after an extended absence.  In doing so, however, he only served to convey his utter disregard for conventional mores, as well as a total lack of even the slightest hint of regret for his extended period of silence. 

Still despite it all, you continue on hopefully: During his two week absence, you ask, has Ed been busy building up a treasure trove of columns, with copious amounts of research and witty insight into EPL matches, to enlighten his devoted and long suffering farlieonfootie readership in the future? 

Have several long trips back and forth between Florida and England to view games worn Ed out so much that he found himself thoroughly fatigued and unable to type up even the barest of match reports for his adoring throng of fans? 

Did the overwhelming pressure of the unrelenting farlieonfootie deadline take its toll on poor Ed?

Nothing quite so glamorous or intriguing, it seems. Instead, Ed has been otherwise engaged: "...in NY for a tax seminar and to meet some clients, got sick, ...etc., etc., etc.".  

So there you have it: Ed's explanation in full, etc.'s included.  Not surprising, perhaps, but revealing for sure, the lack of inner fortitude and desire etched painfully in each of his very words.

But fear not: Ed promises to return soon, maybe even as soon as this weekend, to check in with his thoughts on Spurs' travels to Old Trafford for a game of some relative import. Unless another tax seminar gets in the way. So don't hold your breath, I say, but you can always hope.

Now onto the game: both sides displaying their youth squads in full tonight, with the kids on the pitch averaging somewhere between 23/24 years of age. It's difficult as the teams walk onto the pitch to distinguish between the children who join the players for the traditional pre-game handshakes and the players themselves.  Tomas Rosicky, the captain and old man of Arsenal, actually has to be pushed out onto the pitch in a wheelchair and dodders around the field for much of the night with the help of a cane. Well not actually, but you get the point; neither team is brandishing its most experienced players this evening.

Which begs the question: if not even Newcastle is playing its front line players, why do we still bother to stage the League Cup?  Is winning this particular trophy less important than winning one of 38 regular season games (even if the next team up for the Geordies is Sunderland)?  Some may call me a snob, but I can understand why teams like Arsenal and Man United use the Cup to gain experience for some of their younger players due to their significant squad depth, but if even Newcastle and Wolves are using it to play their second and third tier players it may be time to consider putting the tournament to bed. Permanently. Although I do have to say that last year's semi-final matches between United and City were some of the best matches of the entire football year. So maybe I take it back. Sort of.

Back to the game again, it's Arsenal spurning all sorts of opportunities in the early going, and it could easily be game over by the 10 minute mark. But as if trying to prove the point that these are not their most experienced eleven, the score remains frustratingly tied at 0. 

That is, until it doesn't. On the stroke of halftime Newcastle produce a comedy of errors that include the goalie whiffing on a relatively easy catch, a defender clearing the missed ball off the line, and then a humiliating own goal as the clearance rebounds off the back of the aformentioned goalie's head for a 1-nil Arsenal lead. As I've intimated already, not the best soccer I've ever seen....

The second Arsenal goal is almost equally bizarre, as a clearly offside Nicklas Bendtner is allowed to remain such, as an onside Theo Walcott chases down a long pass toward the Geordie goal before depositing it in the back. Although Bendtner is supposedly uninvolved in the play, he does manage to get entangled with a chasing Newcastle defender in his attempt to stay away from the play, interference if I've ever seen it but not, apparently, according to the referee. 2-nil to the Gunners.

In a reversal of the ususal style, the big name players come on late substitutes, with Andy Carroll, Jonas Guttierez and Cesc Fabregas all joining the game in the second half. Only the latter stamps his presence on the game, as Fabregas' assist to Bendtner seals the game for Arsenal, 3-nil. Walcott, feeling hard done by Bendtner's brace, scores one of his own in the 88th minute to wrap up the scoring, his sixth goal in six games this season. 


The game ends 4-nil to the Gunners, who are still overwhelmingly young, but a bit more experienced by evening's end. As I said, not the best.  But a helluva lot better than attending a tax seminar. I'm farlieonfootie for October 28.