Stevie G is Tired: Ruminations on the FA and League Cups

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...from Correspondent Ed:

The League Cup and the FA Cup have taught us some lessons.  First, the difference between the top tier of English football and the middle tiers isn't that much.  Part of this is the higher level of play in the lower leagues than in the past.  Part is also that the premier league teams just aren't that good.  And of course there's that difference between teams that want it more and teams that don't. It's amazing how far hustling will get you.

 

But again, let's not diminish the abilities of some of these lower level teams.  Bradford City at times looked phenomenal against Chelsea-- consider their last goal, patience in a tight spot, a terrific run, and clean finish.  And so did Middlesbrough.  Dare we also say Cambridge?  Well maybe not, but they did seem to reveal the overall weakness of the fourth place team in the league.

 

And what if that pesky Liverpool team? Well, they looked pretty good at times against Chelsea in the league cup, even for a team without a striker.  Had that team included Luis Suarez and Daniel Sturridge, would it have even been close?

 

And what of MLS bound Stevie G.?  Did he look old?  Did he look slow?  Well, in my opinion he looked the smartest man on the pitch, making great passes and runs out of an unfamiliar right forward position.  On defense, he effectively closed down Nemanja Matic on several occasions.  Consider also Steven Gerrard's replacement at the holding position, Lucas Leiva.  Lucas was certainly all over the field but his reckless tackles gave him one yellow and could easily have had him tossed out with a second yellow at least three times thereafter.

 

The Return: Manchester United 2 - Newcastle United 1

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It was a young and inexperienced Manchester United side that welcomed Newcastle to Old Trafford for the Capitol One Cup on Wednesday night, albeit one significantly buttressed by the return of forward and team talisman Wayne Rooney, as well as heavyweight Brazilian midfielder Anderson. For their part, the visitors featured a young side as well, one that included ex-United man Gabriel Obertan among others. On a night featuring several notable returns, however, none was more celebrated than Darren Fletcher's inclusion in the United starting lineup after a ten month absence for health reasons. And so it was in a rather spirited mood that the game's kick off was greeted despite the fair number of empty seats which oversaw the players on the pitch below.

If the game began in spirited style, once the action was underway things quickly became rather more subdued. Anderson had the home side's best opportunity in the contest's opening twenty minutes but somehow contrived to miss his opportunity, as if to remind the Old Trafford crowd that he was still in need of regular games to shake off any rust resulting from his long-term layoff. For their part, the visitors' first half attacking efforts were led by Shola Ameobi, with Alan Pardew's decision to omit both Demba Ba and Papiss Cisse from the starting lineup in advance of the weekend's League contest telling you all you really needed to know about the Magpies' true commitment to the League Cup.

Tom Cleverly should certainly have scored prior to the break after Javier Hernandez single-handedly carved his way through the Newcastle defense with a scything run, but the Englishman's shot fell inches wide of its intended target. If Cleverley's effort was close, Anderson did him one better just a few minutes later, curling his effort In between the Newcastle keeper's outstretched arm and the post to give the home side a deserved 1-nil advantage heading into the break.  Watching from the Directors' Box, Sir Alex would have been pleased not only with his team's lead, but even more so with the tempo control that his midfield trio of Fletcher, Anderson and Cleverley managed to impose on the evening's affair.

The Cup Runneth Empty: Manchester United 1 - Crystal Palace 2

Photo by Frankenstoen on Flickr

There were plenty of spare seats at Old Trafford last night for the visit of Crystal Palace in the League Cup quarterfinals, and it's a good thing: previously winless in their last five outings, Palace shocked the footballing world by winning the match 2-1, leaving the home-supporting witnesses stunned and disappointed, and joining Manchester City as the only other side to have emerged from a trip to the Lion's Den with a win in the last 18 months.

Although it was a younger United squad fielded by Sir Alex, there were also several notable senior squad players on the pitch for the loss, including Dimitar Berbatov for a languid first half, as well as Jonny Evans -- captaining the team in his 100th outing -- Park Ji-Sung, Antonio Valencia, and Chris Smalling. Strangely, the team also included a man United was unable to give away earlier in the year, Darren Gibson.

The snoozefest that was the first half was notable mostly for the absolute dearth of chances created by the home side, as well as Fabio lasting about 30 minutes less than he usually does, being forced off the pitch by a hamstring issue at the 36 minute mark.   United's offense looked lazy and disjointed throughout, like a team of pick up players who only met each other several minutes before the match got underway.

Valencia pushed agonizingly wide to open the second half, which saw the Reds on the front foot for much of the early action.   Somewhat ominously, though, Rafael bookended his brother's injury at the 63 minute mark, and it was at this point that the match changed: substitute Darren Ambrose's 65th minute long-range screamer left Ben Amos with absolutely no chance, and handed a shock 1-nil lead to the visitors. To their credit, United responded to the provocation almost immediately, with Kiko Macheda being hauled down in the box by Palace Captain Paddy McCarthy, before coolly leveling the score at 1 from the spot. With neither side capable of finding a winner in regulation, the fans were gifted another 30 minutes of action, as the game went into extra time.

Forgotten, But Not Gone

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How far has Nedum Onuoha fallen in the EPL pecking order?  Last year, he was starting for Sunderland and slaloming (there's really no other way to describe it) through the Chelsea defense to score a goal he'll never forget in a famous victory at Stamford Bridge.  This year, I didn't even realize he was on the Manchester City roster until I saw him turn up for the Carling Cup matchup against Arsenal at the Emirates on Tuesday.

And let's not forget Kolo Toure's return to the City starting eleven, either. Eighteen months ago, the man who spent seven seasons playing for Arsene Wenger was captaining Manchester City.  Nowadays, Toure apparently spends more time concentrating on his role as team dietician than he does playing defense.

And what to think of the re-appearence after a(nother) lengthy injury rehabilitation period for Owen "Benedict" Hargreaves, who made just his second appearance playing for the Sky Blues on Tuesday?  Having recently returned from his hamstring "issue," I was certain Hargreaves had hurt himself again when Sergio Aguero was sent to warm up inside the 10 minute mark but, alas, the Argentine was only being called on as part of a tactical switch by Roberto Mancini, and -- somewhat miraculously -- Hargreaves was allowed to play nearly 80 minutes rather than being immediately stretchered off the pitch.

Playing so many answers for the "Where Are They Now?" gameshow all at the same time, it's an absolute outrage that Roberto Mancini neglected to insert Wayne Bridge into City's starting lineup.  The former England international and best friend of John Terry must be buried pretty deep in the doghouse not to get a runout in Tuesday's contest.

Not wanting to be left out of the Forgotten Man sweepstakes, Arsenal countered with some long-lost names and faces of their own. Marouane Chamakh -- remember when his "physical presence" was going to give the Arsenal attack a completely new dimension?  Me neither -- and Emmanuel Frimpong (I could say his name a million times and never get tired of it.  I just love how it sounds like a fancy entree: "Waiter, the little missus will have the Shrimp Frimpong, if you please.") both made their way back into the Gunners' lineup after periods of time so lengthy that they each had to be shown where the team's shower facilities were located.

Back on Track: Manchester United 3 - Aldershot Town 0

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Playing in a stadium just one-tenth the size of Old Trafford, Manchester United went back to basics last night in a fifth round Carling Cup contest against Coach Dean Holdsworth's Division Two Aldershot Town.

Herewith, a few thoughts from "the game after," as United eased their way to a relatively straightforward 3-0 victory against industrious opposition, and began the effort to salve the self-inflicted wounds administered during the stoppage time beatdown on Sunday:

o I loved the feel of the broadcast. With its extra tight angles and close-up sideline shots, the camera was practically on the pitch during the contest.  The broadcast had a totally different feel than a weekend Premier League encounter, and the feeling pervaded the entire watching experience.  It had the effect of making the action on dsiplay seem initmately familiar: sure, this might have been Manchester United on display, but this was the game we all know and love at its very core, and the action felt much closer to what the average football fan's experience is with the game than the hyped-up glamour that is big time British football.

o Dimitar Berbatov looked a man among boys last night, which in all fairness, he should have. After all, the Berbinator did lead a certain English League in scoring last season....  The Bulgarian scored the team's first goal last night, and should have bagged a second just a short while later, before he was mowed down in the box by an Aldershot defender. Berba looked geared up and primed for the game, all full of poetry and trickery, and was the undisputed leader of United's attack.  In fact, as if proving a point to his Coach, Berbatov also played defense last night, tracking back repeatedly -- not a trait for which he is especially well known -- and took over the ball in many a deep lying position as he drove the team forward.

o After being thoroughly dominated for the first 25 minutes, Aldershot worked their way back into the game and gave as good as they got for much of the latter stages of the first half. But once again it was Berbatov to the fore: with a deliciously simple side-footed dish to an onrushing Michael Owen, Berbatov set the table for a 2-nil United lead, and quickly and dramatically closed off any remaining "shot" the Aldertownians had at getting back into the game.

Shagging Sheep

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ACT I

SCENE ONE

(A rooftop beer bar in the middle of Manhattan, specializing in Italian craft beer.  The Empire State Building peeks out from behind the bar in the distance.  A midday crowd is gathered around the bar, comprised of tourists enjoying an Indian Summer afternoon, and locals who've snuck away from an honest day's work.  At the corner of the bar sits a stranger, wearing jeans, flip flops, shades and a long-sleeve black jersey with the number "1" and the name "De Gea" emblazoned on the back.  A car horn honks in the distance.)

FARLIEONFOOTIE

How 'bout a drink, Nick?

NICK THE BARTENDER

     (Glances up from drying some glasses)

Whaddya want?

FARLIEONFOOTIE

I'd say a beer, but I just finished hot yoga class before coming here.  You got any coconut water before I move onto the hard stuff?  I'm parched.

NICK

Hot yoga?  Ain't that for girls?

        

FARLIEONFOOTIE

I don't know, man.  If it's good enough for Giggs, it's good enough for me.  It's a great workout.        
                              (Pauses)
Turn up the volume, will ya?  United's on.

(fade out)

SCENE TWO

(A festive Elland Road.  A frenzied crowd of Leeds supporters cheer on the home team, lustily chanting, clapping, stomping their feet, and showering United with prolonged boos and cat calls.)

FAN #1

Think we'll do it again?  Loved knocking those bastards out of the FA Cup a couple seasons back....

FAN #2

Could be, but they're takin' it pretty seriously.  Look at the lineup they've run out tonight.

FAN #1

Yeah. Giggs, Berbatov, Owen, Valencia, Macheda....  Christ, those boys must be desperate to get some playing time.

FAN #2

Ryan Giggs reduced to playing the freakin' League Cup.  Bastard's so old he can barely run, 'cept after birds.

FAN #1

                       Yeah, and they're just a shite Barcelona.
                                              (Guffaws). 
                        I hope we crush 'em.

SCENE THREE

The End of the Beginning

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ACT I

SCENE ONE

(A thatch-roofed bar that’s seen its best days years ago, located well off the beaten path, deep in the heart of the Florida Keys. A stranger wearing a straw cowboy hat, dark sunglasses, board shorts, flip flops and a rumpled t-shirt shirt emblazoned with the words "Victory in Moscow" is sitting by himself at the bar, staring intently at the lone television. A series of large green palms sway back and forth in the distance, and the occasional rustling of their fronds can be heard by the audience.)

FARLIEONFOOTIE

Give me a cold beer.

(Long pause)

Better make it a double.

NICK THE BARTENDER

 (Offers a quizzical look)

Say what?

FARLIEONFOOTIE

That's a joke.  Just get me a craft beer.  Something good.

NICK

Blue Moon?

FARLIEONFOOTIE

You trying to start a fight?  Just get me a Miller Lite. And turn up the volume.  United's on.

(fade out)

SCENE TWO

(A frozen Upton Park, snow falling heavily, with small piles of the grimy white stuff still visible on the endlines. A number of West Ham fans can be seen in the stands watching the game, several of them wearing snoods around their neck in a vain effort to stay warm, with the obligatory shirtless drunk standing in the middle.)

FAN #1

Bloody Hell.  Didja see that?

FAN #2

Unbelievable! That’s his second.  Where’d Spector come from?

FAN #1

By all rights he should’ve three.  If it wasn’t for that bloody wanker Clattenburg, he’d have a goddamn hat trick! 

FAN #2

But he normally sucks.  Can ya believe it?

FAN #1

                                    Couldn’t even make the Yanks’ side for the World Cup….            Friggin’ unbelievable.

SCENE THREE

On Tax Seminars and Underage Squad Members

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Off the top, a shocking admisision: this will not be the most compelling farlieonfootie column you've ever read. How's that for hard hitting and honest journalism?


There's just not as much to write about tonight after a few days of feverish footie action. United don't play again 'til the weekend, so I'll have to sate myself with some more League Cup action in the form of Arsenal - Newcastle in the meantime. That being said, bad farlieonfootie is still better than 86.5% of all other stuff out there you could be reading, so stay with me. Please.

Before we get to the game, though, I know the one question that's been nagging at you in the deepest recesses of your mind for much of the past fortnight, the one that haunts you, possibly, even in your sleep: Where's my fearless farlieonfootie colleague Ed?  And when will he be writing his next column? (Yes, I know that's actually two questions, but they both revolve around the same central theme, so don't split hairs on me).

Don't worry; I've been wondering that, too. And now I can reveal the answer: Ed did see fit to check in today after an extended absence.  In doing so, however, he only served to convey his utter disregard for conventional mores, as well as a total lack of even the slightest hint of regret for his extended period of silence. 

Still despite it all, you continue on hopefully: During his two week absence, you ask, has Ed been busy building up a treasure trove of columns, with copious amounts of research and witty insight into EPL matches, to enlighten his devoted and long suffering farlieonfootie readership in the future? 

Have several long trips back and forth between Florida and England to view games worn Ed out so much that he found himself thoroughly fatigued and unable to type up even the barest of match reports for his adoring throng of fans? 

Did the overwhelming pressure of the unrelenting farlieonfootie deadline take its toll on poor Ed?

Nothing quite so glamorous or intriguing, it seems. Instead, Ed has been otherwise engaged: "...in NY for a tax seminar and to meet some clients, got sick, ...etc., etc., etc.".  

So there you have it: Ed's explanation in full, etc.'s included.  Not surprising, perhaps, but revealing for sure, the lack of inner fortitude and desire etched painfully in each of his very words.

But fear not: Ed promises to return soon, maybe even as soon as this weekend, to check in with his thoughts on Spurs' travels to Old Trafford for a game of some relative import. Unless another tax seminar gets in the way. So don't hold your breath, I say, but you can always hope.

Now onto the game: both sides displaying their youth squads in full tonight, with the kids on the pitch averaging somewhere between 23/24 years of age. It's difficult as the teams walk onto the pitch to distinguish between the children who join the players for the traditional pre-game handshakes and the players themselves.  Tomas Rosicky, the captain and old man of Arsenal, actually has to be pushed out onto the pitch in a wheelchair and dodders around the field for much of the night with the help of a cane. Well not actually, but you get the point; neither team is brandishing its most experienced players this evening.

Which begs the question: if not even Newcastle is playing its front line players, why do we still bother to stage the League Cup?  Is winning this particular trophy less important than winning one of 38 regular season games (even if the next team up for the Geordies is Sunderland)?  Some may call me a snob, but I can understand why teams like Arsenal and Man United use the Cup to gain experience for some of their younger players due to their significant squad depth, but if even Newcastle and Wolves are using it to play their second and third tier players it may be time to consider putting the tournament to bed. Permanently. Although I do have to say that last year's semi-final matches between United and City were some of the best matches of the entire football year. So maybe I take it back. Sort of.

Back to the game again, it's Arsenal spurning all sorts of opportunities in the early going, and it could easily be game over by the 10 minute mark. But as if trying to prove the point that these are not their most experienced eleven, the score remains frustratingly tied at 0. 

That is, until it doesn't. On the stroke of halftime Newcastle produce a comedy of errors that include the goalie whiffing on a relatively easy catch, a defender clearing the missed ball off the line, and then a humiliating own goal as the clearance rebounds off the back of the aformentioned goalie's head for a 1-nil Arsenal lead. As I've intimated already, not the best soccer I've ever seen....

The second Arsenal goal is almost equally bizarre, as a clearly offside Nicklas Bendtner is allowed to remain such, as an onside Theo Walcott chases down a long pass toward the Geordie goal before depositing it in the back. Although Bendtner is supposedly uninvolved in the play, he does manage to get entangled with a chasing Newcastle defender in his attempt to stay away from the play, interference if I've ever seen it but not, apparently, according to the referee. 2-nil to the Gunners.

In a reversal of the ususal style, the big name players come on late substitutes, with Andy Carroll, Jonas Guttierez and Cesc Fabregas all joining the game in the second half. Only the latter stamps his presence on the game, as Fabregas' assist to Bendtner seals the game for Arsenal, 3-nil. Walcott, feeling hard done by Bendtner's brace, scores one of his own in the 88th minute to wrap up the scoring, his sixth goal in six games this season. 


The game ends 4-nil to the Gunners, who are still overwhelmingly young, but a bit more experienced by evening's end. As I said, not the best.  But a helluva lot better than attending a tax seminar. I'm farlieonfootie for October 28.

Column Three: Who Loves Ya, Bebe?!

Random Thoughts from tonight's League Cup Match featuring Manchester United vs Scunthorpe:

* Bebe!  United's most intriguing signing of the summer finally entered a first team game in the 74th minute as a repacement for Park Ji-Sung.  Or Ji-Sung Park.  Depending on who you are talking to.  Or whether or not you're in Korea.  I've never gotten his name straight, and I'm a professional fan.  Do not attempt to pronounce it at home.  One thing I do know is that the tv announcers (presenters, I think the Brits call them) pronounced his name one way for a few years, and then switched it around to the other way a couple of years ago-- I just don't remember which one is currently in style.  I do know that Park sells alot of United t-shirts in Asia, though, and that very few players work harder on the pitch than he does.

Anyway, back to Bebe.  You remember him, don't you?  From the Portuguese Homeless World Cup team?  Still not ringing a bell?  Wut?  You mean you didn't know Portugal fielded a Homeless World Cup team, or even that there was Homeless World Cup?  Well neither did I, until I read about it this summer when Manchester United sensationally signed their homeless superstar out of virtual thin air.  I guess the tv viewership  for the HWC must be fairly low almost by definition, because if the participants are homeless, they probably aren't big owners of televisions, either.   Apparently no one knows about it, and this allowed United to sign our potential superstar for only 7 million pounds, which could -- or could not -- be a bargain.  We'll see.

In any event, back to Bebe -- he made his debut tonight!  I'm kind of sad he had to lop off the dreadlocks, though.  It must be true: United really ARE the Yankees of the EPL -- instead of no facial hair, though, they appear to have a no dreadlock policy.  Guess we won't be recruiting heavily in Jamaica, although I do know famed sprinter Usain Bolt (what a great name for a track star!) is a huge United fan, so maybe he can convince promising footballers in the Islands that it's worth it to shave their head to play for United.

So Bebe entered the game and no sooner did he do so than a naked man ran onto the pitch.  Seriously.  You can't make this stuff up.  Stopped the game for a minute or two, because no one wanted to tackle him.   Don't blame them, really.  But soon enough Bebe had a good touch or two, nothing spectacular.  Then the game was over.  Certainly not reminiscent of Cristiano Ronaldo's debut against Bolton in 2003 (watch this if you want to see how to make a debut: Cristiano Ronaldo's Debut Match Against Bolton).  Can't wait to see what Bebe can do as his United career begins, but I didn't really get a good sense of him tonight.  Guess I'll have to wait for the next League Cup match to see him again.  Let's mark his grade down tonight as an "incomplete" and come back to him again in a future column.

* You know it's a sign you've been watching too much of a sport when you know the referees by sight.  Hello, Mike Dean.  I still hate you for costing Manchester United the EPL title last year.  Yes, when you neglected to see Didier Drogba in an offside position of at least a yard, it cost us not only a game but the overall EPL title, as well.  Not that it was anything big, of course.  It also personally cost me a uniform, because that's what I had to buy my friend Telly when Chelsea won the title and I lost our bet (guess who I was backing?).  I thought cheekily about putting Mike Dean's name on the back of Telly's uniform, to mark it like a Scarlet Letter, but quickly came to my better senses.  I am glad, though, to see that the people who oversee the EPL have thought enough of Mike Dean to "promote" him to refereeing important League Cup matches in front of 9,000 rabid fans versus the boring league-deciding matches he used to ref in front of 75,000.  I'm sure he's pleased, as well.

* What is it with Claret and Blue?  In fact, what is it with claret?  I thought that was a type of wine, not a color.  I mean, I know the Brits like their wine (in fact, maybe all of their liquor), but is there really such little originality across the pond that seemingly 50% or more of the teams wear claret and blue uniforms?  Villa, West Ham, Burnley, and now I find Scunthorpe all appear to wear the same uniform.  Perhaps they get volume discounts.  Seriously, though, it's as if the Cards, Yanks, A's and Toledo Mud Hens all wore the exact same color pattern.  Is it just me, or is this slightly weird?!  And don't even bother to get me started on the fact that the Brits don't actually call them uniforms, they call them "kits."  And horizontal stripes are called "hoops." I know this because it's how my friend Telly described -- in luxurious detail --  the type of uniform he wanted me to buy for him when I lost the bet.  Thanks again, Mike Dean. 

* Michael Owen is back.  Seriously.  Two goals tonight -- a brace.  Yes, the second was basically bundled into the net, but the first was pure Owen, as only he can do.  Still has a good burst of speed, and always puts himself into a good position according to SAF (that's Sir Alex Ferdinand, the coach of United, for you newbies).  First goals in a long time for Owen, but I'll take them.  I'm glad to see him score. He's been kind of the forgotten man among the United strikers this year, so it's nice to see him open his account; we'll need it as we get deeper into the season.  I do know one thing: depth at striker NEVER hurts.

*  SAF was in Spain tonight?  Skipped the game to scout Valencia, who United play in the Champions League next week, and left the Assistant Coach, Mike Phelan, in charge.  Seriously?  That's how little respect we have for Scunthorpe?  Can you imagine the conversation before the game?: "I'm sorry guys, but our coach couldn't make it tonight -- he had to go watch someone we play next week....  Umm, but he said to say hello."  Maybe I'm confused, but that's what I thought "scouts" were for.  In any event, Fergie knows best, as he has proved time and time again, and the scoreline proved him right again tonight.  United 5 - Scunthorpe 2.  And that's farlieonfootie for today, September 23.