You want to know what it's like when really old men play soccer? OK, this is what it's like, courtesy of Correspondent Scott:
Thank you to all who sacrificed life and limb for team “Over the Hill” yesterday at the FAU 5v5 tournament. Despite losing in the Final, we did better and went further than we ever have (and anyone expected) by winning both our bracket games after an out-of-bracket hiccup to start. Clearly pushing the boundaries of what rational men our age should be doing, I believe we acquitted ourselves well, even if it was against teams with names like The Brew Crew. Many will attribute our success to a nearly unanimous habit, which prompted Tucker to inquire “is it required for [them] to curse every time they come off the field?"
Unable to sleep due to aching legs and other body parts, despite bags of ice and a pile of Alleve, I had plenty of time on my hands this morning so, herewith, is a summary of our collective exploits, as well as a descriptive roster listing of the players and other key attendees, for posterity.
Game 1 - vs. Elite SA (1-2)
Treating it much like a meaningless preseason game, we turned our age handicap into an advantage by wisely tricking the elitists into scoring an own-goal in order to save our energy for the following, in-bracket games. Before and after this, we pounded the innocent foliage beyond the western goal.
Game 2 - vs. Brew Crew (3-1)
Ed bagged a brace (one sizzling in off the crossbar) in this one after Dominic deftly controlled, turned and slotted past their 'keeper. At the other end, solid work by Judson allowed us to claim our first victory.
Game 3 - vs. Team Z (3-2)
Ed rifled one in from behind midfield before the Z Pack equalized. "Down" to only the allowed 3 subs after that, we surged ahead via pressure goals by Dominic then John before hanging on for the win.
Final - vs. Forza Unida (1-4)
After a slow start that saw us down 2-0 at halftime, we pulled one back soon after the restart and began to make a game of it. Alas, it seemed our years conspired against us, and our legs failed us, as we let 2 more slip in for a disappointing, yet still respectable, loss. All this drama unfolded as we were forced to sport green/yellow pinnies, sized for U11 Girls, which transformed us into a very slow-moving collective beacon of fluorescent and aging hope, while restricting normal diaphragm function and hindering our already much-labored breathing.
Cast of Characters:
Charlie "Houdini" Medrano ably coached the squad before disappearing in a puff of smoke prior to the final, apparently when there were no more groins to massage.