Monday, August 3, 2015

Voldemourinho Suffers Irony Poisoning: Arsenal 1 - Chelsea 0

photo by jonathan mcintoshvia PhotoRee

Scott kicks off the season with excessive use of ironic metaphors:

"Arsenal defended with 10 players, they put everybody in front of their own line and they had good organization - congratulations to them."  Cough, cough

"They had a couple of chances in counterattacks, but we had ours in organized football." 

Jose Mourinho, nay Voldemourinho, that provocateur of the Dark Arts, went on to slightly dig himself out of the ironic hole that threatened to implausibly smother his preternatural ego.  But scoff as he may at the meaninglessness of the Community Shield, even as he flicked his loser's medal to a surprised fan, have no doubt that the Dark Lord will now redouble his manufacture of belittling comments as he is haunted by his hypocrisy and scalded by hot irony.  Or perhaps he will simply seethe in egomaniacal solitude along the River Thames stirring a cauldron of eyes such as: "I don't want the medal.  I don't keep the ones when I win, imagine the ones when I lose."
Faithful reader(s) of this blog will remember that I am not fond of the Portuguese peacock and, in fact, found it almost beyond doing to cheer for Real Madrid when His Darkness was tearing apart that team's morale when not gouging out the eyes of opposing coaches.  So it is with a profound elation that I witnessed Arsenal attacking with alacrity before defending their lead with a resoluteness and urgency born of their opposition's gaffer's cocky comments and ugly smugness.  To beat the team coached by the Center of Self, whose self-promotion and skin-crawling egocentricity led to a self proclamation of "The Special One," well, it couldn't get any better could it?  But wait!  Like an extra set of Ginsu knives, today's clash between the League Champions and the FA Cup Champions really did offer more via a slim Voldemourinho-like 1-0 victory capped by mass transit parking and counterattacks. And like a huge stack of buttery pancakes, dripping with syrupy irony, the Community Shield has sated, temporarily at least, the angry hunger that the maleficent Mourinho provokes.
OK, yes, I realize I used four separate irony metaphors above.  But, come on, if there were ever a time to do so...
Great going Gunners! 

This is a linguistically challenged farlieonfootie for August 3.

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