17 Quadrillion Flies are Wrong (or, The Yedlin “Handball”)

Scott returns with his scatalogical sense of humor. Literally. But this time he may actually have a point:

 

The first part of the title is, of course, a reference to the popular joke as to why you should eat feces – because clearly the world’s population of flies can’t be wrong about its nutritional and gustatory value.  An ironic aphorism if there ever was one, the joke, nevertheless, perfectly describes the general population’s (homo sapiens, not diptera) understanding and attitude toward the handball rule in soccer.  The second part of the title offers an excellent opportunity to illustrate my point and vent years of frustration with refs, players, coaches, fans and soccer parents — collectively “Nitwits” — who not only misunderstand the rule but also perpetuate and exacerbate myths that gain increasing credibility in some nightmarish version of the telephone game.  Where to start?

 

Perhaps with the official IFAB/FIFA Laws of the Game - Law 12 addresses handling the ball by stating, in relevant part:

 

Handling the ball involves a deliberate act of a player making contact with the

ball with the hand or arm.
 

The following must be considered:

•  the movement of the hand towards the ball (not the ball towards the hand)

•  the distance between the opponent and the ball (unexpected ball)

•  the position of the hand does not necessarily mean that there is an infringement

 

The key word is “DELIBERATE!"  In all the Laws of the Game, it is the only infraction that must be deliberate.   By way of interpretation, for the aforementioned Nitwits, that means that just because the ball hits a hand or arm, it is not necessarily a handball foul.  The contact must be intentional in order to be a foul.  To emphasize, it doesn’t matter how advantageous it was for me that it hit my arm or hand, if I didn’t do it deliberately then it is not a foul.  “But it prevented a shot on goal!”  Doesn’t matter if it wasn’t deliberate.  “But it prevented a cross into the box!”  Doesn’t matter if it wasn’t deliberate.

 

So, how do we know if the handling was deliberate?  Unfortunately, only the player him/herself knows for certain, but the Laws offer some helpful tips for consideration.  The first two considerations are obvious and logical.  The direction my hand is moving and the distance it is from the ball when it is struck are good clues as to my intent.  Where I start to froth at the mouth a bit is that last little nugget of help which has been bastardized repeatedly and beyond recognition.  Here we go…

 

Appreciating the Women's World Cup

Scott certainly does:

It may not be on a par with Caitlyn Jenner, but I'm going through a womanly transition of my own. Up until last Monday, I had only ever watched 2 or 3 women's soccer games in their entirety, compared to the hundreds of men's games I've watched, discussed and written about. But we are all evolving and transforming (some more than others), so with the confluence of the Women's World Cup and my daughter being almost 9 and very excited about soccer (she has played since she was 4 and just finished her first competitive season of Club soccer with Fort Lauderdale Select), I have now watched 2 women’s games in the last week and parts of several others.  And, I must say, I thoroughly enjoyed getting in touch with my feminine side of soccer.

 

Right away, I was surprised at how fast the speed of play was.  It’s not as fast as a men’s game, nor would I expect it to be, but it was, indeed, faster than I remember.  I was also a little surprised with the high level of skill, perhaps showing a bit of chauvinism there since there’s no reason a woman can’t be as skilled as a man if she were to practice the same amount.  But before I’m pilloried for sexism, or worse, let me go on to say that I found myself so drawn into the games that I forgot it was “women’s” soccer and enjoyed it as just “soccer.”  Quite frankly, in my mind, that’s the highest compliment I can give.

 

There were also some observations I was very pleased to make.  For example, I didn’t see nearly as much diving as the men do.  Nor did I see injury faking.  When they were fouled they just got on with it.  Of course, I do know that women are, indeed, capable of such chicanery – remember the Brazilian Erika in 2011?  So, perhaps my sample size is still too small to draw any conclusions about diving or faking, but I was pleased with what I witnessed.  Although, it must be said, Americans generally don’t engage in the dark arts nearly as much as other countries (I say proudly) so it stands to reason that the games I’ve watched, each involving Team USA, would contain fewer examples of such antics.

 

Also with respect to on-pitch behavior, it was almost surreal to me how placid the women players were after being fouled.  There was none of the “how dare you?” or “I’m going to kick your ass for that.”  Rather, as I said, they pretty much just got up and got on with it.  As a former player who played a bit physically and wasn’t afraid to let someone know if I was unhappy with their reciprocal efforts, I’m not exactly sure how to feel about that.  But, as a current, aged player who only fouls completely by accident and, even then, is overcome by remorse and spouts apologies, I do see the benefits.

 

The biggest difference I noticed with respect to the actual flow of the games was how much space there seemed to be for players out wide and how much time the player with the ball seemed to have before being closed down.  Logically, perhaps both are due to the speed of the players themselves as they aren’t able to close down an attacker as quickly or cover as much ground as quickly.  What that does, though, is make it all seem (to me) a little more thoughtful rather than nearly instinctive.  I usually see in advance how the play is going to develop and rarely find myself surprised by a choice made by the player with the ball.  It’s certainly not worse, it’s just different.  It’s kind of like watching a good movie you’ve already seen before.  And what I am coming to appreciate is that it’s just a different flavor of soccer.  A little more vanilla but very tasty.

 

I can see myself growing into women’s international soccer as my daughter grows up.  I stress international because I’m not sure I’ll every watch women’s club soccer.  And before the stocks are measured for me please note that I don’t even watch MLS because there are only so many hours I can devote to my fandom and Liverpool plays a lot of games.  But as much as I enjoyed the last couple of games, there was something else missing: the history and the familiarity.  There have only been 6 women’s World Cups, dating back to 1991.  By way of comparison, there have been 20 men’s World Cups (and would have been two more were it not for World War II), dating back to 1930.  I grew up hearing about the magic of Pele and witnessing the marvels of Maradona.  In contrast, I was graduating college during the first Women’s World Cup.  I know every player on the men’s national team but only knew a handful of players on the women’s team.  I could name several players on the majority of teams in the men’s World Cup but could only name Marta when it comes to the women’s.  I turned on the England vs. Slovenia Euro qualifier today and knew every single English player and even a couple of Slovenians, but wouldn’t be able to name a single player on their women’s teams.

 

Maybe I’m a bad USA fan or, worse, maybe I really am chauvinistic when it comes to soccer.  But, no, I don’t think so.  I think I, like so many other soccer fans in every country around the world, am only now beginning to acquire a taste for the flavor of women’s soccer.  I will, no doubt, learn more of their names and follow more of their careers and, inevitably, be more interested and vested in their future exploits.  I will more consistently see it as “just soccer.”  And for that, as much as anything else, I can thank my precious daughter.

This is farlieonfootie for June 16. 

 

 

Scraping Bottom

photo by CottonCandy	via PhotoRee

o OK, we've joked about it before on these pages, but clearly it's no laughing matter.  Three drivers on the same team banned from getting behind the wheel of a car?   Something tells us it's either time for a full-time Drivers Ed instructor at the Etihad, or else these people need to hire RedCap.  ASAP.

o Criticize Sir Alex if you'd like, but on this issue he's spot on.  The international friendlies disrupt the rhythm of the season, injure star players, and most importantly, play havoc with our fantasy football team selections.  Stop them now, FIFA!

o Are there ever any new hires made in football, or is it just one big game of Musical Chairs...?  We've got nothing against Brian McDermott, but seriously.  He was just fired, and as soon as a club needs a manager he gets the call?  Was there no one else capable of coaching Leeds other than Reading's castaway?

o And on the other side of the FA Cup Semi-final:  Zzzzzz.....

o We can't afford to pay: Times are indeed tough at Reading, despite the fact they're owned by a Billionaire.  Hey!  You think he got rich by paying people well?

o Who says Arsenal hasn't won any trophys?  Oh, those were in women's soccer?  Never mind....

 

This is farlieonfootie for April 13.

Spring Break

photo by Sandpiper Beacon Beach Resort	via PhotoRee

I've spent some time during the past several days contemplating the dreaded International Break (okay, not a lot of time, granted, but enough to figure out a solution to an issue that's been vexing me in a matter of minutes).  Although it's obviously come at an opportune time for Manchester United -- allowing the players to heal from the various knocks and niggles which have piled up over the course of the season -- I'm not sure I understand FIFA's scheduling logic that led to the break in the first place.

Surely, there has to be a more sensible way to work out the world football calendar than the manner in which it's currently calculated.  Just as I begin to get really excited about the EPL run-in, and the eight (or nine) games left on my team's schedule, here comes FIFA and UEFA to tell me to hold it, just calm down and wait a week or two, because we've got important friendlies and Euro qualifiers to play .  I know I'm dying to see England square off against Wales, and the USA take on Paraguay, but that could be just me.  The dates of those matches have been etched into my mind since...well, since never, actually.  In truth, I'm not sure I'll even watch either game (unless I need a column idea).

So let me make a proposal here.  Feel free to accept it FIFA, and I won't demand monetary compensation for the idea -- just free tickets for the next World Cup and the naming of the new break as the "FIFA International Break, presented by farlieonfootie."  Let's bunch all of the international matches together, and play them over the course of a month, or even six weeks.  They could be held over a "winter break," during January, for example, or even at the end of the league season (which would now end in April, of course, rather than mid-May).  There.  Was that so hard?  Here's my logic, as well as a quick look at some of the benfits which occur to all parties: