Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Grading on a Curve

photo by Tony Cridervia PhotoRee

With the end of the school year now in hand, Scott shows us his annual report card:

OK, let’s get this out of the way.  I made some predictions at the start of this season, so I suppose it's good form to review their accuracy and accept the kudos or derision that results.  For those of you who don’t breathlessly await my every next written word and, as such, may not have consigned to memory those predictions, here they are:
1)      Norwich City will stay up: I would say I nailed this one with room to spare.  The Canaries finished 12th and never looked in danger of relegation.  I hope they can do it again but they will need to fill the very large shoes of the departing Paul Lambert.  It would also help if they can keep Grant Holt;
2)      Tottenham won’t make the Champions League: While I technically got this right, I certainly get points deducted, for this only came to pass because Chelsea won the Champions League; 
3)      Manchester City won’t make the Champions League: Wow!  It would be hard to flub this one more than I did.  I have to give Roberto Mancini & Co. credit as I really thought the horde of overpaid, talented misfits would underperform again.  But I suppose there comes a time when a growing embarrassment of talent can’t be undone even by the likes of Mario Balotelli;
4)      Liverpool will win another title before Manchester United does: Well, the dream is still alive on this one although it had to be resuscitated at literally the last minute by Sergio Aguero’s goal.  Points deducted for being only a minute away from being wrong.  And further points withheld as this one actually requires future action by Liverpool.  However, I’m putting my faith in Saint Brendan (Rodgers).

Beyond those bold predictions, I listed the top 6 finishers which I have put below along with their actual finish.

1.       Liverpool (8th)
2.       Manchester United (2nd)
3.       Chelsea (6th)
4.       Arsenal (3rd)
5.       Manchester City (1st)
6.       Tottenham (4th)

Of those six, I got Manchester United right and Arsenal about right.  Liverpool, of course, was way off, as was Manchester City.  A clerical error seems to have transposed Chelsea and Tottenham.

Fortunately,  the grading guidelines for these predictions are much like 93.4% of all statistics – made up on the spot.  So, in self-serving fashion, a wicked grading curve has been employed to give me a “C”.

On a completely unrelated but thoroughly satisfying note, when is the last time you smiled upon hearing another human being had been punched in the face?  I can say with certainty it was when I read that two well-intentioned, misunderstood youths in Liverpool had socked it to petulant footballer Joey Barton.  While it was a pleasant surprise to read of Barton’s battering, I wouldn’t be surprised at all to learn that the two dispensers of justice were brothers with the surname “Karma”.  Nor was I surprised to hear that even though police reports indicated Barton had been punched in the face and sustained injuries, he subsequently tweeted that he had been sucker punched in the back of the head and only had a bruise, seemingly to protect his image.  Further, the magnanimous miscreant said he was “not planning on pressing charges as its [sic] not that serious. The police have also got better things to do with their time.”  Such magnanimity was not reciprocated by the police, however, as Barton was arrested hours later on suspicion of affray.  Hee hee.  He gets punched, then arrested AND I learn a new word.  Somebody pinch me.
This is farlieonfootie for June 6. 

1 comment:

  1. Corresp. Scott:

    They'll be no suspicion when I get done affraying you!!


    -- Joey B.