Designed by Santa Claus: Week 22 in the BPL

Correspondent Ed models Swansea City's 2013 Away Kit
photo by albany_tim	via PhotoRee

o Fulham looked tired, flat-footed and completely uninspired at Craven Cottage on Saturday. If Martin Jol's men can't beat a bottom of the table Wigan side while playing at home, they're a mid-table team at best this season.

o And speaking of bottom of the table, congrats to Uncle 'arry for eking out another point at home versus his old club in Saturday's early kickoff. A fancy over-the-shoulder ball flip from Shaun Wright-Phillips proved the most notable play of the game, with both the veteran midfielder and his teammates beginning to find some form. The question remains, though: will it be enough, or have Rangers saved it for too late?

o They may have been shut out on Saturday, but one of the hottest teams in the League also kept the home side off the score sheet, as Swansea City and Everton battled to a scoreless draw. The Swans have hit form again these past few weeks -- ask Chelsea and Arsenal for their thoughts on the matter -- and holding the home side to nothing at Goodison Park is a much better result than most teams have managed this season.

o We only have one question about the game, though: Who designed the Swans' away kits? Santa Claus?

o Referee Mike Dean grew his fan club this weekend, adding legions of haters from North London and new ones from Manchester to those he causes to see red. Used to being at the forefront of controversy, Dean's performance made us realize it's not just Manchester United he screws: it's United, City and Arsenal.

A View from Liverpool on Sir Alex's Week That Was

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As a Liverpool supporter, Scott feels entitled to comment on the Sir Alex situation -- proving only that Liverpool supporters will pick on someone even if it's their birthday....:

I'm not even going to write about Liverpool's slump to Stoke City on Boxing Day. In fact, I didn't even watch it. Having duly recorded it for later viewing, I promptly bumped into the score and, after choking back a bit of vomit in my mouth, resolved to delete the offensive footage unseen. The Premier League Review show provided all the lowlights I needed to want to put that debacle in the rear view mirror and drive on to Loftus Road.

In such a state, it should not be surprising that my attentions turned to the hullabaloo surrounding Darth Ferguson and his on-pitch berating of referee Mike Dean and the subsequent war of words with Alan Pardew.

As with most things in life, nobody is blameless nor totally at fault. Coaches should have a right to question calls and hear why a ref did or did not make one. So the fact that Ferguson approached Dean does not trouble me. Nor does the fact that the former was, to put it politely, animated when expressing his views. Dean had a right to sanction Ferguson on the spot if he felt the exchange was inappropriate. He chose not to do that - I understand I was not privy to the actual conversation and respect his interpretation and decision. And if that decision, and the one not to report the incident in his Match Report, was influenced by Ferguson's seniority, then I begrudgingly congratulate the old knight for lasting so long in the toughest league around.

But then Darth Ferguson showed his dark side of the force after Pardew had the audacity to suggest, politely, that the Man United man had received preferential treatment since his antics brought no consequence. The Newcastle manager's comments were no doubt influenced by the two-match ban he received for a similar incident, although in his case a slight push was involved.

Pulse Pounding: Six Thoughts on Manchester United 4 - Newcastle United 3

Photo by LibraSon on Flickr

o Gloomy: The day's weather matched yet another dismal opening by the home side. Cloudy, gray skies and a torrential downpour made for a slick pitch, but neither of these meteorological excesses were responsible for the day's first giveaway -- Michael Carrick's overly generous bit of charity, gifting the ball to Demba Ba in a very dangerous position. Carrick's error led to a further mistake by the defense, as United's Spanish 'keeper, David De Gea, parried the resulting shot directly into the path of an onrushing James Perch.  And so it was that we found ourselves in a familiar position: less than ten minutes in and United trailing at home.

o Missing: Missed passes in the final third continued to bedevil the home side. No one was guiltier of this than United veteran midfielder Ryan Giggs, but numerous Reds fell victim to attempting to thread the needle one too many times, hitting passes that lacked the required inch-perfect accuracy. The result was a paucity of opportunities for the home side, even as they attacked the famed Stretford End -- until the home side equalized near the half hour mark after a goal mouth scramble that came off Robin Van Persie's deflected free kick, with defender Jonny Evans conjuring something from little more than nothing.

o Cheat: Once again, Referee Mike Dean played a key role in the day's outcome. Ignoring the blatantly obvious fact that Papiss Cisse was two yards offside, as well as the fact that the Senegalese striker's very presence interfered with Evans' ability to play the ball, Dean placed himself at the center of yet another offside controversy at Old Trafford by allowing the Magpies second goal of the afternoon to stand as an Own Goal by Evans (his second strike of the afternoon). It was clearly familiar ground for the apparent Liverpool supporter in charge of the game, as Dean overruled his assistant to make the call -- something he notably neglected to do when Chelsea won the League at Old Trafford three seasons ago.

Johnson's a Cheat and Dean's a Stooge: Round 24 in the BPL

Mike Dean in Better Days
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Lots of fans disguised as empty seats at the Emitates on Saturday to watch Arsenal vs Blackburn. Is it getting too expensive for the regular guy to see the games, or the sign of a burgeoning protest against Arsene Wenger and Ivan Gazidis? -- to paraphrase a certain Sir Will, That is the question....

o They absent fans missed quite a game. I'm not certain if Correspondent Ed watched, but Theo Walcott took the Arsenal offense out for a drive on Saturday, teeing up Robin Van Persie for a couple of tap ins. The Flying Dutchman will rarely have an easier hat trick than he grabbed on Saturday, and he made our decision about which man to name Player of the Week rather easy, too.

o Not for nothing, but Arsenal 'keeper Wojciech Sczcesny looks slightly like Archie, of American comic book fame.

Archie, or Wojciech Sczcesney?  You decide.
photo by Jason Grote	via PhotoRee

o Who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks?  Arsene Wenger doesn't learn. Last weekend, Arsene Wenger took off Alex Oxlade-Chamberlin to a round chorus of boos from the crowd. So this time when he was ready to replace his superstar newsboy after 70 minutes, Andrei Arshavin was nowhere on sight. Welcome, Thierry Henry.

o Pitch invasion seems to be the new trend in the BPL.  Last week some guy handcuffed himself to the goalpost at Goodison Park; this week, a cat on the pitch interrupted play at Anfield.  While the ESPN cameras lingered lovingly on said kitty, I kept wondering if the publicity might encourage other felines to try the same trick....

o Stoke played Sunderland in a winter Wonderland, like a game played entirely within a snowglobe.  It was pretty to watch on television, but I'm not so sure I would have wanted to be a fan sitting and watching in the stands. It was difficult to see the ball, and the players were slipping and sliding all over, but the weather made for some compelling viewing -- from Florida, where it was 80 degrees farenheit.

Karma's a Bitch: Week 14 in the EPL

The super-inept Mike Dean assured himself a place in the headlines once again, incorrectly -- unbelievably, incredibly, inexplicably -- handing out a yellow card when the accident-waiting-to-happen named David Luiz mauled Demba Ba as the last man on a clear goal scoring opportunity on Saturday at [insert new name here] Park. Not finished yet, only a couple minutes later Dean awarded Chelsea a kick from the spot when Danny Sturridge dove theatrically over the outstretched leg of a Newcastle defender. Tim Krul saved Dean momentarily from a post-game lynch mob when he denied Fat Frank's low and slow effort to keep he match knotted at zero. In truth, Lampard looked as if he rushed his shot, most likely in an effort to gain a slight lead in the sprint to the post-game buffet table.

So here's the question: How often does Dean need to be the storyline before the FA take action?  I can't remember a referee who more consistently makes improper game-changing decisions.

o The formerly "solid" Newcastle defense is beginning to shows signs of cracking. Toon gave up a ton of chances to United last week, and looked a complete shapeless shambles against Chelsea this weekend. If it wasn't for some good work in between the sticks by the aformentioned Krul, Sturridge would have had a hat trick before half time.

o The Magpies apparently used up their season allotment of god luck last week at Old Trafford. Giving up a disputed penalty, hitting the bar three or four times, plus being cleared off the line seems like a fair result to me -- Ain't karma a bitch, Newcastle fans?

o Roberto Martinez declared that his team had "turned the corner" after gaining four points in their last two League games against Blackburn and Sunderland. To which I ask: Turned the corner into a dead end?  Wigan's time in the Premier League is running out, my friend.


o So it turns out Manchester may, in fact, be Blue. I learned that from seeing the color of all the unoccupied seats at The Emptyhad Stadium for Norwich City's visit to the League leaders on Saturday.

Mission Accomplished

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Random thoughts from the closing chapter to a record-breaking 19th Championship:

• Pretty emotional stuff today, saying goodbye to Edwin Van Der Sar.  It was very nice that not only the Old Trafford faithful, but also Ian Holloway and the Blackpool fans, acknowledged VDS' career. Pure class all the way 'round.

• A day of finality at the Theater of Dreams: Van Der Sar, Wes Brown, Owen Heargraves, and potentially Paul Scholes and Michael Owen going, going and gone. Also, Charlie Adam likely saying goodbye to his mates at Blackpool.

• Almost overlooked amidst all the hoopla surrounding the nineteenth title: Mike Dean was in charge of the game today. Thank God he couldn't really hurt us at this point in the season. 

• Dean did his best to try, though, overlooking a clear penalty on Charlie Adam against Ji-Sung Park in the first half, and later awarding a bogus free kick that led to Blackpool's equalizer, even as his linesman was signalling offside. Never mind, signalled back the eunuch, preferring not to let plain-as-day facts stand in the way of his obvious bias against the League winners.  Compounding the head referee's mistakes in the second half, Dean's linesman missed another obvious offside that led to Blackpool's second goal.  Is it an FA rule that Dean and crew must award the opposition an offside goal when overseeing a game at Old Trafford?

Rants from a Stark Raving Football Lunatic

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• Something I proved to myself this weekend: it's possible in one day to fully visit two Orlando theme parks, account for all major rides, and still manage to fit in two complete football games (via DVR, at night's end). It's possible, but not advisable.

• Quick Question: How is it that Sir Alex gets charged by the FA for praising Howard Webb pre-game last week, yet Harry Redknapp does the same thing and no one says a peep. Double standard anyone?

• Liverpool remind me of a classy team up front paired with a defense which should be playing U-18 football. Flanagan and Spearing may have a future in the league, but it's not tomorrow. Meanwhile, Luis Suarez looks like the real deal (albeit a deal with an extra large set of teeth), while Andy Carroll looks just like what he is: a real work in progress.

• So, umm, now that Fernando Torres broke his duck a couple of weeks ago, and there's no pressure on the Spaniard, he's going to have a great game against Newcastle, right? Lots of goals pouring in, right? Not exactly. Torres with another "o-fer" against the Geordies, and Chelsea -- despite six home wins in a row -- betraying the problems which bedevil the side, hidden underneath an avalanche of points picked up against the 80 pound weaklings of the league.

• The more I see of Sandro play for Spurs the more I like him. I wonder if Harry likes him enough to let Luka Modric go this summer. Only time will tell....

Bitter

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There's a funny thing about this game called football.  Just when you think you've got it all figured out, just when you think you know what's going to happen, just when you get pretty sure of yourself, it's got a way of humbling you.   And in a way, that's what happened to United today.

The first half of United's FA Cup semi-final with Manchester City was relatively even. I shaded the first 20 minutes of the game on my scorecard to United, as they created several great chances, and should really have gone into the half up a goal. Particularly painful were minutes 14 through 16, in which Dimitar Berbatov missed not one but two great chances in quick succession.  Passed through into goal all by himself, the Bulgarian failed to beat City 'keeper Joe Hart with the first chance. With Hart beaten on the second opportunity, Berba was unlucky not to score on a tap in resulting from Nani's inch-perfect cross. Thwse two misses would come back to haunt the Reds as the day wore on.

Send in The Clowns

The World's Most Biased and Incompetent Referee, Michael Leslie Dean

On the off chance they could slip the news by you during an otherwise quiet week, the Football Association announced yesterday a couple of important refereeing assignments for the next few weeks: Lee Mason will oversee Manchester United's trip to West Ham this weekend, while Mike Dean has been handed the whistle for the Red's FA Cup Semi-Final clash with Manchester City.  With these appointments, the FA has made their agenda strikingly clear: not content to ban Sir Alex for five games on the touchline, the biased and despicable characters who run the FA have assigned referees to oversee Manchester United who will do their level best best to keep United from winning any trophies this season.

For those of you who don't believe in conspiracy theories, consider this: the only refereeing appointment the FA could have made which would have caused greater controversy would be assigning Martin Atkinson to oversee the Red Devils' journey to the Emirates in early May-- and that may still be in the cards, as I wouldn't put anything past the incompetents, malcontents, liars and cheats who run English football.

I've made the case against Mike Dean many times here at farlieonfootie, beginning with my very earliest columns, continuing throughout the Fall and Winter, and criticising his performances virtually unabated right through the present day.   It's not just that he's poor, or consistently makes errors on the pitch, but the fact that he's biased is so obvious to the casual observer as to make it absolutely scandalous that he was selected to oversee another important game involving the Reds.

Whoops

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I can't remember a recent Cup final I was less excited about than Arsenal vs. Birmingham in the League Cup yesterday afternoon, but I found myself enjoying the match despite my initial feelings, especially the final few minutes when Arsenal totally lost their bottle and threw away the game. Regular visitors to this spot will know I find it hard -- almost impossibly so -- to root for Birmingham City (heck, I find it hard to watch Birmingham City), and I certainly wasn't getting too over-heated about Arsenal's attempt to end their silverware drought. It's in that admittedly humdrum spirit that I offer the following thoughts on Arsenal's shocking collapse, and Birmingham's unexpected victory in the Carling Cup:

• First things first: I hope the Arsenal players didn't spend too long debating whether or not Cesc should lift their non-existent trophy.  Although it's hard not to feel a little bit sorry for him in the game's immediate aftermath, Arsenal's goalkeeper Wojciech Szczesny displayed either incredible arrogance or naivete (or maybe both) when he tweeted pre-game that he was "gutted" that he had learned that Cesc wouldn't be lifting the Cup if Arsenal won.  Consider this a lesson, Wojciech: Nothing in this life is guaranteed.

• It was a shocking collapse by the Arsenal defense which cost them the Cup. Arsenal are very immature right up the middle of the pitch, and while people -- and the London-based media -- can keep talking about talent and potential, you're going to struggle in tight moments when your most composed player is only 23 years old (and especially when he's not even on the pitch).  One just can't see a veteran 'keeper or center half making the mistake that opened up the goal for Obafemi Martens.  I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Arsenal will not win a trophy without a top notch goalie, or strong central defenders. Just won't happen.

• And just when every Arsenal fan was crowning the 20 year-old Szczesney as the next coming of Edwin Van der Sar....  Fabien Barthez? Maybe. Van der Sar? Not quite.

True Grit

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Now that's what I call a game.  Manchester United, showing True Grit and determination, survived a very tough cross examination by Tottenham Hotspur at the Lane this afternoon.   After spending all fall and winter bemoaning the points dropped on the road this season, this was well and truly a point gained for the Red Devils against a very talented Spurs side.

Playing nine against eleven for one death defying moment, United spent the last twenty minutes of the game a man short, thanks to yet another dodgy Mike Dean decision [Ed. Note: how long is one man allowed to keep officiating in the league, when it's obvious his decisions are biased against a team, to say nothing of his general incompetence?  See here and here for examples of me calling Dean out previously for his bias, as well as here for me noting his incredible incompetence.  It's time for this guy to go.]  Despite finishing the game without their right back, United hung tough on the road, and incredibly, had an opportunity to nick the full three points just before the whistle blew.  Sir Alex has to be well pleased with his side's fantastic effort.

Chelsea's Still Singing the Blues

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Despite their tie with Spurs yesterday, something's still amiss with Chelsea.  Sure, they looked better in the second half, but 45 minutes does not a game make.  In the first half -- sans their malaria-stricken Ivorian super hero -- the Blues looked completely toothless, all bark and no bite.  Anelka was lazy and diffident on offense, and Chelsea rarely looked threatening with him leading the line.  Malouda and Kalou played slightly better, but the Frenchman's scoring touch has deserted him in recent days, as has that of Drogba's smaller Ivorian compatriot.  John Terry was several last ditch toe pokes away from having a diabolically bad game in central defense, and although Paolo Ferreira dealt with Bale, the Welsh wideman was actually one of Spurs' weakest players on the day for my money.

Chelsea were simply outclassed in the middle of the pitch, with Luka Modric, Aaron Lennon and Wilson Palacios bossing the game for good portions.  Essien was the best of Chelsea's middle men, although that's not saying much when the other two are Jon Obi Mikel and Ramires.  For the life of me, I fail to see any reason at all to have Mikel in the lineup -- McEachren would be an improvement at this point -- and Ramires appears to be adjusting to the EPL about as well as his Brazilian countryman Robinho did.

 

Keystone Kops or Comeback Kids? United Leave it Late

Keystone Kops or Comeback Kids?  You Decide.
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George "Sportif" Le Coq, Sissy Buttlefelt, and I, in attendance at Villa Park, to take in Saturday's near-noon kickoff against Villa.  We're joined by farlieonfootie's Director of Marketing, Oliver Miller.  It's a relief to be free of the events of the past week, enjoying football with colleagues as well as friends, and our correspondent Ed's problems are but a bitter memory in the farlieonfootie rear view mirror.  The four of us enjoy a game day beer, profiled later in this column, to cloud our memories of a week we'd like to forget. Herewith the game:

It's an experienced United side that travel down to Birmingham today to face a youthful Villa squad. The Red Devils have to be looking forward to this fixture, as they haven't lost at Villa Park since 1995. United emerge from the locker room in their white strip today, so let's hope the new color brings us luck.

United dominate the early possession, showcasing more aggression from the start than they offered in the entire 90 minutes mid-week versus City.  Villa fight their way back into the match after 15 minutes, though, with new boy Barry Bannan showcasing tremendous vision to unlock Ashley Young and fashioning the first opportunity of the day. Although Wes Brown is caught out on defense, Rio Ferdinand comes to his rescue and partially blocks the resulting shot before it can trouble Van der Sar.





Villa's offense comes at a price, as they've left acres of well-manicured pitch open for United to counter-attack. It's swift and dangerous when they do, with Chicharito slotting Berbatov in alone in front of the home side's goal. The Bulgarian's shooting woes continue, though, as he manages to pull the ball wide left from virtual point blank range.

At the other end, Villa is aided today by our inept man in charge. Displaying his usual inability to see what's going on, referee Mike Dean turns a blind eye to several prominent muggings by Villa in the offensive box.  The opportunities are shunted aside by the United boys in the middle, and it's superheroes versus villains locked in hand-to-hand combat; to this point in the action the good guys -- the men in white, after all -- appear to be up to the task.  After such a promising start for United, though, Villa have managed to play their way back into the game, and by the half hour mark they're giving as good as they're getting. 

Evra and Nani employ a bit of training ground trickery on a free kick at the Villa end, and remarkably it works, as Evra is put through on the left wing with five yards between him and the nearest defender. Unfortunately, none of his teammates make their way within five yards of goal, and the French fullback's fine cross skitters through untouched.

To this point in the game the United offensive effort appears lacking on the wing, as Nani repeatedly looks to cut in, as if dragged by magnet to a middle which is well-stacked with bodies. The Red Devils' offense is all too narrow, with Park, Hernandez, Berbatov, Carrick and Fletcher playing bumper cars as they routinely crash into each other around the 18 yard box.

Villa end the half with a nice spell of pressure, once again aided by a referee who fails to see the rather fiesty pushing in the box, but their best effort ends with a Stuart Downing shot partially blocked by Ferdinand.   The twitter maven is showing his worth today, as he and central defense partner Vidic are standing like unmoveable towers in central defense; against a lesser side it's likely Villa would be on the board at least once this afternoon.

It's a different United that start the second half, and as poor as they have been to this point in the action, it's still not a good thing.  United look like the Keystone Kops right now, as if they've made their way back onto the pitch but have somehow managed to leave their composure behind in the locker room.




Villa miss a sterling chance to take the lead as a ball dribbles through the box, but the resulting shot is fired wide. A short minute or two later and it's Albrighton somehow heading wide from right in front of Van der Sar, the goal gaping at his mercy. Although it's routine to say these misses may come back to haunt Villa, United have not created enough opportunities for one to see how they might punish the home side.

With a half hour left United are bloodied and losing their composure, as Chicharito is carded yet Warnock's high boot which bloodies Fletcher's face goes unspotted by referee Dean. Fletcher re-emerges onto the pitch looking angry; whether it's because his new jersey is numberless or he's upset at the biased officiating remains to be seen. 

The game becomes increasingly tense as Villa continue the pressure. Collins tries to claim the lead for Villa, but the top of the bar comes to the rescue and United is let off the rack.  Ninety seconds later it's the left post playing defense for United, as Agbonlahor is denied from giving his team the lead.  The goal frame may be saving United at this point, but even the neutrals watching on television will feel the goal coming

When it does come it's aided by a biased Mike Dean, who hands Villa a rather dodgy penalty on an innoucous Wes Brown shoulder barge, with Ashley Young converting from the spot to give Villa their deserved lead.  Obertan and Macheda are called on to replace the ineffective Berbatov and Hernandez, neither of whom has been given much to do today. In truth, Park and Nani in particular have stunk up the joint -- truly a faulty, pathetic performance from the midfield and wings today.

United are caught out on the counter in the 76th minute, as Macheda is robbed of the ball and Albrighton converts a cracking Stuart Downing cross for a 2-nil lead. It's hard to argue at this point that Villa don't deserve the two goal margin, and it could easily be double that amount.  United have been shockingly poor today, and the long run of unbeaten games now looks set to come to a crashing halt.

Ferdinand is denied by American goaltender Brad Friedel after creating United's first shot on target in the 80th minute. That says it all: a central defender has the first shot on target today with only a scant ten minutes left to play.

But it's at this low point that the tide begins to go out on Villa's remarkable run, as Kiko Macheda is not denied a minute later when he hits the target and pulls back a goal -- what is it about Macheda and Aston Villa?  We've got a tense finish set up here, and the Red Devils would be well pleased with a tie at this point, a thought most United fans would have scoffed at in their pre-game bravado.

Nani's inch perfect cross finds Vida in front of goal in the game's 86th minute, and United has fought their way back to tie the game at two, as the United captain finds the net with his head. 


It's an absolute shocker to be sure, and it'll be a true slam-bang mugging if United gain a point or more on the day. Five minutes of time are signaled at the end of regulation, offering further hope to the visitors.  Villa, after being in absolute control of the match only ten short minutes ago, are now just looking to hang onto their draw.

United fashion several chances in stoppage time, with the best being Obertan's direct route to goal, but Friedel once again manages to deny, with his face standing in the way of an undeserved United lead. Time ultimately runs out on the comeback, and it's another two points dropped by the boys in white.

Sir Alex shakes his head at the final whistle, befuddled by his team's lackluster play, and it's a truly puzzled farlieonfootie, as well, for November 14.  Who are these impostors in the white uniforms today, and what have they done with my team?

Game day Beer Review: Avery Brewing The Kaiser Imperial Oktoberfest (9.73% ABV). Poured into a goblet, displaying a translucent copper color with minimal head. Smell is mixed malt and dark fruits. Taste is malty, biscuity caramel, with herbal grassiness that leads to a long, sweet finish with a strong malt backbone. Extra thick, sticky mouthfeel, with highly noticeable alcohol. This is defintiely a sipper, from one of my favorite American breweries out of Colorado: B+

Like Taking (Halloween) Candy from a Baby

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Feeling strangely nervous today, in large part because most of my Spurs-leaning friends, including James, are not expecting much out of today's match at Old Trafford. Concerns about Spurs' defense (which I wrote about last weekend)  and their terrible track record away to United is mostly what I've been hearing. 


I'm also slightly undone, though, by the confidence my friend Mike has shown in the Reds today for his fantasy footie side, starting Berbs and Chich up top. I pondered that formation over a beer or two, but ultimately didn't have the guts to go with it. Instead, in a very low moment, I went with the weaselly diver Chamakh up top with Berba, and I already am full of self-loathing and regret over my choice of the Gunners' striker. Sure, I like the matchup, Arsenal at home and all, versus my friend Paul's Hammers, but this guy has disappointed me to no end whenever I've picked him to date, and I had sworn off him as of about Gameweek 5. Oh, well -- onward and upward.



[Ed. Note: Or maybe not. Chamakh on the board with his typical one point fantasy performance AT HOME today. This guy is just unbelievably bad. Please, someone tell me never to pick him again. Seriously; I mean it. He's terrible.]

Now onto the big game: Sir Alex goes with a mixture of youth and experience today, confirming my gut sense by picking Rafael to mark Gareth Bale, while leaving the rest of the defending to Vida, Rio and Evra.  It's Chicha and Berba up front, with Fletch, Carrick, Park and Nani getting the nod in midfield. The bench also contains some young guns, with both Bebe and Smalling having seats near the sideline. Contrary to my suspicions, Rooney is at the game today, watching from the sidelines with some of his fellow teammates.

It's Park clanging the post inside the first two minutes, with United on the front foot right from the get go. Early on, it's Park and Nani causing Spurs problems on the offensive end of the pitch, while Spurs counter with some threats and a goalpost of their own, a rocket off the foot of Van der Vaart that has VdS beaten.  Although it's a bright start for both teams, if Park had only the slightest ability to finish the Red Devils could be in the lead. This one could be frustrating.

Modric and Bale are little to be seen through the match's first 15 minutes, but I don't expect that to last. The OT crowd is in full throat tonight, probably fueled as much by the pre-game anti-Glazer protests outside the stadium as the beer inside it.  

Chicharito makes a cameo appearance in the game's 20th minute, almost pouncing on a spilled Carrick shot, but the Mexican, too, has been largely absent from tonight's proceedings. At the other end, the assistant referee almost gifts Spurs a goal, somehow missing a ball that goes clear over the end line, but VdS bails the defense out, and comes to Ferdinand's (and the referee's) rescue.

Midway through the half, Nani offers a piece of mesmerizing skill that should've led to the game's first goal, hypnotizing two Spurs defenders as he moves slow motion into the box before sliding a ball that had "assist' written all over it through the middle, but Fletcher can only direct it right at Gomes. Score tied still, nil-nil, and the tension continues.

Despite all the attacking talent on the pitch, it's Vida who finally open up the scoring, connecting smartly on a fine Nani free kick. The Serbian uses his head to thump the ball past Gomes for a 1-nil United lead.   Both teams create plenty of chances before half in an end-to-end game that is not disappointing the neutrals.

[Ed Note: why does FSC show so many Proactive commercials before, during and after every EPL game?  Do they really think that lots of acne-pocked teenage girls are watching their EPL broadcasts? These commercials may be slightly more appropriate on the Disney or Lifetime Channels than on FSC.]

The second half begins under a cloud of smoke, as halftime fireworks cause generally cloudy conditions to prevail on the pitch. The smoke clears as both clubs struggle to find their second half footing, with the pace of this half feeling much flatter than where we left off. United seem unable to generate much of a offensive threat other than that provided by Nani, with both Berbatov and Chicharito having relatively weak games to this point in the action. The midfield, ex-Nani, also seems poor again today, with even Fletcher struggling to make much of an impact on the game.

Spurs blink first, substituting Roman Pavlyuchenko for Robbie Keane in a bid to change the outcome. Fergie counters with Scholesie and Wes Brown for Berbatov and Rafael.    Strange substitutions, to be sure, but in SAF I trust. Also makes me wonder if Wes Brown has finally started to work his way out of the United dog house....  Mrs. Palacios, too, should be well pleased to see her son enter the fray as a replacement for Jermaine Jenas, as the game devolves momentarily into a battle of substitutions, as both coaches seek to alter the final outcome.

Fergie seems strangely determined to see out a 1-nil lead, as if proving to himself and others that United can hold a lead at home, even against one of the league's top sides. While it's dismaying seeing the Red Devils go into a defensive shell at home, my guess is that Fergie is more concerned with the three points today than being stylish in victory.

Van de Vaart, who has looked most likely all afternoon for Spurs, pulls up lame with 15 minutes remaining in the contest, bringing the Britsh Flamingo, Peter Crouch, onto the pitch. The crowd at this point is dulled into silence by a lack of action at either end; even a watching Ryan Giggs looks bored to tears by the lack of on-field action.

It's a bizarre incident (shown here on video) that ends the game, reminiscent of  Dirk Kuyt's goal against Sunderland earlier this season, with Nani being fouled in the box but no call forthcoming from referee Clattenburg. Although Spurs goalie Heurelho Gomes is under the impression that a free kick has been given, it hasn't, and as he puts the ball down in front of the goal, Nani steals it -- like taking candy from a baby -- and steers it into the back of the net before Gomes can stop him.  As @rioferdy5 tweeted after the game: "...gotta play to the whistle - harsh but true."

The freak goal stands because no free kick was ever signaled, Spurs furious and United with the three points. Game over, 2-0, and farlieonfootie with the candy from the baby for Halloween on October 31st.



Game Day Beer Review: Dogfish Head Sahtea (9.00% ABV). Pours a murky orangish color with just a small amount of head that leaves behind virtually no lacing. Up front aroma is dominated by chai tea spices.  Taste is chai tea spices, with distict a distict clove undercurrent, and a slight hint of orange that fades into a crisp, clean finish. The alcohol in this beer is extremely well hidden. Unusual: A-

Column Three: Who Loves Ya, Bebe?!

Random Thoughts from tonight's League Cup Match featuring Manchester United vs Scunthorpe:

* Bebe!  United's most intriguing signing of the summer finally entered a first team game in the 74th minute as a repacement for Park Ji-Sung.  Or Ji-Sung Park.  Depending on who you are talking to.  Or whether or not you're in Korea.  I've never gotten his name straight, and I'm a professional fan.  Do not attempt to pronounce it at home.  One thing I do know is that the tv announcers (presenters, I think the Brits call them) pronounced his name one way for a few years, and then switched it around to the other way a couple of years ago-- I just don't remember which one is currently in style.  I do know that Park sells alot of United t-shirts in Asia, though, and that very few players work harder on the pitch than he does.

Anyway, back to Bebe.  You remember him, don't you?  From the Portuguese Homeless World Cup team?  Still not ringing a bell?  Wut?  You mean you didn't know Portugal fielded a Homeless World Cup team, or even that there was Homeless World Cup?  Well neither did I, until I read about it this summer when Manchester United sensationally signed their homeless superstar out of virtual thin air.  I guess the tv viewership  for the HWC must be fairly low almost by definition, because if the participants are homeless, they probably aren't big owners of televisions, either.   Apparently no one knows about it, and this allowed United to sign our potential superstar for only 7 million pounds, which could -- or could not -- be a bargain.  We'll see.

In any event, back to Bebe -- he made his debut tonight!  I'm kind of sad he had to lop off the dreadlocks, though.  It must be true: United really ARE the Yankees of the EPL -- instead of no facial hair, though, they appear to have a no dreadlock policy.  Guess we won't be recruiting heavily in Jamaica, although I do know famed sprinter Usain Bolt (what a great name for a track star!) is a huge United fan, so maybe he can convince promising footballers in the Islands that it's worth it to shave their head to play for United.

So Bebe entered the game and no sooner did he do so than a naked man ran onto the pitch.  Seriously.  You can't make this stuff up.  Stopped the game for a minute or two, because no one wanted to tackle him.   Don't blame them, really.  But soon enough Bebe had a good touch or two, nothing spectacular.  Then the game was over.  Certainly not reminiscent of Cristiano Ronaldo's debut against Bolton in 2003 (watch this if you want to see how to make a debut: Cristiano Ronaldo's Debut Match Against Bolton).  Can't wait to see what Bebe can do as his United career begins, but I didn't really get a good sense of him tonight.  Guess I'll have to wait for the next League Cup match to see him again.  Let's mark his grade down tonight as an "incomplete" and come back to him again in a future column.

* You know it's a sign you've been watching too much of a sport when you know the referees by sight.  Hello, Mike Dean.  I still hate you for costing Manchester United the EPL title last year.  Yes, when you neglected to see Didier Drogba in an offside position of at least a yard, it cost us not only a game but the overall EPL title, as well.  Not that it was anything big, of course.  It also personally cost me a uniform, because that's what I had to buy my friend Telly when Chelsea won the title and I lost our bet (guess who I was backing?).  I thought cheekily about putting Mike Dean's name on the back of Telly's uniform, to mark it like a Scarlet Letter, but quickly came to my better senses.  I am glad, though, to see that the people who oversee the EPL have thought enough of Mike Dean to "promote" him to refereeing important League Cup matches in front of 9,000 rabid fans versus the boring league-deciding matches he used to ref in front of 75,000.  I'm sure he's pleased, as well.

* What is it with Claret and Blue?  In fact, what is it with claret?  I thought that was a type of wine, not a color.  I mean, I know the Brits like their wine (in fact, maybe all of their liquor), but is there really such little originality across the pond that seemingly 50% or more of the teams wear claret and blue uniforms?  Villa, West Ham, Burnley, and now I find Scunthorpe all appear to wear the same uniform.  Perhaps they get volume discounts.  Seriously, though, it's as if the Cards, Yanks, A's and Toledo Mud Hens all wore the exact same color pattern.  Is it just me, or is this slightly weird?!  And don't even bother to get me started on the fact that the Brits don't actually call them uniforms, they call them "kits."  And horizontal stripes are called "hoops." I know this because it's how my friend Telly described -- in luxurious detail --  the type of uniform he wanted me to buy for him when I lost the bet.  Thanks again, Mike Dean. 

* Michael Owen is back.  Seriously.  Two goals tonight -- a brace.  Yes, the second was basically bundled into the net, but the first was pure Owen, as only he can do.  Still has a good burst of speed, and always puts himself into a good position according to SAF (that's Sir Alex Ferdinand, the coach of United, for you newbies).  First goals in a long time for Owen, but I'll take them.  I'm glad to see him score. He's been kind of the forgotten man among the United strikers this year, so it's nice to see him open his account; we'll need it as we get deeper into the season.  I do know one thing: depth at striker NEVER hurts.

*  SAF was in Spain tonight?  Skipped the game to scout Valencia, who United play in the Champions League next week, and left the Assistant Coach, Mike Phelan, in charge.  Seriously?  That's how little respect we have for Scunthorpe?  Can you imagine the conversation before the game?: "I'm sorry guys, but our coach couldn't make it tonight -- he had to go watch someone we play next week....  Umm, but he said to say hello."  Maybe I'm confused, but that's what I thought "scouts" were for.  In any event, Fergie knows best, as he has proved time and time again, and the scoreline proved him right again tonight.  United 5 - Scunthorpe 2.  And that's farlieonfootie for today, September 23.