Thoughts on the Barclay's Premier League Season To Date

Columnist Randy Likes a Close Up View of the Action
photo by barbourians	via PhotoRee

What with all the excitement of the famed FIFA international break, we practically had to chain ourselves to our desk (that's right, we all share one desk here at Corporate) to hammer out the following piece.  Herewith, our semi-lucid thoughts on what's happened so far in the World's Most Exciting LeagueTM:

o Yaya Toure May Be the Most Influential Player in the League: It's no longer a certain diminutive Spaniard who drives the City bus, but a rock hard Ivorian who has become the new measuring stick by which all BPL midfielders are judged.  Although he's eminently capable of just sitting back on the pitch to break up opposition play and transition the ball toward City's offensive movement, it's when Roberto Mancini allows Toure the freedom to roam forward that opponents really begin to fret.  Toure's already bagged two goals in the team's first three games, and has left the rest of the BPL asking only one question: How do you solve a problem like a Yaya...?

o Liverpool's Not as Bad as Their Record Would Indicate: We're going out on a bit of a limb here, but we don't believe the reds will finish the season in the 18th position in the League table that they currently occupy.  17th place possibly, but definitely not 18th.  In all seriousness, though, Liverpool is clearly in a transitional phase, and undergoing a rather strenuous adjustment to Coach Brendan Rodgers' new tactics and schemes.  They'll gradually get there, and we see it as a substantial postive that the new man has decided to bite off the many problems King Kenny saddled the club with in last year's transfer market -- which clearly serves to show that management has learned a bit of collective folk wisdom from the Deep South: "If you've got to eat a turd, don't nibble at it."  The bet here is that Liverpool is only a striker away from challenging for a Europa League spot, and a couple of additional players away from being back in contention for the big time.

o AVB Had Better Start Winning.  And Soon:  He's won only three of his last 15 BPL games as a Manager, and although we believe that both he and Spurs will come good eventually, there's a significant caveat to our thinking: if the Portuguese version of Inspector Gadget doesn't pick up the pace soon -- and by soon, we mean very soon -- his second visit to London may be no more pleasant than his first.  The press love a good villain, and despite his boyish good looks (according to Columnist Ed, who has a bobble-head AVB doll firmly ensconced on his desk) Villas-Boas has already been given all the rope he'll need to hang himself.  Let's hope it doesn't come to that.

Last Rites: Round 35 in the BPL

o Arsenal came out for the Cockney Derby looking more like the side that spent mid-week going toe-to-toe with the current European Champions rather than the side that spent Wednesday watching that game from their couch. Which only goes to prove that tired minds can be worse than tired legs.... The nil-nil draw likely suited both sides: Chelsea's hopes of finishing fourth are still alive, as is their momentum going into Tuesday's key clash with Barca, and Arsenal are still looking fairly comfortable in the race for a Champions League spot.

o Hatem Ben Arfa is a difference maker at this time of the season. The Frenchman made something from nothing, turning a routine out ball into a dangerous cross that ultimately led to Newcastle'a first goal against Stoke. Call me cazy, but between Ben Arfa, Yohan Cabaye and Papiss Cisse, I'm beginning to believe the Magpies may nip the final Champions League spot.

o Who would've thought in January I wouldn't be including Demba Ba in that prior sentence?  It's a funny old game....

o Stoke is mind numbingly poor on offense: 32 goals in 35 games, and not a one added to that total on Saturday. Personifiying the Potters' stupefyingly poor performance, Cameron Jerome came on as a mid-game substitute, and dribbled the ball into a complete dead end down the left side of the pitch no less than 3 or 4 times in his time on the pitch.

o Sunderland 0 - Aston Villa 0. Does this surprise anyone? Two poor teams with little to play for....

o Brad Freidel looked every one of his 40 years of age on Saturday when he was slow to react to a free kick that even our own Columnist Ed could have outrun. No doubt the shot was well placed by QPR's Adel Taraabt, but Friedel evidently must have been suffering from some severe arthritis as he creaked toward the ball.

Fast and Furious: Round 33 in the BPL

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The games are coming fast and furious now, no rest for the weary, even of the fantasy football variety. I had to wake up at midnight on Easter Sunday evening to change my fantasy squad, as I'd forgotten to do so earlier in the day.  Nevertheless, the show must go on:

o As it did for Newcastle United, although their snoozer of a game versus Bolton never really sprang to life until Player of the Week Hatem Ben Arfa slalomed through the Trotters on his way to a fabulous second half goal. Many of the players on the pitch for Bolton looked as if they had to wake up at midnight Sunday night, as well -- and never went back to sleep.  


o Papiss Cisse may be lighting up hearts and minds in Toonside, but his arrival seems to have coincided with Demba Ba's fall from form. Could it just be a coincidence?  Or more likely, is the first-to-arrive Senegalese striker beginning to get a bit frustrated at his lack of playing time and opportunities -- as he looked when he was substituted after an hour on Monday.  The situation bears watching, because Ba may be eligible to go elsewhere next season....

o All this talk about how Chelsea has turned its season around strikes me as far fetched. Finishing fourth in the League and winning the FA Cup -- which the Blues seem to have a lock on, of late -- will hardly qualify as a major success. That is, unless you believe I've written them off too early against Barcelona....

o Liverpool's situation becomes more comedic by the day. The fact that the dismissal of their first string goalkeeper was followed in the very next game by  walking papers being issued to their second string goalkeeper (and very nearly their third, as well) is topped only by an even more statistically improbable feat: Andy Carroll scoring a late, game-winning goal. I mean, what are the odds?!

o Manchester City's game versus West Bromwich Albion could be the first time I've ever seen a in-depth highlights package of a Premier League game that didn't include any evidence of one the teams possesing the ball outside of their defensive end.  As Ricky Ricardo would have said, Baggies Manager Uncle Woy has "some 'splaining to do" for the lineup he trotted out like lambs to the slaughter -- omitting his two leading strikers for the trip to Manchester.

Inside Newcastle United: Crazy Cisse

photo by Darin Barry	via PhotoRee

Our famous 11 year old columnist, Connor, returns to these pages after a brief absence, with his thoughts and observations on Newcastle's 2-nil humiliation of Liverpool from last Sunday:

Newcastle came into the game off a two game winning streak. Papiss Cisse was at his best, scoring twice, once before the break and once after, bringing the Magpies to a two-nil victory over the Reds.



Both of Cisse's goals required top-notch athleticism. The goal in the 19th minute was a beautiful cross by Hatem Ben Arfa, but even a better header by the Senegalese forward to put them up before the break. Cisse did not stop putting pressure on the Red’s defense; not even five minutes into the second half he barely missed the right post.

After an hour played, Cisse found the net again. Hatem Ben Arfa assisted on the score again with a picture perfect pass to Cisse, who put away the close range shot. The goal made Alan Pardew do some thinking and finally he put in some more defenders to secure the lead.

Like an Overstuffed Sausage: BPL Round 30

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o Fernando Torres, Raul Meireles and David Luiz on Wednesday; Didier Drogba, Ramires, and Gary Cahill on Saturday. Does anyone get the sense that RDM hasn't solved the problem that plagued AVB: i.e., that Chelsea's coaches this season have no idea who their best eleven players are...?

o Chelsea vs. Spurs on Saturday could have been useful as Exhibit A in the case of Quality v. The BPL.  Anyone who suffered through the weekend's first match would have a tough time trying to convince a jury that the BPL this season is as good as ever. The match featured so much passing sideways and backwards that I kept expecting Gareth Barry to appear on the pitch.



o Hauled off the pitch after 60 minutes on Saturday, David Silva is learning a hard lesson: it's a very long season in England, and Stoke is a tough place to go and get a result.  The pint-sized Spaniard is well off his early season form, played into the ground through over-use by his Manager, Roberto Mancini. He looked like a dark haired Bjorn Borg after getting his first half headband, courtesy of a stray Stoke elbow. Bjorn Borg after playing John McEnroe in the 1980 Wimbledon final -- the one with the 18-16 fifth set.

o After Wayne Rooney's bicycle kick winner last season, you'd think City would be used to dropping points on incredible goals.  But there's no way that they could have expected Peter Crouch to score the way he did.  Hell, even Crouch could not have meant to score on that shot. Or did he...?!  Making our Player of the Week's stunning goal even more remarkable, the ball never touched the ground from the time it left Asmir Begovitch's foot from a goal kick until it hit the back of Joe Hart's net. A certain contender for goal of the year....

o Carlos Tevez looked like an overstuffed sausage in his extra-large City kit -- as if the Argentine spent the last five months becoming very familiar with the dessert aisle of his local bodega....  No wonder he was brought on for only a twenty minute cameo at Stoke on Saturday: his kit wouldn't have lasted the full ninety.

Spanning the Globe

I Wonder if the Insurance Policy Covers Excrement?  Turns out the pipe that exploded above the United locker room at the Stadium of $hite wasn't a water pipe, but a sewage pipe.  Hello?  My new Armani suit, ruined?  And you wonder why the United players  seemed distracted for the first half of the game against Sunderland on Saturday?  Poor guys had to play about 10 minutes just to earn enough to buy replacements....

How Much More Does Adam Johnson Need To Do To Earn a Place in City's Starting 11...?  The guys scores his team's only goal in the mid-week Europa League clash against Juve, and then comes on in a 19 minute cameo against Newcastle yesterday to score the winning goal (and, I'm glad to say -- solely for the sake of my Fantasy League Team -- pick up all 3 bonus points for the match).   And this for a team that is not exactly lighting up the scoreboard with goals....  I'm guessing he's going to need to score at least two to three times per game instead of his usual one in order to replace the deadly-boring Gareth Bale or WWF escapee Nigel de Jong. Apparently Roberto Mancini prefers stacking his side with holding mid-fielders than guys who are actually capable of providing offense.

Another Week, Another Broken Leg. Seems par for the course in the EPL this season; I'm beginning to wonder if it's contagious, like the flu.  This past weekend it was Newcastle's Hatem Ben Arfa who sustained a  serious and unfortunate injury. Like Antonio Valencia and Bobby Zamora before him, it looks as if another emerging star has been cruelly cut down just as he was beginning to capture the public's eye. Let's hope the scene with the stretcher is not the last we see of Ben Arfa in the EPL, although there's a good chance it will be as he is currently on just a one-year loan to Newcastle from Ligue 1 side Marseille.

With Friendlies Like This, Who Needs Enemies-lies?  The tackle on Ben Arfa came courtesy of City's Nigel de Jong, and caused an almost five minute stoppage in play to get oxygen and a stretcher onto the pitch and Ben Arfa off it. This is the same Nigel de Jong who tatooed his treadmarks on the chest of Xabi Alonso  during this summmer's World Cup final, and earlier broke American Stu Holden's ankle with a heavy tackle in a pre-World Cup "friendly."  How many more bones does this guy need to break before attracting the referees' attention?  Although City Assistant Coach Brian Kidd apparently saw nothing wrong with de Jong's tackle, I'm glad to report that Dutch Coach Bert van Marwijk did, branding the tackle "wild and unnecessary," and refusing to recall de Jong for this week's Dutch international matches.  Well done, Bert.


photo by The Real Darren Stone	via PhotoRee

What?  No Photos with Hotties in Dirndls?  Bayern Munich's start to the season has been so poor that the team cancelled its annual outing to the city's Oktoberfest and instead handed the players extra training sessions. Lying in 13th place in der Bundesliga, with three losses in seven games, apparently caused panic and sobriety to break out in the capital of Bavaria. I'm glad to report that team management is focused on the root causes of Bayern's poor play and not looking petty or appearing to grope for answers to the team's poor recent play.

Who Played the Part of Emmanuel Adabayor?  Bahrain hosted the country of Togo in a recent international friendly, and won easily, 3-nil.  One possible reason for the Bahraini's semi-famous victory is that  the Togo squad was filled with impostors who ran out of gas in the second half.  Yup, that's right: everyone on the pitch for Togo, from the manager on down, was a fake.  And to think I was unable to come up with a viable reason for Togo's poor play as I watched the match.  Goes to show you that you need to approach this week's coming international matches with a slightly jaundiced eye.  And that's farlieonfootie for October 4th.