I'm Just Not That Into You

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Correspondent Ed's not into you, either:

You ever get the impression that Emmanuel Adebayor just doesn't care? Like when his team sends a private jet to retrieve him from the African Cup of Nations and yet he still doesn't make it to training on time. Or is it when he pretty much loafs around during games conserving his energy for . . . what? I'm not sure. Adebayor has a total of three goals this year for comp to date of about $4 million dollars -- a cost per goal of over $1 million. He was outstanding during a year when he was looking for a new team and a new contract. However, as has happened in the past, once the pay is settled and coming in the door, he seems to take minimal pride in his sport. This is sad for Spurs fans, who need him to raise his game. But it's also short-sighted for Adebayor. Pretty much every old guy I play with on Monday nights gives it their all every week and they've got to go to work the next day to make a living. Enjoy and use your gift Ade, because before long you'll be barely a memory on the passing scene.

o It's amazing the difference Daniel Sturridge makes at Liverpool. While they still looked confident and strong for most of the game against West Brom, they were in many ways the pre-Sturridge version of the team. News flash to Chelsea: Sturridge is good. At times in the past few weeks he looked like the best guy on the field. If anyone recalls, he exhibited these same qualities at Bolton. Now in the right position at Liverpool -- and by that I mean not on the right but up top -- he has freed up Suarez and been a constant menace. Most surprisingly to me has been his footwork, where he's exhibited startling control in holding the ball up, weaving through defenders, and pushing it to oncoming attackers. I'm not sure Liverpool is playing anything even resembling Swansea under Rodgers, but with Sturridge they're not the mid-table team they were a month ago.

A Night to Forget: Manchester United 0 - FC Cluj 1

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Q. Youth to the fore last night?

A. Yes, for sure, with the match representing a dreaded "dead rubber" in the Champions League group stage. Scott Wooton, Alexander Buttner, Tom Cleverley, Nick Powell and Danny Welbeck all got looks from the Boss. Sir Alex being Sir Alex, though, he also made a few "oldsters" available, including Ryan Giggs and Wayne Rooney. Evidently wanting a better view of the action, the Gaffer opted to sit in the stands and watch his young side from high above the fray.

Q. Did the infusion of youth result in faster and more free flowing team?

A. No, it seemed as if slow and boring were the instructions given in the locker room. Dead rubbers often play out this way.  Although Cluj needed to win the game, United weren't particularly in the mood to give their Romanian group mates a gift. A defensive-minded stalemate was the result.

Q. So: Half and hour in and not much to report, eh...?

A. Yup, that was about the state of things after 30 minutes: some dogged back and forth but precious few real opportunities created by either side.

Q. Is that the way the half ended?

A. Well, United did turn up the heat a bit before the interval, as the offense finally began to build up some momentum. Basically, it was the result of Wayne Rooney beginning to impose himself on the game.  Somewhat more worrying than the scoreline, though, was that Tom Cleverley limped off just before the break, and the youthful side that began the game was now being led by midfielders who were 38 and 39, respectively, as Paul Scholes partnered Giggs in midfield.

Q. Did United look comfortable in the second half?

Bern-ed: Liverpool 2 - Young Boys Bern 2

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Correspondent Scott likes Young Boys -- Bern, that is:

 

Not being that familiar with Swiss football, I found myself Googling Liverpool’s opponents for their Thanksgiving Day Europa League game. And while I can’t remember everything I read about BSC Young Boys, I do have a lingering uneasiness about that worrisome entry in my internet browser history.

But my uneasiness pales in comparison to that which must be festering in Brendan Rodgers, whose team twice blew leads at Anfield to manage only a tie against their Alpine visitors. After Anji’s defeat of Udinese earlier in the day, Liverpool could have qualified for the next round of the Europa League with a game to spare by simply holding serve at home. Instead, despite throwing a kitchen sink of second half substitutes on the pitch, the Reds will have to continue to split their focus between Premier League and Europa League for one more match day, at least.

Liverpool’s first goal was a long time coming as, aside from a few sections of time, they controlled the game from the start. So it was no surprise to see that Jonjo Shelvey, continuing to enjoy his Europa Leage groove, was in the right place at the right time to nod home in the 33^rd minute for his fourth goal of this campaign. What was surprising, stunningly so, was to see Raul Bobadilla’s sublime control and left-footed volley in the 52^nd minute that leveled the score and muted the Kop. The Argentine displayed incredible skill in bringing the long pass down on his thigh, after twisting around to meet the ball while sprinting from Jordan Henderson, and then firing past the lunging Pepe Reina from an acute angle into the upper netting.

Thoughts on the Champions League, in No Particular Order

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If you're looking this morning for four thoughts on the Champions League, does Columnist Ed ever have something for you...:

 

1. Boring.  Am I the only one who finds most of these Champions League group stage games painfully boring? Manchester United's own players seem to be feeling the same thing. They were barely moving and trying against Braga, a team I think might get relegated if it was in the BPL. 

 

Don't get me wrong, I understand why they're bored. They had to fly a long way to play in a stadium with poor turf and lights that don't always work. And they get to play a team that no one knows about or cares much about. Ugh.

 

I have two easy sugggestions on how to energize the CL:  First, do some March madness brackets -- rank the teams that are eligible and set up the competition just like the college hoops tournament. And make it one and done.  It's not as fair, but it certainly will keep sides like United from using their B team.

 

2. Impressive.  Two teams have impressed me so far in the Champions League. First is Borussia Dortmund. They played a counter -attack game against Real Madrid and almost pulled it off for the victory. They're defensively well-organized and on offense move it around a lot. The other impressive team is FC Shakhtar Donetsk. They moved the ball very well against Chelsea and never looked intimdated. Especially the Brazilian Willian, who scored two and was extremely comfortable in possession. I've heard Spurs wanted him; too bad they couldn't get it done.

Hanging by a Thread: Manchester City 2 - Ajax 2

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o The hot seat beginning to warm up, Roberto Mancini left little to chance, playing an attacking triangle that included Carlos Tevez, Sergio Aguero and Yaya Toure up front against the men from Amsterdam. Bearing in mind that his City side will play Spurs at home this weekend, the Italian likely gambled -- correctly or not, still to be determined -- that five days rest would be enough when playing their next game at home.

 

o Coming as it did against the run of play, the double deflection for the Ajax opener was likely not what Mancini envisioned in his pre-game planning. Nor was De Jong’s uncontested header that made the scorline 2-nil a short six minutes later. On defense City look disorganized, demoralized and generally out of sorts – the same way they’ve appeared for much of the Champions League this season.

 

o Yaya Toure’s fantastic takedown and sidewinding goal which cut the deficit to one showcased the Ivorian’s game in one flowing move: the brute strength of an NBA power forward, combined with the finesse and footwork of a petite midfielder.

 

o Mancini doubled down at halftime, replacing Javi Garica with Mario Balotelli. While the move paid off with initial pressure, the ultimate dividend Mancini was hoping for was not immediately apparent.

 

o Kun Aguero reminded us a bit of Evan Lysacek. Playing as if he had ice skates on, the Argentine hit the deck and slid repeatedly…. Just askin’, but shouldn’t a player know which boots to wear on his home pitch…?

 

o Not content to use only three of his strikers, Mancini took one last chance at the 65 minute mark to throw in a fourth with the addition of Edin Dzeko – although he took off Tevez in order to do so. But it wasn’t super sub Dzeko who evened the scoreline – as was often the case last year, it was none other than El Kun who pulled the Citizens back to level terms with just over 25 minutes to play.

 

o Even when moving forward, City looked less like a team than a collection of individual superstars. Each offensive move was less a flow from one player to another than it was a piece of individual brilliance.

 

o When the winner came, it came from an offside position – and was rightly denied. The resulting 2-2 draw succinctly summed up Manchester City’s season to date – there is no “I” in team -- and left the Citizens and their Manager right where they were when the game kicked off: hanging by a thread.

 

This is farlieonfootie for November 7.

Late for the Party: Barcelona 2 - Real Madrid 2

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Barcelona. Real Madrid. Camp Nou. Need we say more?

Of course we do.

Needing a victory, Real visited the hallowed Catalan grounds that have rarely brought them good tidings this past Sunday evening. Due to fitness issues affecting the home side, however -- lacking both starting center halves for this latest version of El Clasico -- Los Blancos must have entered Sunday's contest with significant hope for the first time in ages.

The game started out as if both teams were late to a party -- which in Spain would mean arriving quite tardily, indeed. Bodies rushed back and forth, up and down the pitch, as each team sought the early advantage, but neither side had a true shot on goal until the newly shorn Sergio Ramos missed an uncontested header from right in front of Victor Valdes' goal: the exact same spot typically so well protected by the aforementioned and absent Carles Puyol and Gerard Piqué.

Cristiano Ronaldo -- he of the sad affect of late -- made no such mistake near the 20 minute mark, though, burying his first shot on goal and beating Valdes on the near post for a deserved 1-nil lead for the men in white. Less than two minutes later the lead should have doubled, with the posts serving as the Catalans' most effective defender, denying a wide open Karim Benzema from point blank range.

Not to be left out, Lionel Messi soon pulled out his party invitation and drew his team level -- a rather surprise development, if any goal by the Argentine wunderkind can be described as such. In contrast to the typical artful Messi scoring play, this was more of a like Real Madrid "Tilt-ing" on the pinball that was bouncing around in the box, self destructing through unintentional rebounds and caught standing still at the one moment that truly mattered.

It wouldn't be a Clasico if the handbags hadn't come out, so it was no surprise when tempers flared just before the half as ticky-tacky fouls were greeted with moaning and writhing about on the pitch. But if the first half served up some wicked action, it was solely to prepare the fans for the second 45 minutes, which opened at one end with a disputed non-call on a penalty for Real Madrid and continued at the other with a disputed non-call on a penalty for Barcelona. The teams then traded free kicks from dangerous spots, although the home side's effort was considerably more celebrated.

Five Things We Learned While Watching Manchester United vs. Galatasaray

Photo by Woodleywonderworks on Flickr

o There Are No Easy Champions League Games: Sure, there are some Champions League matchups that are easier than others -- would you rather play Galatasaray or Barcelona? -- but there is no such thing as an easy night in Europe these days. The teams -- yes, even the Turkish ones -- have too many international players, and the contests are too cagey to lead to many 5-nil romps, even for a team with the quality of Manchester United. Last night's game was a perfect example: for much of the game the Turks held the ball, gave as good as they got, and were unlucky not to have scored on at least two occasions.  After a fast opening by the home side, the contest quickly turned into a nerve-wracking affair, with one key difference: this time the home side managed to find a way hold on. Which just goes to show....

o A Narrow Win is Still a Win: United open the Group Stage with three points this year -- they now likely need only seven more from their next five games to move into the knockout stage of the competition. With two more home games, United would now appear very likely to better last year's effort. In the end, it will not long be remembered that last night's victory was ugly in spots, that United spurned multiple scoring opportunities, and that the home side looked vulnerable on defense.  Instead, the United faithful will remember a game that counted as a win -- hopefully one in a series of them in this year's Champions League -- and that the home side banked all three points.  Which they got because....

o Sir Alex is Not Fooling Around: Take a gander at Wednesday's starting lineup: Robin Van Persie, Shinji Kagawa, Antonio Valencia, and Nemanja Vidic, among others, graced the pitch for the men in Red.  The only "big name" players missing from a squad which might start a Champions League Final were Wayne Rooney (injured) and Rio Ferdinand (rested). Gone is the conservative, rest-the-stars approach used to such ill effect last season. Names such as Bebe, Gibbo and Pogba stood no chance of seeing the light of day this time around, and not only because most of them have moved on -- but because the Boss is not so ill-informed as to realize he vastly underestimated the competitiveness of last year's competition. And Fergie could have been forgiven for taking a chance on this particular game, especially with the Liverpool derby coming up on the weekend.  But he didn't, and we knew Sir Alex was serious last night, because....

o When the Black Coat and Sweater Come Out, Things Are Starting to Get Real: Everyone knows the sun shines in Manchester about as often as it snows in Miami, but there's something special about Old Trafford when the weather turns cooler, and there's nothing like a European Night to bring it out. And when Fergie busts out the Marks & Spencer jacket with the zip-up sweater underneath it can only mean one thing: the weather's begun to turn, and real English football is on display. Save the sunny day games for the pre-season and August. This time of year we want the real thing -- raw, cold, dark and hard hitting -- with only one exception....

No Walk in the Park: Manchester City 2 - Real Madrid 3

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Tie askew, Jose Mourinho looked slightly disheveled as Real Madrid's first round Champions League matchup with Manchester City got underway last night at the Santiago Bernabeu Stadium. Sitting slumped in the shadows of his black leather sideline chair, his face partially obscured, the Only One looked as if his team's poor early season performance was weighing significantly on him. The Madrid Bossman's agitated state contrasted sharply with the suave visage of his opposite City number, Roberto Mancini. But while Mou may have appeared unsettled, it was the neatly coiffed Italian coach's defense which began the game looking completely unhinged, as the home side took the attack straight at the visitors from the opening whistle.

Cristiano Ronaldo made Vincent Kompany -- no less than the all-consensus best defender in the BPL last year -- look average at best in a one-on-one situation in the game's opening ten minutes, and only a fine save by City 'keeper Joe Hart kept the Spaniards from taking the early lead. When Ronaldo beat Maicon again a few short minutes later, flashbacks of Gareth Bale must have been running through the City fullback's mind even as Joe Hart bailed him out -- this time managing to deny Ronaldo's effort despite the misdirection afforded by Gonzalo Higuain's headed touch immediately in front of the City goal.

If the Spaniards were unable to take advantage of their early dominance, City found it difficult to maintain even the slightest scrap of possession in the game's first half. It was only through one of Ya Ya Toure's trademarked rampages through the middle of the pitch that City sent a brief reminder that there was more than one team intent on scoring for the evening.

Even the normally industrious Carlos Tevez was reduced to a mere spectator by City's conservative gameplan, a development Mancini sought to alleviate by switching to three at the back as the second half began. As the game clock hit an hour, though, the result was more of the same: City struggling to leave their own end, and Marcelo's missile just the latest development to tease the Madrilleno fans: almost, but not quite good enough.

It was when bodies began bouncing off Toure like cartoon bullets off Superman that the crowd finally sensed something special in the offing -- an event confirmed by recent sub Eden Dzeko's fine finish that handed City a stunning 1-nil smash and grab lead.

Shootout at the Bernabeu: Bayern Munich 2 (3) - Real Madrid 2 PK

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Columnist Scott offers a final word or two on his second favorite team's late departure from the Champions League on Wednesday night:

As the goalies get better, advancing technology allows in-depth study of opposing players' tendencies, and rules have evolved allowing lateral ‘keeper movement prior to the kick, penalty kicks are far from the given goal we grew up believing.  Even more difficult is conversion when the pressurized glare of a Champions League semi-final is blinding your eyes and threatening tachycardia.

Admittedly, I did not get to see the majority of the Real Madrid - Bayern Munich second leg game. But I did catch the last 20 minutes of extra time, during which I saw Real Madrid pressing relentlessly and creating the better of the chances, with only Gonzalo Higuain's slightly ill-timed touch wasting a near sure goal created by Marcelo's sublime 3/4-field dribble then pass. It should be noted, however, that my observation is notwithstanding a clearly unbiased impression to the contrary, of all the action prior, by a certain burly Bayern Munich fan in my acquaintance.

As a result, I'll leave the regular and extra time commentary to others and, instead, focus briefly on one of the most thrilling, if disheartening, penalty shootouts I've ever witnessed.  All the elements were there: world class field players, world class goalies, Champions League Final on the line, dramatic saves, all hope lost, hope restored, crushing miss and, finally, emphatic closure.

Just before the expiration of extra time, Ronaldo is seen to confidently motion to himself, clearly an indication that he will take the first kick. So, after David Alaba scores first for Bayern, I watch with anticipation as one of the best players in the world, indeed the 2008 FIFA World Player of the Year, will surely put Los Blancos on level terms.  But Manuel Neuer is of another mind, getting down quickly to his right to block the Portuguese’s hard-hit but too-centered shot.  Ronaldo had made 26 of 27 penalty kicks for Real Madrid before this effort.  Confidence erodes to mere hope.

Postcards from the Edge: Chelsea 2 - Barcelona 2

I somehow contrived to get on the plane with the slowest Internet connection speed possible  -- Thanks, Virgin America! -- which made me miss the first half of the Chelsea vs Barcelona semi-final second leg. Not that I missed much, mind you: Gary Cahill and Gerard Piqué both being injured and subbed off early, John Terry being caught red handed (red kneed?) and shown a card of a similar color by the game's Turkish Referee, Barcelona hitting the back of the net twice and Chelsea scoring against the run of play in first half stoppage time.  No, it was just another run of the mill first half of football.

The second half I did manage to catch, and here's what I saw --  including some postcards I wrote to my friends:

Dear JT: WHAT IN THE WORLD were you thinking?  I called you out for your knee to the back of Alexis Sanchez in last week's game, but you couldn't help yourself again today.  You're like the scorpion in the story of the scorpion and the frog.....  You showed your true colors on Wednesday -- and there's no mincing words here: You're a cheat, on the pitch as well as off it.

PS| Nice try on the attempt to lie and deceive your way out of the situation -- but your usual tricks weren't working last night.  You would never deliberately knee a player?  That's an interesting statement.  What exactly did you do to the very same Alexis Sanchez last week at Stamford Bridge?

Dear Victor: I know goaltender is not the most exciting spot on the pitch at Barcelona, but have you ever heard of positioning...?  That word looked like Greek to you as you allowed Ramires to chip over your head for a stunning blow in first half stoppage time.

Dear Didier: Giving up a penalty to Barcelona less than a minute into the second half, right after RDM must surely have talked to you about keeping your discipline?  Really?

Dear Lio: Missing that very same penalty?  REALLY??  I guess even robots make mistakes every now and then.

Dear Cuneyt Cakir: A yellow card to Cech for delaying the game before it even hit the hour mark....  I don't recall that happening very often in other games -- UEFA must have issued you very strict instructions.

Dear Barcelona: Please stop feigning injuries and badgering Referees.  You may wonder why so few people like you -- Respect, yes, but like?  Not really -- but all you need to do to find the answer is look in the mirror.  You may be the reigning European champions, but your constant whining, faking and diving is an embarrassment to the game, and a serious tarnish to your crown.  There won't be many tears shed outside of Catalonia that you've failed to retain your crown

Super Cup or Super Farce?

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Pep Guardiola was back in his modified Devo costume last night as Barcelona and Real Madrid played for the second time in four days, this time at the Camp Nou in Barcelona, Spain. I don't know about you, but these 'Clasicos' are seeming more like 'Commonos' with their seemingly regular occurences.

Once again, Los Madrilenos came out of the blocks flying, peppering Barcelona 'keeper Victor Valdes right from the game's outset. Jose Mourinho had obviously amped up his side to compete physically with the smaller Catalans, who were dominated in Madrid earlier this week, nevermind the final 2-2 scoreline. Indeed, the Blaugrana's performance at the Santiago Bernabeu on Sunday left more than a few fans and journos alike scratching their pates wondering what happened to the vaunted Barca possession game.

On Wednesday night, it was Cristiano Ronaldo channelling the King, Eric Cantona, with his upturned collar striking fear in the hearts of the Catalan defenders in the early action. Barcelona countered with a King of their own, as Lionel Messi slotted in Andres Iniesta, who chipped Real goaltender Iker Casillas to give the Catalans an early lead in the same casual manner you or I might take a Sunday stroll on the beach.

Ronaldo evened matters less than five minutes later, as a rare Eric Abidal concentration lapse managed to keep Los Merengues onside, with the Portuguese wonderman tapping in a brilliant Karim Benzema delivery to knot the scoreline at one.

No Messi, No Win

How Sweet is This Ride?

Some brief impressions of United's ultimate match in their US tour, in which the Reds gained a small measure of 2-1 revenge over the boys from Barcelona:

o The Twitter "Tweet Up" Tailgate went off without a hitch, and could not have been more fun. I loved meeting @JasThe Devil and his beautiful wife Wendy, @RedMamaStyle, @OleisMyHero and their son BG, @OTMecca and his son Jacob and friends, @parapluieverte, @sethirahat, and @Brett_Compton. Along with my son and @cbannerot, @fbannerot and another Twitter-less friend and his son, our group was all Red, all the time, and our spirited (and spirit-filled) pre-game was definitely an afternoon to remember. 

The Tweet Up in Action

o The Tweet Up proved several things to me: i) friends are where you find them; ii) there are real (and interesting) people out there behind all those @ signs on Twitter; and iii) it's possible -- through the miracles of modern technology -- to feel like you "know" someone before you have ever physically met them. The Tweet Up made a special game even more memorable, and it turned an evening game into an entire day of fun. A hearty thanks go out to @JasTheDevil for being the organizer of this United-loving group, and bringing the pop up tent, food and drink.

o We drank some pretty good craft brew at the Tweet Up, too: while @JasTheDevil stuck mainly to his Coors, the rest of us enjoyed Stoudt Brewing's Karnival Kolsch (nice, clean taste), 21st Amendment Brewery's Hell or High Watermelon Wheat Beer (meh; pretty bland), Long Trail Brewing's Belgian White (not the best of it's style, but plenty good enough), Sierra Nevada Brewing's Summerfest Lager, and Southampton Publick House Brewing's Keller Pils, along with IBC Root Beer for the kids.  I really enjoyed the Stoudt Kolsch, and the Long Trail is an old favorite from a trip a couple of summers back to New England. With temperatures approaching the triple digit mark -- and probably even hotter on the pavement surrounding the stadium -- we sought out the little shade we had and the cool, refreshing taste of American craft beer to slake our thirst.

There's No Shame in Losing

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Some final thoughts on Manchester United's 3-1 loss to Barcelona in the Champions League:

o I'm incredibly proud of this team. Yes, they got beat, but the spirit with which they contested the match was nothing short of fantastic, and true to the United tradition. This pains me to say, but they were beaten by a better team -- on the night. Barcelona played absolutely stunning football on Saturday, spinning the pass wheel roulette, poking, prodding and probing in order to find and exploit even the slightest United weakness. Sometimes you just have to stand up and applaud, which is what I did at the game's conclusion, mesemerized by a little Argentine magician at the top of his game, spurred on to even greater heights by a Spanish maestro in the middle who dictated the game's tempo.

o Barca earned my respect on the night, but still has a long way to go to earn my admiration. Their beauty is often cheapened by their theatrics, diving and simulation, which appeared even as they won their fourth European Championship. Perhaps it is a sign of the youth in their squad, but Pep Guardiola would do well to remind his players that they are representing both a club and a culture, and their continued flopping, time wasting and overy-theatrical rolling around on the pitch do nothing to enhance their reputation.

o I was impressed by both Barca's speed and defense, and in particular by the wonderfully gifted Eric Abidal. Antonio Valencia saw little if any of the ball during the match, and much of that came down to Abidal's teriffic play on Barca's left flank.

London Calling

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More of the sites and sounds of a pre-match London:

o Well, the weather is doing its level best to cooperate for the weekend's festivities.  What started out as a gray, gloomy and chilly day has ended in near perfection, the sun finally peeking out from beneath the clouds and the climate becoming more temperate by the minute.  If we can just keep it this way a bit longer....

o What was the guy in line next to me at customs thinking when he told me my football warmup jacket should be blue? Maybe I have this wrong, but didn't Manchester United beat Chelsea four times this season?

o Is it just me, or does it sound slightly suggestive every time the recorded female voice on the Underground announces I'm headed toward "Cockfosters?"

Road Trippin'

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So, as with all great road trips, this journey began with a beer. An ice cold beer. Designed to smooth out the vague remnants of a hangover from last night's office sending off party, the 12 ounces of Sam Adams Light eased me into the initial stages of my 8-hour journey to London. I've headed to England's Capital, sometimes known as The Big Smoke, to see Saturday's Champions League Final pitting the underdog English Champions Manchester United against the favored La Liga winners, Barcelona.

As the wheels of the farlieonfootie Corporate G-5 left Miami terra firma, I tilted back the last of my beer to consummate the silent toast I had just offered, and pointed in the general direction of where I thought farlieonfootie's crack Correspondents Ed, James, Tom and Scott were.  Part of the farlieonfootie "Champions League invasion" of London, we'd only yesterday finished our staff planning session regarding responsibilities for our extensive team coverage of the weekend's festivities. What we hadn't planned was a raucous office party that spiraled hazily out of control, leaving me as the only one of our five intrepid reporters still standing, with two of the others hospitalized with debilitating hangovers, one arrested (I do believe you're innocent, Tom, but couldn't wire the funds in time for you to make bail!), and the fifth man still missing in action (names have been withheld to protect the innocent, but if Correspondent Ed's wife is reading this, please shoot me an email through our completely confidential office system to let me know where (if?) he eventually turned up. Last I saw Ed, he was looking slightly the worse for wear, with no shirt or belt, and only one shoe still on his person).

Transformers

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Tuesday, May 4, 2011 / Camp Nou / Barcelona, SPAIN

It was a dark and stormy night....

And then there was the matter of a certain football match in Catalonia Tuesday night, although the game was far from a classic. Sure, there was less flopping, diving and whinging than six days ago, but this game was more pure drudgery than jogo bonito. Nevertheless, herewith some observations about a few of the many transformations which occurred during the fourth and final clasico, a result which sent Barcelona to the Champions league final at Wembley to face Manchester United:

• The game's announcer transformed Carles Puyol linto a "beast of a man."  Only in La Liga could that description be apt. Nemanja Vidic is a beast of a man. Vincent Kompany is a beast of a man. Christopher Samba is a beast of a man. Hell, even Brede Hangeland is a beast of a man.  But Carles Puyol is a bad haircut. He may be a decent defender, but his haircut alone is enough to make me totally discount him as both a player and a person.

  One Bad Haircut  
photo by Gerard Reyes	via PhotoRee

• Jose Mourinho transformed from Special One to Absent One.  Apparently he had other things to attend to. You think there's any coincidence that Osama Bin Laden was killed earlier this week?  Some things are more important than football.

• Emanuel Adenayor transformed from a semi-decent attacker in his Gooner days, to semi-decent goon in his Real Madrid days.  What is he thinking?

Mourinho vs. Pep -- Round One

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Correspondent Scott checks in with a remarkably neutral view-- for an avowed Royalist -- of Round One of "El Crapico":

Santiago Bernabeu Stadium – April 27, 2011

Real Madrid 0 – 2 Barcelona

The pre-game, profanity-laced verbal fisticuffs in the press room set the stage for Guardiola to add a little more pep than usual to his motivation speech, and for the media to read more than usual into Jose Mourinho’s black-on-grey sartorial ensemble.  Although recent results have trended toward Real Madrid, Barcelona had Pique’s Shakira shaking for them, not to mention a league-dominating, hyper-passing, goal-scoring machine.  So the Lord Voldemort-like Mourinho (I really wish I had come up with that myself) would attempt to work his magic against the nearly-Griffindor-hued Catalans for European bragging rights.

From the game's start, Madrid continued their aggressive, pressing style from the previous match, with similar success as it was not until the 5th minute that Barcelona managed to play a little keep-away, short-lived as it was.  The Blaugrana did start to click around the 10th minute when David Villa ripped one just wide of the upright.  Then, in the 15th minute, Barca showcased some brilliant passing in tight quarters which foreshadowed their first real shot on goal, in the 24th minute, when Xavi was put through only to see his effort parried by Iker Casillas.

Curiously, precious few fouls were called early on in the conservative but hotly-contested match, until Pepe’s apparently electrified hand touched Dani Alves in the 29th minute, producing the game’s first yellow card.  Then, in the 38th minute, la familia Espanola erupted in a squabble over elbows and ever-increasing theatrics.  Depending on your loyalties, either Pedro ran straight into a retreating Arbeloa who didn’t shy away, or Arbeloa stepped into Pedro’s path and Pedro just made sure the ref saw – which suspicion was confirmed by a yellow for the Real defender.

Cat Fight

Barca and Real Engage in Yet Another Chapter of Their Very Heated Rivalry
photo by Endlisnis	via PhotoRee

Notes on El Clasico, numero tres:

Well, I guess Pep's outburst at the press conference on Tuesday had its intended effect: His team came out bitch slapping, cat fighting and play-acting like champions, with even their scrub goaltender Jose Pinto managing a massive accomplishment, recieving a red card send-off without ever setting foot on the pitch.

The game opened with a massive yawn, though, as the two sides basically played knockabout for the first 35 minutes.  At one point early on, I watched as Barca completed 15 consecutive passes without leaving their own half.

Without Real Madrid pressing them in the slightest.

Is that really the Beautiful Game, or just the boring game?

Things soon hotted up though, as the two teams began to fight like teenage girls who've had their boyfriends stolen. Which leads me to the following obeservation: Screw the game.  This contest was something ripped straight out of Correspondent Ed's wildest dreams:  it was like watching teenage girls have a pillow fight at a slumber party, albeit without the negligees or sexiness.

Twelve Steps

photo by Kevin	via PhotoRee

My name is Correspondent Scott and I am a closet Real Madrid fan.  It’s been 18 years, 7 months and 4 days since I first gulped the purple Kool-Aid. 

I say a “closet” Real Madrid fan because, in contrast to my other team, Liverpool, which hasn’t won anything since shortly after Flock of Seagulls were on the radio, Real Madrid, except for a very recent drought, have accumulated an embarrassment of riches over the past two decades, and it’s a trite cliché to be a fan, so I avoid it in certain company.  Unlike the hordes of bandwagon Manchester United fans, my team predilections are not predicated on being able to say that I am a fan of the champions (and no, I really don’t mean you, boss-man). 

You see, I came about my fandom honestly.  Living with a family in Madrid for two weeks in 1992, I was heavily swayed by their allegiance, but what sealed the deal was the first time I beheld the teenage Raul play so fearlessly and score seemingly at will.  Living again in Madrid from 1995 to 1996 only reinforced my choice of Real over Atletico (although I have mucho respeto for the in-town rivals). 

If my feelings for the former Liverpudlian, Fernando Torres, can be described as a man-crush (which they were in these pages), then I’m going to move back to Spain with a life-size poster of Raul, and start lobbying for same-sex marriage.   Hell, I’ve even started looking up the Schalke 04 scores since he was put out to pasture there.

A Mexican Stand Off

photo by Mild Mannered Photographer	via PhotoRee

April 16 / Estadio Santiago Bernabeu / Madrid, Spain

Real Madrid met Barcelona on Saturday for the 162nd time in time in La Liga, and for the first of four meetings in 18 days' time. Four Classico's in two and a half weeks: better get yor hair gel out.

I'm not sure you would have realzied this when La Liga's schedule was first released, but Saturday's match was actually the least important of the matches coming up, if they can be ranked that way. Barcelona entered the game with a fairly insurmountable lead in La Liga, while the next three matches between the two sides include the final of the King's Cup and the two-legs of the Champions League Semi-finals.

Commentator Ray Hudson was in all-star form for the game, waxing lyrically, melodramatically and majestically about the end-to-end action on the pitch. When he's on, Hudson can make watching grass grow sound exciting.  Phil Schoen also did a great job bringing Ray back down to earth, providing context and play-by-play in-between Ray's rhapsodic utterances.