Impotent: Chelsea 1 - Benfica 0

photo by mik_p	via PhotoRee

Roberto Di Matteo's Chelsea side invaded a raucous Estadio da Luz Tuesday night, in search of a first leg victory in the Champions League Elite Eight round.  The aging Londoners introduced fresh legs into their lineup, including those of forgotten man Solomon Kalou, while resting several -- shall we say -- more mature players such as Frank Lampard, in the hope of lasting a full 90 minutes against their Portuguese rivals. The evening represented a homecoming of sorts for two players in Blue, with Raul Meireles returning to his home country (albeit to a rival team's lair) and David Luiz playing against his former teammates from just over a year ago.

While Benfica 'keeper Artur was less than authoritative on an early cross, and Ramires looked lively in the early going for the visitors, it was the home side with the game's first real opportunity.  Chelsea's blushed were spared, however, as Oscar Cardozo fired wide after being picked out on the lob by Javi Garcia.

Juan Mata busied himself buzzing about the pitch like a pesty fly, albeit an insect wearing orange boots. Nico Gaitan and his teammates, on the other hand, more closely resembled a swarm of gnats -- clustering and problematic, but a group which dissolved just prior to the moment at which they would be struck.

Chelsea had good reason to be the happier of the two squads heading into the break, coming closest to a goal through Meireles' nearly lethal dart, while having blunted Benfica's attack at almost every turn.  In general, Di Matteo's charges had not allowed the home side to impose their will in a tepid 45 minutes of sleepy inaction.

Chelsea's Still Singing the Blues

photo by eschipul	via PhotoRee

Despite their tie with Spurs yesterday, something's still amiss with Chelsea.  Sure, they looked better in the second half, but 45 minutes does not a game make.  In the first half -- sans their malaria-stricken Ivorian super hero -- the Blues looked completely toothless, all bark and no bite.  Anelka was lazy and diffident on offense, and Chelsea rarely looked threatening with him leading the line.  Malouda and Kalou played slightly better, but the Frenchman's scoring touch has deserted him in recent days, as has that of Drogba's smaller Ivorian compatriot.  John Terry was several last ditch toe pokes away from having a diabolically bad game in central defense, and although Paolo Ferreira dealt with Bale, the Welsh wideman was actually one of Spurs' weakest players on the day for my money.

Chelsea were simply outclassed in the middle of the pitch, with Luka Modric, Aaron Lennon and Wilson Palacios bossing the game for good portions.  Essien was the best of Chelsea's middle men, although that's not saying much when the other two are Jon Obi Mikel and Ramires.  For the life of me, I fail to see any reason at all to have Mikel in the lineup -- McEachren would be an improvement at this point -- and Ramires appears to be adjusting to the EPL about as well as his Brazilian countryman Robinho did.

 

Rapture

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St. James Park / Newcastle Upon Tyne, England / November 28

It's a rematch of the League Cup from late September, with only the location having changed,  Newcastle hosting Chelsea today at St. James Park. Sol Campbell makes his first Premier League appearance for the home side, whose defense is not exactly at full strength for the match. Regular Captain Kevin Nolan also sits out with a knock, as Shola Ameobi deputzies for the Geordies, who are looking to rise above arch-rival Sunderland in the table. The pitch is a frozen slab of brown, green and white, and if the early bounces are any indication, players on both teams will have significant trouble just keeping control of the ball today.

As if illustrating that fact, there's a misunderstanding between Alex and Petr Cech to open the scoring, the Brazilian defender's back pass escaping the arms of the Chelsea 'keeper, who's rounded by a surprisingly speedy Andy Carroll. The recent England call-up has little work to do to put the home side ahead, the net vacated by Cech, and the goal at his mercy. It's 1-nil Newcastle in the 7th minute, and the crowd which braved the sub-zero temperature is frozen in rapture.

Twenty minutes in and the visitors are beginning to look a bit more dangerous, despite their lack of goals in recent competitions.  Chelsea have begun the day in a new 4-4-2 formation, in a bid to gain width through Kalou and Malouda, with Anelka and Drogba playing as co-equals up top. Although the scoreline does not reflect it, the Blues begin to control the ball better after some early wobbliness.There are more miscues by the makeshift Chelsea backline near the 25 minute mark, Ameobi and Carroll ending up on the end of a long cross into the box, but with both strikers making the same run there's no one home to knock the ball in amdist the chaos and carnage that is the Chelsea defense.

Scatter Brain

Scattered thoughts from a scattered brain, after another day full of football:

Jermaine Beckford: What a Difference a Year Makes. Last year this guy was a hero, scoring a late winner for Leeds to knock Manchester United out of the FA Cup.  This year he's coming on for Everton as an 83rd minute sub and having zero effect on today's game against Spurs. To be fair, both events happened in the same calendar year, but in different seasons. You understand what I'm trying to say, right?

Assou-Ekotto is One of Spurs' Weakest Links. The North London side is dotted with superstars -- Van der Vaart, Modric, Bale, etc. -- but as the old saying goes, you're only as good as your weakest link.  Unfortunately for Spurs, that's a link that looks like it will repeatedly be broken.

Rafael Van der Vaart Scored the Easiest Goal in the History of the Prem Today. The guy is absolutely deadly from 4 inches out. To be fair, he's absolutely deadly from just about anywhere on the pitch these days,  but not many players would have missed the opportunity Van der Vaart cashed in this afternoon.

Put me in, Coach! Oh Wait, I am the Coach.  Mick McCarthy, wearing cleats in the coaching box, looked as if we was ready to go out and play Chelsea himself today. Given the players he has at his disposal, that might not be so poor an option. 


Jersey Shore.  Carlo Ancelloti, on the other hand, looked as if he was dressed to attend a "family" dinner with his fellow Dons (and I'm not talking about those of the MK variety).  Just sayin'.


Truth be Told, Wolves Made a Good Accounting of Themselves Today. Unlike a lot of teams that head into Stamford Bridge like lambs being led to the slaughter, Wolverhampton weren't just content to sit back and wait for Chelsea to score their inevitable goal(s) at home. Wolves, in fact, actually had the audacity to attack Chelsea in front of their own fans. Just who did they think they were?

Double Take?

photo by Keith Allison	via PhotoRee

Separated at Birth?  I'd forgotten this, but Jose Bosingwa looks remarkably like Yankees closer Mariano Rivera. Anyone else find themselves wondering why Bosingwa's first Chelsea appearance in almost year comes the day after the Yankees lose in the American League Championship Series....?  Coincidence or not...?

Sales of Chewing Gum Must be on the Rise in England if the per capita consumption of EPL managers is any indication. I spotted Carlo Ancellotti chomping away today in lieu of his normal cigarette habit.

Kalou's New Look

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Muscle Man.  Does anyone else think that Solomon Kalou may have stolen Didier Drogba's steroids, er I mean vitamins?  The guy used to be one of those scrawny types that got sand kicked in his face in the Charles Atlas ads, but lately he looks like Sammy Sosa in his prime. Either that, or he's started wearing much tighter jerseys. Kalou can't stop scoring, either, and his picture used to be right next to the definition of the word "useless" in the Chelsea media guide. I wonder if there's any connection.....


Game Day Beer Review: Brouwerij Bosteels Tripel Karmeliet (8.40% ABV).  Poured a hazy golden color, with a thick head of pure white that gradually dissipated, leaving behind only minimal lacing.  Highly carbonated in a refreshing way.  Typical belgian yeastiness up front mixed with a small hint of hops on the finish, this beer manages to be both sweet and spicy at the same time.  Very drinkable despite the high alcohol level: A-   


The beer may be sweet and spicy, but Im not; I'm farlieonfootie for October 24.