Spy vs. Spy: Intercepted Spurs' Correspondence

Photo by Terry Robinson on Flickr

 

 

Despite numerous assurances to the contrary, it appears the National Security Agency is still spying on ordinary Americans -- and ordinary is exactly the way that we would describe the level of insight in this recently intercepted dispatch between Correspondents Ed and James:

 

[James]: For the record, I think Daniel Levy is a freaking moron and AVB is not far behind.

 

[Ed]: It's really hard to know.  If AVB was the personnel guy, then he couldn't get it done with his own players and it's hard to judge Levy other than for bringing him in only to relieve him so quickly.  Only the players know who is truly to blame -- maybe both of them....

 

[James]: AVB got his tactics colossaly wrong on too many occasions.  You can't play the likes of Dawson and Kaboul in a high line and insist on playing guys like Soldado and Defoe as lone strikers.  On the other hand, they spend £100 million to bring in essentially six versions of the same player over two years, while still thin at center half and full back.

 

[Ed]: And only one striker.  And no top tier guy. 

 

[James]: But hey, they still netted £10 million after Gareth Bale and wage savings...!  They can't get anyone good mid-season.

[Ed]: You can't question Levy's negotiating skills....  It will be interesting to see what a new coach does. I hope they get someone good.... I imagine Uncle 'arry is wondering what he could've done with £100 million.

 

[James]: It'll be Tim Sherwood as season-long Interim Manager in my opinion.  There was a really good article in the Telegraph about how Levy f-ed up the Moutinho deal at the last minute over £1/2 million.  Negotiation Skills: you get what you pay for....  Most of the guys they got are young with "sell-on" value.  So who gives a s-t if they all play the same position?  Make it work, Mr. Manager, and get us the Top Four and win the Europa league.....  And, oh, play exciting, attacking football.

 

[Ed]: Hah!  We saw from the beginning that they needed more creative guys...plus they're more fun to watch.  Arsenal just spent £40 million for one guy and now look amazing.  World class talent is where it's at.

On Gareth Bale's Impending Departure

photo by paulswansen	via PhotoRee

No one can say we're not right on top of the news -- herewith, some office watercooler talk from earlier this morning:

Ed:  James!  Welcome back -- Long time, no see....  [looks at watch]  The boss told me you'd been off covering the Justin Bieber tour this summer.... [feigns excitement, mimics young girls screaming while waving hands wildly]

James: Yeah -- I had to cut back on that -- I'm more of a part time Belieber these days.  The whole spitting incident really shook me up....  [shakes head sadly].  But it's more than just that -- the whole faux hoodlum thing just isn't my scene, and I didn't have the wardrobe to pull it off completely.   It was fun while it lasted, but I just had to get out eventually.  I'm back on the football these days, for better or worse.  [Looks a bit forlorn]

Say, did you hear the latest? [attempting to cheer himself up]  According to some of my 'in the know' buds on Twitter, Spurs are about to sign Willian and Erik Lamela.  If there were any doubts that Bale is leaving, this would seem to settle it.

farlieonfootie [overhearing conversation from his corner office and butting in]: Plus Coentrao as a makeweight.  I heard the deal is already done and Real has been told to keep it on the down low until Levy gets his other transfer work finished.  Smart guy that Levy.  The Professor could use some of his help.

Maybe Ronaldo heading back to Old Trafford, as well?  One can always dream….

Ed: It's done.  There's more to Bale not playing than a medical issue.  He and Ronaldo are the Bayern model at Real Madrid -  like Ribery and Robben.

farlieonfootie's 3rd Annual Barclay's Premier League Season Preview

Ed is Taking farlieonfootie's Picks Right to the Nearest Bookie
photo by wetwebwork	via PhotoRee

It's just about that time again, and since neither Correspondent Ed nor Correspondent Scott have been willing to stick out their respective necks, it once again falls upon your Editor-in-Chief to take one for the team.  Never afraid to make a prediction, and sometimes even making uncannily accurate ones, it's time for the third annual farlieonfootie pre-season picks for the 2013 - 2014 edition of the Barclay's Premier League.

We'll note, of course, that these prognostications are subject to revision if any of the much-ballyhooed late transfer moves come through -- moves involving Bale, Ronaldo, Rooney or the like certainly have the ability to shake things up, including even our vaunted predictions.  Unlike last season, when the transfer of the year was made relatively early (hint: Remember that one, Arsenal and City fans?), this year's top move could still be yet to happen:

 

2013/2014 Premier League Winners: This is a tough one for us to admit, but we believe Chelsea may have the talent on board to win the Premiership this season.  And by talent, we're not talking about the players on the pitch -- sure, they're important -- but more so the talent in the manager's office.  Combining Mourinho -- surely with something to prove, not only to the Chelsea fans who love him so dearly, but also to the Manchester United Board of Directors that gave him not even the merest hint of affection -- with names like Mata, Hazard and Oscar means that Chelsea's offensive creativity will now be married to the Portuguese bossman's steely pragmatism.  And where defense has been a relative weakness these past few seasons, we don't believe Mou will put up with mediocrity for long.  The major question at Les Bleus revolves around who will lead the line -- and if Rooney is out, then we fear that Jose will figure out how to unleash the beast that is Romelu Lukaku. 

 

2013/2014 Runner's Up: Manchester United.   We note that most of the so-called football pundits have picked United to finish third, behind both Chelsea and City, but we're not buying it.  If we were truly bold, instead of slightly nervous and only kinda-sorta bold, we'd be picking the Red Devils to win the league once again. Let's rememeber: this is a team that cantered to the League title last season -- a season in which they still lacked the much-discussed truly world-class midfield.  Unfortunately, though, the transition at the top has made us a bit less confident, and while we respect David Moyes, he's no Sir Alex Ferguson -- and that's not a slight.  Super Robin returns to lead the attack, and with Vidic, Rio and De Gea spending some considerable time together we think there will be more than enough goals to routinely outscore the competition.  The major questions at United would seem to be two-fold: What in the world will happen to Wayne Rooney, and will United actually bring in any summer transfer targets, or only flirt with them?  The lack of a clear answer to either of these questions heading into the season's opening weekend points only to one place: second.

 

2013/2014 Best of the Rest: Manchester City sure spent alot of money this off-season, didnt they? 

Spurs Existential Crisis, or Lack Thereof

photo by Zweifüssler	via PhotoRee

James is back, in a piece dripping with passion for his beloved Spurs:

It's a wretchededly warm August evening in the Deep South, USA as I weep into my Victory Helios Saison (8.5% ABV - just what the Doctor ordered) and contemplate the even more wretched second half display by Super Super Tottenham of the Lane (which I just watched for the second time, thanks to the glories of digital video recorders and self flagellation). And my thoughts wander, inevitably, to that magical, small, elf-like creature with mystical powers of crossovers, pinpoints and - most wonderfully - "holding," that we Spurs fans have affectionately referred to as "Modds" and "Lesbian Rat Boy," depending on whether it was before or after July. I refer, of course, to little Luka Modric himself.

It was very easy for all of us long-suffering inferiority-complexed Yids to see in the Modric saga an existential drama playing out in full form, with the despised Chelsea (of all clubs) the latest personification of Big Three Axis of Evil, to reinforce noted ESPN humorist and Gooner David Herschey's description of Spurs as "The World's Most Glamorous Feeder Club." And then there was our Chairman, David Levy, who, in no uncertain terms, responded to Roman Abramovich's overtures with a loud and unambiguous "Not On My Watch!" We will no longer be The World's Most Glamorous Feeder Club, we will not repeat the humiliation of Berbatov, Carrick, etc., we will not cower against the economic behemoths of the EPL, be they Russian mobsters, middle eastern oil barons, or - worst of all - over leveraged American private equity profiteers....