Crunch Time in the BPL

Columnist Randy only gets going when the going gets tough:

With three weeks remaining, its crunch time in the BPL. With the Manchester derby coming Monday, the race for the Premiership, Champions and Europa League spots and relegation avoidance is full on. Every point is critical and no team can afford to drop any more, so we should expect some exciting football this weekend.

Clash for the Silverware

Manchester United had a great chance to put City away with a win against Everton at Old Trafford. Offensively the Red Devils had an excellent game, netting four goals. Unfortunately their defense was exposed again. Rafael of the Wonder Twins made an excellent spectator on two costly Everton goals, the last putting Everton level at four. Now only three points clear instead of five, the Monday clash with City is for all intents and purposes a winner take all championship game. The one thing in United’s favor going forward is they have an easier final two games, with fixtures against Swansea and Sunderland, both of whom have nothing to play for. City, meanwhile, have tough matches against Newcastle, who is trying to hold on the final Champions league spot, and QPR -- who are fighting, almost literally, to stave off relegation.

League Battles

With the top two spots locked up by United and City, the fight is on for the remaining two Champions League spots. Problem is, it seems like no one besides Newcastle wants them. Arsenal, after getting beaten by Wigan last week, came back with a very poor performance against Chelsea’s backups. The Gunners are only three points clear of Newcastle, who have a game in hand. Arsenal also gave away needless points with their bruising loss to QPR, a game they should have won.  Arsenal needs to solidify their defense and regain their form and close out the season strong, with Newcastle only three behind and Tottenham six behind. Losing Mikel Arteta and the injury to Theo Walcott will not help.

With three straight loses, the Tottenham Coldspurs are fading and barely hanging on the Europa League spot. They are still within striking distance of a weakened Arsenal with a game in hand. With games against relegation-fighting Bolton and Blackburn this week,  Spurs need to quickly regain their form if they wish to catch Newcastle or Arsenal. They also must be wary of a strong-closing Chelsea.

He Scores Goals: Manchester United 3 - Bolton 0

photo by Lordcolus	via PhotoRee

Paul Scholes' 45th minute wonder strike brought us back to the future, providing the initial separation between United and Bolton, and second half strikes from Danny Welbeck and Michael Carrick gave the final margin to the Reds' 3-nil victory at Old Trafford on Saturday. Although it was a win, it was yet another frustrating home performance from United, as the margin could easily have been double the final scoreline.  In the end, however, the work was still good enough for all the marbles as the Reds moved level on points with the League leaders.  The outcome wasn't comfortable until late in the match, and Bolton had their moments on the break -- especially in the first half -- but United never looked likely to concede, and it was more a matter of whether or not the home side would find the back of the net -- something they'd managed to do in their last 42 encounters at Old Trafford. Herewith, some further thoughts on the crucial victory:

o Scholes may have looked a bit rusty, but he showed yesterday that he's still got a trick or two up his sleeve, as well.  It was a real surprise to see him back in the starting lineup -- I fully expected the Ginger Ninja to be introduced with about 30 minutes left in the game to work on his fitness -- which is still obviously lacking a bit.  Once again, Scholes had a couple loose balls early in the match, leading to a nervous moment or two. And his timing still isn't quite up to snuff -- witness the brutal kick to Mark Davis' midriff when he mistimed his approach to a 50/50 ball. It's completely understandable that there's rust showing -- the guy hasn't featured competitively since May, and he's not exactly playing in some backwater league....  But give Scholes the ball in front of goal and he's still as dangerous as ever, as Bolton learned yesterday in first half stoppage time.  Welcome back, Scholesy -- we've missed you.

o Before Scholes' late first half strike, the game had a similar feeling to the first encounter with Newcastle. Tim Krul -- er, Adam Bogdan --made save after save, frustrating the Reds at every turn, and it was beginning to feel like one of those games where the ball just won't go into the back of the net. If Roo had hit his penalty the game could have turned into a rout. Instead we were left with yet another nervy home performance in a season seemingly full of them. Last season, major problems away from home; this season, major problems at home. Some consistency would be nice....

o And speaking of consistency -- or rather the lack of it -- Referee Peter Walton made a terrible decision that allowed Bolton to remain in the game for much longer than they deserved to. Danny Welbeck was hauled down in the box by Zat Knight, Bolton's last defender; a penalty was awarded; and a yellow card was handed out -- but there was no dismissal.  Say what?!  It was undeniably a clear goal scoring opportunity, and Walton's attempt at a Solomonic decision handed Bolton a massive lifeline back into the game.  Instead of being down both a man and a goal -- effectively game over -- Bolton was right back in the game when Wazza missed his kick for the second straight week.

Wipeout!

photo by diff_sky	via PhotoRee

Saturday's trip to Bolton is one of those tricky away encounters for Manchester United to navigate, with a trot down to the Reebok to visit the Bolton Wanderers. Sir Alex tinkers only gently with his wildly productive lineup, exchanging Javier Hernandez and Rio Ferdinand for the injured Danny Welbeck and the rested Chris Smalling. David De Gea starts once again in goal, despite the mysterious media-fueled rumors to the contrary, which suggest pre-game that Fergie feared the Spaniard wouldn't be physical enough to cope with Bolton's vaunted aerial attack.

Before the game has time enough to develop any sort of a rhythm or tempo, it's Chicharito opening the scoring for United, with Nani offering a perfect ball in from the wing and leaving the Mexican Pea with only a tap in to open his account for the season. Hernandez showcases his typical dazzling form with the score, timing his run perfectly, and zigzagging in and out of the Bolton defense to lose his marker -- an England center back, no less -- at the last possible minute.  

A minute later and it's Wayne Rooney...showcasing his defensive skills, Wazza tracking all the way to clear a ball off the goal line, and then blocking a second Bolton shot for good measure. Michael Carrick replaces an injured Tom Cleverly, the young midfielder clattered over by the dire tackling of a brutish Kevin Davies, and United fans collectively hold their breath for word on the youngster's status.

Now That's More Like It!

Correspondent Scott, Receiving His First Liverpool Kit on Christmas Morning
photo by rjones0856	via PhotoRee

In which Correspondent Scott continues to cling stubbornly to his delusions of grandeur over Liverpool's prospects this season:


The Liverpudlians of week three in the EPL looked to be the older, bigger, better brother of last week’s team.  They didn’t deliver a merciless Manhandlers United-type beating to the hapless Bolton Wanderers, but they did dominate with mostly crisp play, a sense of urgency and solid defense (save for the one Jamie Carragher lapse).

Starting with an abundance of energy, yet patiently working the ball from the back when needed, the team is be beginning to gel.  Still, however, the lion’s share of offensive creativity begins with Luis Suarez.  Consider his beautiful outside-of-the-foot curling cross to Stuart Downing in the 15th minute: although Downing did well with it,  Jussi Jaaskelainen deflected to Dirk Kuyt who layed off to Jordan Henderson, whose first attempt was blocked before the second sailed into the netting.

Suarez will probably take little comfort in the praise he will surely receive for his inspiring performance, as he is all about goals and didn't get one.  His only blemish on the day came when he rather over-confidently attempted to chip Jaaskelainen on a break away in the 24th minute instead of picking a corner, his effort bending the top of the net the wrong way.

One Down, One to Go

photo by Gibson Claire McGuire Regester	via PhotoRee

Some thoughts on the title chasers.  And Arsenal:

• I can't tell whether Chelsea are really playing better football, or if they're just playing worse opposition. They've suffered only one loss in their last nine games on the trot, I think, but some of their victories have been less than impressive, like a 1-nil home "thrashing" of Wigan.

• It was more of the same in the first half on Saturday against West Ham, with Chelsea creating chance after chance amidst the downpour, but lacking the composure necessary to put the final ball in the net.  And Chelsea looked less than convincing when the ball was played into their own box, with the Hammers spurning two great opportunities to take a first half lead.

• To be fair, the rain didn't really help anyone yesterday, making the pitch as slippery as a billiard table. Demba Ba looked like Bambi on ice as he slid his way past a midefield ball, his long body sprawling in about three different directions at the same time.

Timely

photo by wwarby	via PhotoRee

Old Trafford / Manchester, England / March 19


The Reds take the pitch once more this afternoon with a back four that isn't first choice by any stretch of the imagination, but with hope that their attacking lineup will create more opportunities than the visitors from just up the road in Bolton. Today marks the first start in ages for both Nani and Valencia on the wings -- forcing Ryan Giggs into the middle of the pitch -- and once again Sir Alex looks to the in-form pairing of Rooney and Chicharito to provide the offense.

Despite the Gaffer's intent, it's Bolton with the game's first real opportunity, and when Elmander lays a ball off in the box United are fortunate that Fabrice Muamba's resulting shot is rushed and poor when the ball gets stuck in this feet. It's not the most confident of beginnings for the makeshift back four -- composed today of Brown, Smalling, Evans and Evra -- and Sir Alex must be crossing both fingers and toes that the patchwork defense will hold together for the full 90 minutes.

The teams trade wild shots in an active opening, with Rooney coming closest for the home side. There's a shout from Chicharito for a handball on Bolton defender Gary Cahill, but referee Andre Marriner wants none of it. The call could have gone either way, in my opinion, but Chicharito looks peeved while flashing a hint of frustration, an emotion which has rarely been seen from the Little Pea.

Three Blind Mice

  Referee Mike Jones and His Linesmen Scurrying Away from Stamford Bridge  
photo by hoyasmeg	via PhotoRee

December 28 / Stamford Bridge / London, England
Chelsea may have earned themselves three points at home today versus Bolton, but the win was far from convincing. Escaping with the points largely due to the referee's blind eye, the Blues pulled themselves back within hailing distance of the league leaders.

But have no doubt about it: without the clear assistance of referee Mike Jones and his linesmen -- the Three Blind Mice of this piece's title --  Chelsea's performance was not enough to satisfy the doubters, and Carlo Ancelloti must still be wondering where his steadfast defense and offensive firepower disappeared to when the weather turned cold in England.

Chelsea looked rusty and creaky this evening, especially in the less than inspiring first 45 minutes of the game. Playing in front of a home crowd, the Blues appeared confused and disorganized, despite having most of their "big name" players back on the pitch. They appeared fragile and old, most closely resembling a fine piece of heirloom china, only fit to be taken out of the cabinet when esteemed company is being entertained, and held firmly in two hands the whole time for fear of breaking.

Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow

photo by ~Brenda-Starr~	via PhotoRee

So, we learned one thing yesterday: England can't handle snow.  When I read earlier this week about the impending "blizzard" poised to strike the British Isles I had visions of 12 to 24 inches of snow with blowing drifts.  What I actually saw was what we here in the States would describe as a light dusting.  In fact, in Minnesota, Michigan and other northern parts of this country, the same weather would be described as "Pleasant, with a chance of afternoon sunshine."  I mean, c'mon: two inches of snow and the entire league is paralyzed?  We call off games for Sunday, including the big one pitting Manchester United against Chelsea, more than 24 hours in advance?  Even here in South Florida there's a shot (slight, I'll admit) that we could have put on a better show than the EPL did today.

I guess there's nothing left to do but break out the firewood, turn up the volume on the Dean Martin holiday album, and turn the channel to GOLTV to watch La Liga.  Herewith, in honor of the not-very-tough men who called off this weekend's EPL action, a classic Christmas song celebrating the cold weather:



The snowstorm also played havoc with my fantasy football team.

Lost

photo by dev null	via PhotoRee

I watched some footie this weekend, but to tell the truth I felt somewhat adrift without a United game to serve as an anchor on the weekend's action. With apologies to Samuel Taylor Coleridge, there was football, football everywhere, but not a United game from which to drink. It was a bizarre EPL weekend, seemingly normal to fans of other teams with eight matches in total being played, but the one game I wanted to see above all others during Week 16 wasn't contested due to a pitch frozen as hard as if Snow Miser himself had been Blackpool's Head Groundskeeper.

I further undermined my own cause with some poor DVR programming. I don't know whether to blame it on one of the beer reviews that make up a certain part of this blog, or just plain old bad luck, but because I was tied up for large portions of both Saturday and Sunday I was reduced to staying away from my Twitter account and recording the games I wanted to watch on my DVR.  In order to make my task easier, I programmed my selections Friday night, and therein lies the root cause of my misfortune.

Real Men Don't Wear Snoods

photo by Idhren	via PhotoRee

I've had it with today's modern footballer. It's no longer enough to get injured at the drop of a hat, vacation in Ibiza, or be photographed dancing on bars while doing shots of tequila. No, to be a true modern player these days, one must have the signature piece of equipment of today's pampered star: the snood.

farlieonfootie's been outspokenly against this horrific trend going back for some time now -- at least two weeks. The time has finally come, though, to call out some supposed stars on this affront to both our game and manhood. What ever happened to being a real man, playing a tough, "stuck in" game, and having a cold beer afterward? Many of the players out there today look more appropriately attired to attend womens' fashion shows, do Red Carpet interviews, and wind down with a double-espresso, half-caff latte, with a pinch of non-sucrose sugar and a slight twist of lemon.

And how appropriate is it that no team in the EPL exemplifies this detestable look better than farlieonfootie's favorite whipping boys: Man City. Let's take a look at just a few of the massive "stars" on display at Eastlands today versus Bolton: wimpy Yaya Toure was bundled up in an extra large, relaxed fit snuggie, while softie Carlos Tevez joined in his signature slim-fitting, streamlined snood. Completing the resplendent triumvirate was Italian pretty boy Mario Balotelli, with his medium-sized, standard fit neck warming scarf. In fact, City like the pampered look so much that the club has started officially endorsing it by selling MCFC branded snoods online (I'm not making this stuff up, folks. I report the news, not invent it.).