Friday, December 3, 2010


farlieonfootie columnist Ed sounds off on FIFA's recent decision to award the 2022 World Cup to a true footballing powerhouse, the nation of Qatar.  farlieonfootie himself, though, would like to make very sure that FIFA President Joseph "Sepp" Blatter knows just how highly farlieonfootie thinks of his Royal Highness, Mr. Blatter, and wants to make expressly clear that the opinions authored below in no way whatsoever represent managements'.  Further, farlieonfootie management hopes that such opinions, being as they come from a rogue employee, will in no way interfere with farlieonfootie's own personal ability to score a highly coveted press pass to the 2022 Cup.  Enough said:

Here at farlieonfootie, we’d like to congratulate FIFA on taking the gold medal, over both the International Olympic Committee (Silver) and the UN Human Rights Committee (Bronze), in the highly competitve race for the most corrupt international body in the world.  Please cue “We are the World,” and raise the two soccer ball world-map flag. 

For the 2018 World Cup, FIFA thought it best to bypass the country that invented the game in lieu of Russia, a country run by two mobsters that seem to get off on killing journalists and, well, just about anyone else they don’t like -- either that, or jailing them indefinitely in Siberia, which amounts to much the same thing. 

And for the 2022 Cup, the USA lost out to Qatar, a country desperately in need of: (1) a population; (2) a stadium; (3) a habitable location; and (4) the letter “u.”  We at farlieonfootie (Ed. Note: I'd like to stress that this is Ed speaking, Mr. Blatter, Sir, not farlieonfootie himself) could list all of the reasons why England and the USA are better locations, more important to the sport, and more deserving than either of these two dictatorships, but there’s simply not enough space on our 20 terra-byte hard drive. 

Of course, it’s already been proven by several intrepid British journalists that FIFA members are not merely accepting of bribes, they're actually soliciting them.  And regardless of whether it’s been reported yet, we’re certain that hit squads and cash were a substantial part of the Russian bid, as they seem to be a substantial part of everything Russia does these days.  Our only conciliation comes from the fact that this may provide some recompense to the Russian people who have gone straight from the horrific communist purges to the current lawless kleptocracy. 

As for Qatar, while we are loathe to get into politics here at farlieonfootie (Ed Note: Really?  Then why are we writing this piece?), we cannot understand why so many in the West fail to see that as much as windmills and Chevy Volts are important (well, maybe not Chevy Volts), it may be preferable to push piles of cash into Texas and Florida as opposed to the Middle East.  But regardless of how you feel about these global issues, we are confident that you agree with us at farlieonfootie that this is a dark day for all of us that love football, and would like to see it continue to prosper in both the place where it all began, as well as the place that we believe can lift it to new heights.

This is one of three posts for farlieonfootie for December 4.


  1. I agree that those choices are absolute bs. Am I overstating it when I say that it's hard to understand how FIFA is trying to makenthe world a better place by awarding the cup to petro dictatorships? Maybe if Dick Cheney were to launch a coup and opened up drilling the us would have a better chance. I am going back to American football where at least I am not bitter when the award Detroit the super bowl. At least I have some sympathy, ok pity, for the residents there.

  2. HEAR HEAR!!!! Oh the corruption, bribery and mafia hits that must've gone on to get those two bids to win. Terrible for the sport. Sad.