And now for the lighting round of Jeopardy, in which we celebrate the highlights and lowlights of Barcelona's 3-1 win over Arsenal in the Champions League. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the game, in Jeopardy the answers are given first, and the contestants try to guess the question:
A. This journey is familiar, yet is also one of the world's longest trips. Q. What is traveling from Barcelona to London, after your team has been ousted from the Champions League yet again?
A: As a young man, he dreamed of playing for the Blaugrana. Then, for a brief and bizarre moment deep in first half stoppage time he actually did, as his giveaway on a too-fancy-for-its-own-good backheel gave the first goal to the home side just before half-time. Q. Who is Cesc Fabregas? __________________________________
A: This Swiss native was either on the take, just plain incompetent, or both, and his soft red card on Robin Van Persie was most likely ordered by none other than Michel Platini himself to make sure Barcelona advanced to the next round of the Champions League. Q. Who is referee Massimo Busacca? ___________________________________ A. This was Arsenal's most effective offensive play of the entire evening. Q. What is a Barcelona own goal? ___________________________________
Q. What is the number of shots Arsenal had on goal last night?
A. He sees Barcelona in his nightmares, having conceded twelve times to them in a mere 3 games. Nevertheless, he was likely Arsenal's best player last night.
Q. Who is Manuel Almunia? ___________________________________
A. Before his sending off, this Arsenal man was so isolated he needed to be re-introduced to his teammates in the locker room at half time. Q. Who is Robin Van Persie? ___________________________________
A. Some comical pushing and shoving, mixed with a fair amount of Spanish petulance and finger pointing. Q. What was Barcelona doing when they accused Arsenal of wasting time in the first half? ___________________________________
A. This Spanish superstar managed to set a new world record last night, rolling over 6 consecutive times after being on the receiving end of a very soft foul. Q. Who is David Villa? ___________________________________
A. This Argentine journeyman is a utter and complete misfit in the Barcelona midfield, surrounded by angels, but with the heavy touch of a butcher. Q. Who is Javier Mascherano? ____________________________________
A: He claimed to be at 90% pre-game, but his influence on the game was damn near zero. Q. Who is Cesc Fabregas? ___________________________________
A. He spent a good part of the week in the hospital for a bad back, but this manager looked pretty darn limber as he threw his arms in the air for a goal celebration. Q. Who is Pep Guardiola? ___________________________________
A. With the opportunity to put Barcelona to the sword in the 86th minute, this Dane demonstrated his typical uselessness in front of goal, mishandling Jack Wilshere's through ball that put him in on goal with the entire tie on the line. Q. Who is Nicklas Bendtner? ___________________________________
A. It's gone from 4 to 2 in 9 days, and may go to 0 before long. Q. What is Arsenal's season trophy count looking like? ___________________________________